We all have our flaws and hang-ups that make getting close to us tough at times.
And to be clear, being hard to love doesn’t mean you’re not loveable — they’re two entirely different things. That being said, there might be certain things you do or habits you’ve developed that push people away rather than drawing them in. While they might be hard to change or break, if these things seem familiar to you, it might be time to overhaul your behaviour if you want to have better relationships.
1. You refuse to ever be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is a key part of connection, but if you’re constantly shutting people out and refusing to let them see the real you, it can create distance. If you never allow yourself to open up, people may feel like they’re always on the outside looking in. Allowing someone to see your true self helps build trust and closeness.
2. You’re emotionally unavailable.
Emotional availability means being present, understanding, and responsive. If you’re constantly distracted, distant, or unwilling to discuss your feelings, it can make your partner feel like they’re chasing after you emotionally. Relationships thrive when both people are willing to share their emotions openly, without fear of rejection.
3. You over-analyse everything.
Overthinking can create unnecessary drama in relationships. Constantly dissecting every word or action can lead to misunderstandings and create tension. Trusting your partner’s words and actions without second-guessing them can lead to a healthier, more relaxed connection.
4. You have a fear of rejection.
When you fear rejection, you might build walls around yourself, which means you can never truly connect. That fear can lead to pushing people away before they have the chance to get too close. Understanding that love involves risk, and trusting that not everyone will reject you, can help ease this barrier.
5. You hold petty grudges.
Refusing to forgive and let bygones be bygones makes it hard to move forward in a relationship. If you’re constantly bringing up old issues or keeping score, it can feel like your partner can never truly win. Letting go of the past and practising forgiveness creates space for love to grow without the weight of history dragging it down.
6. You’re overly independent.
Being self-sufficient is great, but when you push away support or refuse to rely on other people, it can make relationships difficult. Being overly independent can make people feel like they don’t have a place in your life, even though they want to be there for you. It’s important to balance independence with interdependence for healthier relationships.
7. You struggle with trust.
Constantly questioning or doubting your partner’s intentions can be exhausting. If you’ve been hurt before, it can be hard to trust again, but constantly questioning someone’s loyalty or motives can lead to conflict. Trust is built over time and should be given, not constantly earned or scrutinised.
8. You’re quick to shut down or walk away.
If you tend to shut down or walk away during conflict, it can feel like you’re not invested in finding a solution. This can make your partner feel unimportant or like their feelings don’t matter. Effective communication during disagreements is crucial to resolving issues and keeping the bond strong.
9. You’re excessively critical.
Constantly pointing out flaws or focusing on what’s wrong can make people feel like they’re never good enough. While constructive criticism is important, constantly focusing on imperfections rather than strengths can leave your partner feeling defeated. Celebrating the positive and offering gentle guidance creates a healthier dynamic.
10. You have unrealistic expectations.
Expecting perfection from your partner can set them up for failure. No one can meet unrealistic or constantly changing expectations, and all that pressure can lead to frustration. Recognising that no one, including you, is perfect can help create a more understanding and supportive relationship dynamic.
11. You keep people at arm’s length.
If you constantly keep everyone at a distance, even when they want to get closer, it can be tough for them to connect with you. This can be an unconscious defence mechanism, but it can prevent meaningful bonds from forming. Letting people in and allowing yourself to be cared for can open the door to deeper connections.
12. You struggle with compromise.
Relationships are built on give and take, but if you find yourself unwilling to compromise, it can create tension. Being stubborn or always insisting on your own way can make it difficult for your partner to feel heard. Flexibility and willingness to meet in the middle are crucial for a balanced, loving relationship.
13. You’re overly focused on yourself.
While it’s important to take care of yourself, constantly putting your needs and wants first can make it hard for people to feel valued. Relationships require mutual care and understanding. When you take the time to understand your partner’s needs, it strengthens the bond and ensures both of you feel loved and appreciated.
14. You’re afraid of conflict.
Avoiding conflict at all costs can lead to pent-up frustration, miscommunication, and resentment. If you always sweep issues under the rug instead of addressing them head-on, it can make things worse. Healthy conflict resolution is key to understanding each other and finding solutions that work for both parties.
