You meet someone who seems incredibly charming — they’re attentive, consistent, and vocal about their feelings for you.
These all seem like green flags, but that’s not all. They also seem to want to have a little too much say in your life, and given that you’ve only just met them or started seeing them, it seems a bit intense. No matter how much you like this person or how innocent it seems, don’t ignore your gut. If someone is doing these things, they’re likely to be very controlling, and your relationship with them could get ugly very quickly.
1. They’re always “just checking in.”
At first, it might seem sweet that they’re always texting or calling to see how you’re doing. But if it feels like they’re keeping tabs on you, it might be more about control than care. Pay attention if they get upset when you don’t respond right away, or if they expect constant updates on your whereabouts.
2. They have an opinion about everything you do.
From what you wear to how you spend your free time, they’ve always got something to say. It’s not just friendly advice — they act like their way is the only right way. If you feel like you can’t make a decision without their input, that’s a red flag.
3. They seem overly critical of everything you do and say.
Nothing you do seems quite good enough for them. They’re always pointing out what you could’ve done better, even with small things. Dealing with constant (and usually unfounded) criticism can chip away at your confidence over time, making you more reliant on their approval.
4. They use guilt as a weapon.
When you do something they don’t like, they’re experts at making you feel bad about it. They might bring up past favours or act hurt and disappointed. Guilt-tripping is a classic control tactic to get you to do what they want — don’t fall for it.
5. They’re always the victim.
No matter what happens, it’s never their fault. They have a knack for twisting situations to make themselves look like the wronged party. What’s worse, their victim mentality can make you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, trying not to “hurt” them.
6. They don’t respect your privacy.
They might snoop through your phone, read your messages, or demand access to your social media accounts. They’ll say it’s because they care or want to protect you, but really, it’s about control. Everyone deserves some privacy, even in close relationships.
7. They isolate you from other people.
Little by little, they try to distance you from friends and family. They might criticise your loved ones or make it hard or awkward for you to spend time with them. This isolation makes you more dependent on them and easier to control.
8. They make all the decisions.
From where to eat to how to spend your money, they always seem to have the final say. They might argue that they’re just good at planning or that they know best. But if you feel like your input doesn’t matter, that’s not a partnership — it’s control.
9. They have unpredictable mood swings.
One minute they’re sweet as pie, the next they’re fuming mad. These mood swings keep you on edge, never sure what to expect. It’s a way of keeping you off balance and more likely to do what they want to avoid conflict.
10. They don’t take “no” for an answer.
When you say no to something, they don’t respect it. They’ll keep pushing, arguing, or trying to change your mind. Their disregard for your boundaries is a big red flag. A respectful person accepts your decisions, even if they don’t agree.
11. They keep score.
They remember every little thing they’ve done for you and expect payback. It’s like they’re keeping a mental tally of favours. Unfortunately, score-keeping turns the relationship into a transaction, where they can cash in their “points” to control your behaviour.
12. They rush the relationship.
They’re pushing for commitment way too fast. It might seem romantic at first, but it’s often a way to lock you down before you see their true colours. If you feel pressured to commit before you’re ready, trust your gut and slow things down.
13. They have rigid expectations.
They have a very specific idea of how things should be done, and they get upset when reality doesn’t match. Their inflexibility can extend to how they think you should act, dress, or live your life. It’s their way or the highway, and that’s not healthy.
14. They don’t respect your time.
They expect you to be available whenever they want, but they don’t extend the same courtesy. They might show up late, cancel plans at the last minute, or demand your attention when you’re busy. Their blatant disregard for your time is a way of asserting their importance over yours.
