Cats might have a reputation for being aloof, but deep down, they’re full of love — on their own terms, of course.
Unlike dogs, they won’t automatically adore you just because you exist. Winning a cat’s heart takes patience, respect, and understanding what actually matters to them. Whether you’re trying to bond with a new cat or just want to strengthen your relationship with your existing feline friend, these little things can make all the difference.
1. Let them come to you.
Nothing makes a cat run in the opposite direction faster than someone who’s too eager to get their attention. Unlike dogs, cats don’t appreciate being chased, picked up randomly, or overwhelmed with affection the second you meet them.
The best way to get a cat to trust you is to let them take the lead. Sit calmly, avoid staring, and let them decide when they’re ready to approach. Once they realise you’re not forcing the interaction, they’ll be far more likely to come closer.
2. Offer slow blinks instead of intense eye contact.
Direct staring can feel like a challenge in the cat world, so if you’re locking eyes with them, they might see it as a sign to keep their distance. Instead, try the slow blink — gently closing your eyes and opening them again in a relaxed way.
Cats use slow blinks to communicate trust and affection, so if they return the gesture, it’s a sign they feel comfortable around you. It’s basically the feline equivalent of a warm smile.
3. Give them the right kind of attention.
Not all cats like the same type of affection. Some love being scratched behind the ears, while others prefer a gentle stroke along their back. And most will not appreciate random belly rubs — unless you enjoy having your hand attacked.
The key is to pay attention to their body language. If they lean into your touch, you’re doing something right. If they flick their tail, pull away, or flatten their ears, take the hint and stop before you ruin the moment.
4. Speak to them in a calm, gentle voice.
Cats might not understand words, but they definitely pick up on tone. Loud noises and sudden movements can put them on edge, so talking to them in a soft, soothing voice helps build trust.
They might not respond right away, but over time, they’ll associate your voice with comfort. Some cats even start ‘talking’ back with little chirps and meows once they feel completely at ease around you.
5. Respect their personal space.
Nothing will make a cat distrust you faster than ignoring their boundaries. If they don’t want to be picked up, don’t pick them up. If they walk away, let them go. Trying to force affection is a guaranteed way to lose their trust.
Instead, give them space and let them decide when they’re in the mood for company. The more control they feel over interactions, the more likely they are to actually want to be around you.
6. Offer treats strategically.
Food is one of the easiest ways to win a cat’s heart, but it’s not just about throwing them a treat and hoping for the best. The trick is to make them associate you with something positive.
Try holding out a treat and letting them come to you, or use treats to reward them when they choose to interact. Over time, they’ll start seeing you as a source of good things rather than just another human in the house.
7. Play with them on their terms.
Cats love to play, but they’re not all into the same types of games. Some prefer chasing a toy on a string, while others go wild for laser pointers or crinkly paper. The key is figuring out what excites them.
Interactive play keeps them active and helps strengthen your bond. A cat that sees you as their playmate is a cat that’s far more likely to trust and enjoy your company.
8. Make sure they feel safe in their environment.
A stressed-out cat isn’t going to be in the mood for bonding. Loud noises, sudden changes, or even unfamiliar smells can make them wary. They need to feel secure in their space before they’ll fully relax around you.
Creating a quiet, safe area where they can retreat when needed helps build trust. Giving them a comfy hiding spot or a high perch where they can observe from a distance will make them feel more in control and, in turn, more comfortable around you.
9. Don’t punish them for acting like a cat.
Cats scratch, climb, knock things over, and sometimes ignore you completely — and that’s just part of who they are. Yelling or punishing them for normal cat behaviour will only make them fearful of you.
Instead of getting frustrated, redirect their energy. If they’re scratching the furniture, give them a scratching post. If they’re jumping on counters, provide alternative high spots they’re actually allowed on. Understanding their instincts instead of trying to control them will go a long way in winning their trust.
10. Groom them if they let you.
Source: Unsplash Some cats love being brushed, while others will fight you like their life depends on it. If yours is the type that enjoys it, regular brushing can be a great way to strengthen your bond and keep their coat in good shape.
Start slowly and see how they react. If they seem to enjoy it, keep going. If they start twitching their tail or trying to escape, back off and try again another time. The goal is to make it a pleasant experience, not a battle.
11. Let them ‘win’ at playtime.
Cats are natural hunters, and their playtime is often an extension of that instinct. If you’re using a toy on a string or a laser pointer, make sure they get the satisfaction of ‘catching’ it now and then.
Constantly teasing them without letting them succeed can be frustrating for them. Giving them the chance to pounce, catch, and ‘kill’ their toy makes the game more fulfilling, and leaves them feeling happy and satisfied.
12. Learn their individual quirks.
Every cat has its own personality. Some are affectionate, some are independent, and some have very specific preferences about how they like to be interacted with. Paying attention to what makes your cat unique is key to building a strong bond.
Maybe they love a certain spot scratched, prefer a specific blanket, or have a favourite routine. The more you understand their little habits, the better you’ll be at making them feel comfortable and appreciated.
13. Be patient — winning a cat’s trust takes time.
Cats don’t warm up to people overnight. Some take days, others take weeks, and some, especially rescue cats or those with past trauma, might take months before they fully trust you.
The key is consistency. Keep showing up, keep respecting their boundaries, and keep making every interaction positive. Once you’ve won a cat’s heart, you’ll know it because when a cat truly trusts you, they show it in ways that are subtle but deeply rewarding.
