Some friendships aren’t always as solid as they seem, and sometimes, resentment can start to creep in while you’re none the wiser.
A friend who once seemed supportive might start acting distant, passive-aggressive, or even a little cold. While they might never come out and say they’re feeling irritated by and bitter about you, their behaviour often reveals how they truly feel. If something feels off, here are some little clues that suggest a mate might secretly resent you.
1. Their compliments feel a little off.
At first, their words might sound positive, but something about the way they say it feels off. Their compliments often have a slight edge, like “It must be nice to have everything work out for you” or “You always get lucky, don’t you?” Instead of genuine praise, their words carry a hint of bitterness. When a friend truly supports you, their compliments feel sincere and uplifting. But when resentment creeps in, their words may start sounding more like subtle digs. If their praise consistently leaves you questioning whether it was actually a compliment, it’s a sign something isn’t right.
2. They never seem happy when good things happen in your life.
Instead of celebrating your successes, they seem distant or uninterested. Whether it’s a promotion, a new relationship, or a personal achievement, their reaction feels lukewarm at best. Sometimes, they might even change the subject quickly or find a way to make it about themselves. A good friend shares in your happiness, even when things aren’t going great for them. But if someone resents you, your wins might remind them of what they feel they’re missing. If their energy shifts the moment you share good news, their true feelings may be more complicated than they let on.
3. They don’t really care when you’re struggling.
When you open up about something tough, they don’t seem to take it seriously. They might say things like, “Well, at least you have a good job” or “That doesn’t sound so bad compared to what I’m dealing with.” Instead of offering support, they minimise your problems. A friend who resents you might secretly feel like you have an easier life than they do. So instead of being empathetic, they dismiss your struggles to make themselves feel better. Over time, this can make you feel like your feelings don’t matter to them.
4. They make passive-aggressive “jokes.”
Some people hide resentment behind humour, making comments that sound like jokes but feel more like insults. They might tease you about your personality, lifestyle, or success in a way that doesn’t feel entirely playful. If you call them out, they brush it off with, “I’m just messing with you.” While friendly teasing is normal, there’s a difference between a bit of banter and underlying bitterness. If their jokes consistently leave you feeling uncomfortable, they may not be as harmless as they pretend. Resentment often finds a way to slip out, even if it’s disguised as humour.
5. They act competitive with you.
Every time you accomplish something, they seem to find a way to one-up you. If you get a new job, they suddenly talk about how they’re considering something better. If you mention a compliment someone gave you, they immediately share one they received too. Friendships shouldn’t feel like a competition, but when resentment is involved, one person might feel the need to prove themselves. Instead of supporting each other, the dynamic shifts into a silent rivalry. If it always feels like they’re trying to outshine you, they may secretly see you as a threat.
6. They stop making an effort.
They used to reach out, plan things, and check in on you, but now, the effort is one-sided. You’re always the one texting first, suggesting plans, or keeping the friendship alive. When you stop trying, the friendship starts to fade. Resentment can make someone emotionally check out of a friendship without officially ending it. They may not want to have a confrontation, but they also don’t feel motivated to keep the connection strong. If the friendship feels like it’s running on your effort alone, they may already be pulling away.
7. They only reach out when they need something.
When you need support, they’re nowhere to be found, but when they need a favour, they suddenly remember you exist. They might text after weeks of silence, acting friendly just before asking for something. The friendship starts feeling more transactional than genuine. Friends who resent you might not enjoy being around you anymore, but they still want the benefits of your friendship. If they only show up when it’s convenient for them, their feelings might not be as positive as they claim. A true friend is there for you even when they don’t need anything in return.
8. They exclude you from things.
You notice they’re hanging out with mutual friends, but never invite you. Whether it’s group plans, events, or casual get-togethers, you always seem to be the last to know. When you ask about it, they act like it wasn’t a big deal. Resentment can make people quietly distance themselves instead of addressing their feelings directly. Instead of confronting the issue, they slowly push you out of their social circle. If you constantly feel left out, it might be intentional.
9. They act irritated by your presence.
When you’re around, they seem impatient, short-tempered, or just generally bothered. Little things you do — the way you talk, laugh, or tell stories, for instance — seem to annoy them for no real reason. Their energy feels different, even if they don’t say anything outright. Resentment can build over time, turning a once-close friendship into something tense and uncomfortable. If they always seem on edge around you, it’s possible they’ve been holding onto unspoken frustrations. A friend who enjoys your company shouldn’t act like they can’t wait for you to leave.
10. They stop sharing things with you.
They used to tell you everything, but now, you feel out of the loop. You find out about big life events, struggles, or achievements through other people instead of hearing it from them directly. It’s like they’ve put up a wall between you. When a friend resents you, they may no longer feel comfortable being vulnerable around you. Instead of confiding in you, they keep their distance. If the emotional closeness you once had has disappeared, there’s a reason for it.
11. They brush off your friendships with other people.
When you mention spending time with other friends, they seem unimpressed or dismissive. They might make sarcastic comments like, “Oh, your new best friend?” or “Glad you had fun without me.” It’s as if they’re annoyed that you have connections outside of them. Resentment can make people feel possessive, even if they don’t want to admit it. If they suddenly seem jealous or bothered by your other friendships, they may feel some underlying bitterness. A secure friend supports your other relationships, not subtly criticises them.
12. They make you feel guilty without saying anything.
They don’t confront you directly, but they act cold, distant, or passive-aggressive. When you ask if something’s wrong, they brush it off with, “Nothing, it’s fine,” but their tone says otherwise. Instead of addressing their feelings, they let the resentment simmer under the surface. This kind of behaviour leaves you feeling like you did something wrong, even if you have no idea what it is. A friend who truly values the relationship will communicate openly, not play mind games. If they can’t express what’s bothering them, the friendship can’t move forward.
13. They no longer support you the way they used to.
At one point, they were your biggest cheerleader, but now, their enthusiasm is noticeably absent. They don’t hype you up like they used to, ignore your milestones, or give short, disinterested responses when you share something exciting. Instead of celebrating with you, they seem distant or indifferent. Resentment can make someone withdraw their emotional support, even if they don’t fully realise they’re doing it. If they struggle to show happiness for you, it may be because they feel some underlying bitterness. A true friend should lift you up, not pull away when things go well for you.
14. Being around them feels more draining than uplifting.
Friendships should feel natural and enjoyable, but if every interaction feels tense, forced, or uncomfortable, something has changed. You leave conversations feeling unsettled, exhausted, or wondering if you did something wrong. Even if they never openly express resentment, their energy makes it clear. Sometimes, people hold onto friendships out of habit rather than genuine connection. If spending time together no longer feels good, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship. Resentment doesn’t always explode into a big argument—sometimes, it just lingers in the silence.
