Everyone gets jealous sometimes, but if you don’t nip it in the bud, it can seriously take over your life.
Whether you’re covering someone’s relationship, career, or even a new bag they’ve bought, there’s nothing more destructive than the green-eyed monster. Here’s how to quell your jealousy and move on.
1. Get curious about your jealous feelings instead of judging them.
Source: Unsplash When jealousy rears its ugly head, it’s dead easy to beat yourself up about it. What if you treated those feelings like an intriguing mystery instead? Next time you’re feeling jealous, try to step back and observe your emotions with a bit of distance. Ask yourself questions like “What’s really behind this feeling?” or “What am I afraid of losing?” This approach can help you understand the root of your jealousy and give you a better shot at addressing it. Plus, it’s a lot more productive than just wallowing in guilt or shame.
2. Challenge your assumptions and look for evidence.
Jealousy loves to play tricks on our minds, making us jump to all sorts of bonkers conclusions. But before you let those thoughts run wild, take a moment to fact-check them. Are you really being replaced by your partner’s new friend, or is that just your insecurity talking? Look for concrete evidence to support or disprove your jealous thoughts. You might be surprised to find that many of your fears are based on flimsy assumptions rather than cold, hard facts. This reality check can help put things into perspective and calm your jealous mind.
3. Practise self-compassion and give yourself a break.
Being jealous doesn’t make you a bad person — it makes you human. So instead of beating yourself up, try showing yourself a bit of kindness. Acknowledge that jealousy is a tough emotion to deal with, and pat yourself on the back for trying to manage it. Talk to yourself like you would to a good mate who’s struggling. Something like, “This is a rough patch, but you’ll get through it” can work wonders. Remember, everyone feels jealous sometimes, and treating yourself with compassion can make those feelings easier to handle.
4. Focus on your own growth instead of comparing yourself to everyone else.
It’s dead easy to get caught up in the comparison game, especially when jealousy’s at play. But here’s the thing: someone else’s success doesn’t diminish your own worth. Instead of fixating on what other people have that you don’t, try shifting your focus to your own personal growth. Set some goals for yourself that aren’t tied to anyone else’s achievements. Maybe you want to learn a new skill or improve your fitness. By concentrating on your own progress, you’ll be less likely to feel threatened by people. Plus, you might just surprise yourself with how much you can achieve when you’re not busy worrying about everyone else.
5. Communicate openly with your partner or friends about your feelings.
Bottling up jealous feelings is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Instead of letting them fester, try having an honest chat with the person involved. If it’s your partner, explain how you’re feeling without throwing blame around. Something like, “I’ve been feeling a bit insecure lately, and I could use some reassurance” can open up a productive conversation. If it’s about a friend’s success, sharing your feelings might help you realise they’ve had their own struggles too. Open communication can help clear the air and often reveals that your fears were unfounded in the first place.
6. Practise gratitude to shift your focus from what you lack to what you have.
When jealousy’s got you in its grip, it’s easy to fixate on what you’re missing out on. But here’s a clever trick: try flipping the script by focusing on what you’re grateful for instead. Take a few minutes each day to jot down three things you appreciate in your life. It could be anything from your comfy bed to a supportive friend. Doing this can shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. You might find that regularly acknowledging the good stuff in your life makes those jealous feelings lose their sting.
7. Develop a growth mindset and see challenges as opportunities.
Jealousy often stems from feeling like we’re not enough or that we’re somehow falling behind. But what if you saw those feelings as a sign that you’re ready for growth? Instead of thinking “I’ll never be as good as them,” try “What can I learn from their success?” This shift in perspective, known as a growth mindset, can transform jealousy from a stumbling block into a stepping stone.
8. Create healthy boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health.
Sometimes, managing jealousy isn’t just about changing your thoughts — it’s about changing your environment, too. If scrolling through social media leaves you feeling like a right loser, it might be time to set some boundaries. This could mean unfollowing accounts that trigger your jealousy, limiting your screen time, or being more selective about the events you attend.
9. Recognise and challenge your cognitive distortions.
Our minds can be proper tricksters when jealousy’s involved, twisting reality into all sorts of shapes. These mental gymnastics are called cognitive distortions, and they’re the jealous brain’s best mate. Maybe you’re catastrophising, imagining the worst possible outcome, or mind-reading, assuming you know what other people are thinking. Start paying attention to these thought patterns and call them out when you spot them. Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on facts or fears?” By challenging these distortions, you can start to see situations more clearly and keep your jealous feelings in check.
10. Use mindfulness techniques to stay grounded in the present.
Source: Unsplash Jealousy loves to drag us into an imaginary future where everything’s gone pear-shaped. But here’s a nifty trick: use mindfulness to anchor yourself in the present moment. When you feel jealousy bubbling up, try focusing on your breath or noticing five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This grounding technique can help pull you out of the jealous thought spiral and back into the here and now. Regular mindfulness practice can make you less susceptible to jealous thoughts in the long run.
11. Reframe jealousy as a signal for self-improvement.
Here’s a thought that might knock your socks off: what if jealousy isn’t your enemy, but a misunderstood mate trying to tell you something? Next time you feel that familiar pang, try to see it as a signal pointing towards areas where you’d like to grow. If you’re jealous of your friend’s confidence, maybe it’s highlighting your desire to work on self-assurance. This reframing turns jealousy from a negative emotion into a helpful guide for personal development.
12. Cultivate a supportive network that celebrates your successes.
Jealousy can thrive in an environment where you feel unsupported or overlooked. So, why not create your own cheer squad? Surround yourself with people who genuinely celebrate your wins, no matter how small. These could be friends, family, or even an online community that shares your interests. When you have a network that acknowledges your progress and encourages your growth, you’re less likely to feel threatened by other people’s successes.
