Living with ADHD as an adult can be challenging enough, but hearing the same dismissive, uninformed comments from other people makes it worse.
While most people mean well, some of the things they say show a massive lack of understanding about neurodivergence, and they’re annoying, to boot. If you’ve heard these, you’re not alone—and if you’ve said them, it’s time to stop. Here are 14 things people with ADHD are tired of hearing, along with why they’re unhelpful (and what you can say instead).
1. “Everyone gets distracted sometimes.”
Sure, everyone loses focus occasionally, but ADHD isn’t just “getting distracted.” It’s a neurological condition that affects attention, memory, and impulse control. Saying this minimises the daily struggles of managing ADHD. A better approach is to acknowledge the effort it takes to stay focused and organised despite these challenges.
2. “You’re just lazy.”
This one stings. ADHD isn’t about being lazy—it’s about the brain struggling to prioritise tasks, even ones the person desperately wants to complete. What might look like laziness is often exhaustion from constantly fighting to stay on track. Encouragement and understanding are far more helpful than criticism.
3. “You just need to try harder.”
Most adults with ADHD are already trying incredibly hard, but the condition makes it difficult for their efforts to translate into consistent results. This comment adds pressure without acknowledging the barriers ADHD creates. Instead, offering support or suggesting tools to help can make a meaningful difference.
4. “You’re too smart to have ADHD.”
Intelligence has nothing to do with ADHD. In fact, many highly intelligent people have ADHD, but their brains process information differently. It can feel dismissive, as if the person’s challenges aren’t valid because they’re “too smart.” Acknowledge their intelligence without downplaying their struggles.
5. “You’re just looking for an excuse.”
People with ADHD aren’t using their diagnosis as a “get out of jail free” card. They’re often harder on themselves than anyone else could be. Suggesting they’re making excuses dismisses the real effort it takes to navigate life with ADHD. Offering empathy instead of judgement encourages trust and understanding.
6. “ADHD isn’t real—it’s just a modern excuse.”
This comment discredits the person’s lived experience and ignores decades of scientific research. ADHD is a well-documented condition with clear diagnostic criteria. If you don’t understand ADHD, it’s better to ask questions than to make dismissive statements.
7. “Didn’t you grow out of that?”
ADHD isn’t something people “grow out of.” While symptoms might evolve, adults with ADHD often face significant challenges in work, relationships, and everyday life. Rather than assuming it’s a childhood issue, recognise the ongoing impact it has on adulthood.
8. “You just need to get organised.”
For someone with ADHD, getting organised isn’t as simple as buying a planner or making a to-do list. Their brains process priorities and tasks differently, making organisation a constant uphill battle. Offering understanding or sharing strategies can be far more supportive than brushing off their struggles.
9. “Why can’t you just sit still?”
Hyperactivity isn’t about “choosing” to move around—it’s how the ADHD brain regulates itself. For some, sitting still is physically uncomfortable. Instead of focusing on what they’re doing with their body, try paying attention to what they’re saying or how they’re engaging with the task at hand.
10. “ADHD is just an excuse for bad behaviour.”
This unfair assumption ignores the fact that ADHD is about neurological differences, not character flaws. People with ADHD often work hard to manage their impulses and emotions. Offering understanding instead of judgement can go a long way in helping them feel supported.
11. “You don’t seem like you have ADHD.”
ADHD doesn’t look the same in everyone. Some people are hyperactive, while others are more inattentive or struggle with executive functioning. Just because someone doesn’t fit your mental image of ADHD doesn’t mean their challenges aren’t real. Listening to their experience is more valuable than making assumptions.
12. “You’re just making excuses for being forgetful.”
For people with ADHD, forgetfulness isn’t about carelessness—it’s a symptom of how their brain processes information. Comments like this can feel dismissive and hurtful. Acknowledging that forgetfulness is a genuine struggle helps build understanding and reduces unnecessary frustration.
13. “You just need to focus.”
Focusing isn’t something someone with ADHD can simply will into existence. Their brains struggle with regulating attention, especially on tasks that don’t immediately engage them. Offering patience and understanding instead of criticism can help them feel supported rather than misunderstood.
14. “You’ve always been this way—why change now?”
Many adults with ADHD are diagnosed later in life and finally understand why they’ve struggled for so long. Suggesting they shouldn’t try to improve or get support invalidates their efforts to grow. Encouraging them to embrace tools or strategies for change is far more helpful.
