Parenthood definitely isn’t a walk in the park, but some people tend to cope with it better than others.
No matter how much someone wanted children initially, the idea is a whole lot different than the reality. For some people, the dreams they had about being a parent come crashing down with overwhelming force, and they second-guess whether starting a family was the right decision. Here’s how you know a mum or dad is really grappling with this.
1. They miss their old life a lot.
Some parents find themselves longing for the freedom they once had, thinking about the days when their time was theirs to spend. This isn’t about missing nights out or holidays; it’s more about missing their own sense of self. Those feelings can make them feel guilty, even though they’re just human. They love their kids, but they can’t help but wish they’d held on to a bit more of themselves. It’s a tough balance between who they were and who they’ve become.
2. They avoid spending time with their kids.
When someone regrets parenthood, they may find themselves looking for reasons to stay out or take on extra work. Avoiding time with their children doesn’t mean they don’t care; it’s just hard for them to be fully present. They might not even realise they’re pulling away, but it’s often a sign that they’re struggling with their role. It’s not that they don’t love their kids—they just feel overwhelmed. That distance can signal inner conflict that’s tough to shake.
3. They talk openly about how hard it is.
Some parents are very vocal about the challenges they face, almost to the point of dwelling on it. If someone regularly speaks about parenthood as a burden, it may reflect deeper feelings of regret. It’s a way of expressing that they’re not fully at peace with this life change. They might feel a mix of guilt and relief when they share these feelings. Talking about it helps, but it also hints at their struggle to accept parenthood completely.
4. They frequently reminisce about life before kids.
If someone’s always talking about “the good old days” before kids, it could be more than just nostalgia. They may be feeling like they’ve lost something valuable in exchange for their role as a parent. This constant looking back suggests they’re not fully happy with where they are now. It’s as if they feel disconnected from their current reality. These memories feel comforting but also remind them of what they gave up.
5. They express regret in small ways.
Not everyone will come right out and say they regret having kids, but little comments can give it away. They might joke about “if they could do it over,” or make remarks about how different life could have been. It’s a quiet way of letting their regret slip without actually admitting it. These small hints can reveal a lot about how they feel. It’s like they’re testing the waters of what they’re comfortable saying.
6. They struggle to bond with their kids.
Sometimes, parents who feel regret have a hard time forming a close bond with their children. It’s not that they don’t love them; it’s just that they can’t quite connect in the way they’d hoped. This lack of closeness can lead to feelings of guilt, which only deepens the regret. They feel like they’re missing something that should come naturally. It’s a painful cycle of wanting to bond but feeling unable to fully engage.
7. They prioritise work over family time.
Source: Unsplash For some, work becomes a refuge where they can escape the pressures of parenting. If a parent is constantly choosing work over family, it may signal a reluctance to be at home. They’re not trying to avoid their kids; it’s just easier to pour energy into something they feel more confident handling. This imbalance can be a quiet sign of regret. They might find validation in work that they struggle to feel as a parent.
8. They get easily frustrated with their kids.
Source: Unsplash Parenting can test anyone’s patience, but constant frustration could mean there’s more going on. Parents feeling regret may have shorter tempers, finding it hard to handle typical kid behaviour. This reaction often leaves them feeling even more regretful afterward. They don’t want to feel this way but can’t always stop themselves. It’s a cycle that’s tough on both them and their kids.
9. They envy friends without kids.
Source: Unsplash Seeing friends who don’t have kids enjoying their lives can bring up feelings of envy. Parents struggling with regret might find themselves thinking about how different things would be without the responsibilities of parenthood. It’s not that they dislike their own life; it’s just hard to avoid comparing sometimes. This quiet envy can be a sign they’re feeling conflicted. They want to be happy for their friends but also wish for that freedom themselves.
10. They’re overly focused on their kids’ achievements.
Some parents channel their own unfulfilled feelings into their kids, focusing intensely on their achievements. It’s as if they’re looking for something to justify their sacrifices and hard work. This can create pressure on their children, as they feel they have to live up to expectations. It’s not intentional, but it can be a sign of underlying regret. They’re hoping their kids’ successes will bring the satisfaction they’re missing.
11. They feel resentful about their partner’s involvement.
Parents dealing with regret sometimes feel resentment towards their partner, especially if they perceive them as less involved. It can feel unfair, as if the burden isn’t equally shared, which only adds to their struggle. This resentment might create tension in the relationship, deepening feelings of regret. They don’t want to feel alone in it, but often end up feeling isolated. It’s a hard feeling to confront, especially within a partnership.
12. They don’t take joy in parenting moments.
For some parents, even the happy moments don’t bring the joy they expect. They go through the motions but can’t shake the feeling that something is missing. This lack of joy can be a sad sign that they’re struggling with their role as a parent. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their kids; they just feel detached from the experience. It’s an emptiness that’s difficult to put into words.
13. They avoid talking about their kids.
Parents who regret their choice might avoid bringing up their children in conversations, preferring to steer clear of the topic. It’s not that they’re hiding their kids; they just don’t feel the same enthusiasm other people do when talking about family. This silence can hint at feelings they haven’t fully worked through. They may feel out of place in conversations about parenting joys. It’s a quiet way of managing their own mixed emotions.
