A lot of people are obsessed with seeming cleverer or more book smart, but upping your emotional intelligence should be at the top of your to-do list.
EQ is all about how you handle your own feelings and those of the people around you, and it’s a valuable life skill that will serve you well in so many different ways. If you’re aware that you need to brush up on your skills in this department, here are some suggestions on how to do exactly that.
1. Let it be okay to feel what you feel.
One of the most important aspects of emotional intelligence is recognising and accepting your own emotions. When you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or sad, don’t try to bottle it up. Acknowledge those feelings, sit with them for a while, and try to understand why they’re there. This doesn’t mean you have to wallow in negativity, but rather, you’re giving yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling without judgement. Remember, emotions are like waves; they ebb and flow. By accepting them, you’re not only being kinder to yourself, but you’re also gaining valuable insight into your emotional landscape.
2. Talk it out, even if you don’t have all the answers.
Sharing your emotions with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be incredibly helpful. It allows you to process your feelings, gain a different perspective, and find support. You don’t have to have all the answers or know exactly why you’re feeling a certain way. Sometimes, just talking about it can bring clarity and relief. It’s like untangling a knot; by talking through your emotions, you’re slowly unravelling them and making sense of them. Remember, vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a strength that allows you to connect with others on a deeper level.
3. Pay attention to what your body is saying.
Our bodies often give us clues about our emotional state before we even realise it. When we’re stressed, we might clench our fists or tense our shoulders. When we’re excited, we might feel a flutter in our stomach. By paying attention to these physical sensations, we can gain valuable insights into our emotions. This is like having a built-in emotional barometer that can help you gauge your feelings and respond accordingly. Take a few minutes each day to check in with your body. Notice any tension, tightness, or discomfort. This simple practise can help you become more aware of your emotional state and take steps to manage it effectively.
4. Remember to breathe.
When emotions run high, it’s easy to forget to breathe. But taking a few deep breaths can do wonders for calming your nervous system and reducing stress. It’s a simple yet powerful tool that can help you regulate your emotions and regain a sense of control. When you feel overwhelmed, pause for a moment and take a few deep breaths. Breathe in slowly through your nose, filling your lungs with air, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this several times until you feel your heart rate slowing down and your muscles relaxing. It’s like hitting the reset button on your emotions.
5. Put yourself in their shoes.
Empathy is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. When someone is going through a difficult time, try to imagine how they might be feeling. Put yourself in their shoes and consider their perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it does mean you’re trying to understand their emotions without judgement. Empathy can help you build stronger relationships, resolve conflicts, and create a more compassionate world. It’s like a bridge that connects you to others, allowing you to see the world through their eyes.
6. It’s fine to set boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Saying ‘no’ is an essential skill for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting yourself. It’s okay to set boundaries and decline requests that don’t align with your values or priorities. This doesn’t mean you’re being selfish; it means you’re respecting your own needs and limitations. It’s a way of saying, “I value myself and my time.” Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if you’re used to pleasing others. But remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. By saying ‘no’ when necessary, you’re ensuring that you have enough energy and resources to give to yourself and others when it truly matters.
7. Take a break from social media.
Source: Unsplash Social media can be a great way to connect with friends and family, but it can also be a source of stress and anxiety. The constant barrage of information, comparison to others, and fear of missing out can take a toll on our emotional health. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or drained after scrolling through your feeds, it’s okay to take a break. Step away from the screen, disconnect for a while, and focus on activities that bring you joy and peace. This could be anything from reading a book to spending time in nature to simply enjoying a quiet moment to yourself. Remember, social media is a tool, not a necessity. Use it wisely and don’t let it control your emotions.
8. Find healthy ways to cope with stress.
Source: Unsplash Stress is a part of life, but how we manage it can significantly impact our emotional health. Instead of resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms like overeating or substance abuse, find healthy ways to de-stress. This could involve exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing hobbies you enjoy. It’s important to find what works for you and make it a regular part of your routine. Remember, stress management is not a one-time fix; it’s an ongoing process that requires effort and attention. By developing healthy coping mechanisms, you’re building resilience and equipping yourself to handle life’s challenges with greater ease.
9. Practise active listening.
Source: Unsplash Communication is a two-way street, and active listening is a crucial component. When someone is speaking, give them your full attention. Make eye contact, nod along, and avoid interrupting. Ask clarifying questions to show that you’re engaged and interested in what they have to say. This not only makes the speaker feel heard and valued, but also allows you to gain a deeper understanding of their perspective. Active listening is a skill that takes practise, but it’s worth the effort. It can transform your relationships and improve your communication skills, both personally and professionally.
10. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Source: Unsplash Everyone struggles with their emotions sometimes. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck, don’t be afraid to ask for help. This could mean talking to a friend or family member, working with a therapist, or joining a support group. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you’re willing to take responsibility for your emotional health and get the support you need to thrive. There’s no shame in asking for help, and doing so can be a crucial step towards healing and growth.
11. Learn to identify your triggers.
Certain situations, people, or events can trigger strong emotional reactions in us. By identifying your triggers, you can anticipate these reactions and develop strategies to manage them. This could involve avoiding certain situations, practising relaxation techniques, or getting professional help to address underlying issues. It’s important to be honest with yourself about what triggers your emotions and take steps to protect your emotional wellness. This is not about avoiding challenges; it’s about knowing your limits and taking proactive steps to manage your emotions effectively.
12. Reconsider your self-talk.
Source: Unsplash The way we talk to ourselves can have a profound impact on our emotional state. If you’re constantly criticising yourself or focusing on your shortcomings, it’s easy to fall into a negative spiral. Instead, practise positive self-talk. Encourage yourself, celebrate your achievements, and focus on your strengths. This doesn’t mean you have to ignore your weaknesses, but rather, you’re choosing to focus on the positive aspects of yourself and your life. By cultivating a more positive inner dialogue, you can boost your self-esteem, reduce stress, and improve your overall emotional health.
13. Embrace lifelong learning.
Emotional intelligence is not a fixed trait; it’s a skill that can be developed and improved over time. Make a commitment to lifelong learning and personal growth. Read books on emotional intelligence, attend workshops, or find mentors who can guide you on your journey. By continuously expanding your knowledge and skills, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the complexities of emotions and build stronger, more meaningful relationships. Remember, emotional intelligence is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and a willingness to learn and grow. But the rewards are immeasurable.
