Times change, and so do social expectations, so it’s no surprise that some old-fashioned ideas about chivalry just don’t sit right with Gen Z.
Source: Pexels While politeness and respect are always appreciated, certain outdated gestures now feel condescending, unnecessary, or just plain awkward. What was once seen as romantic or courteous can now come across as patronising or out of touch. Frankly, most people in this younger generation wish these things would fade away for good.
1. Insisting on paying for everything
There was a time when paying for a meal or a night out was seen as a gentleman’s duty. But to Gen Z, insisting on covering the bill without even offering a choice can feel uncomfortable. It suggests an old-school idea that one person is in charge, rather than treating both parties as equals. Many people prefer to split costs or take turns paying, making things feel fair and balanced. If someone offers to pay, that’s fine, but forcing it can make the other person feel powerless or indebted. For Gen Z, financial independence matters, and outdated gender roles around money just don’t sit well anymore.
2. Holding doors open in an exaggerated way
Holding a door open for someone is polite, but making a big deal out of it or acting as if it’s a heroic gesture can feel awkward. Most people appreciate small acts of kindness, but when it’s done in a way that feels forced or performative, it loses its charm. Nobody wants to feel like a helpless character in an old-fashioned romance novel. Gen Z prefers casual, mutual respect — holding doors for each other when it makes sense, rather than turning it into an unnecessary display. It’s about being thoughtful, not trying to prove something. If someone’s close behind, great—hold the door. If not, there’s no need to make a dramatic show of it.
3. Insisting on walking someone home
The idea of walking someone home for safety might have made sense in the past, but now, it can feel overbearing. While some people may appreciate the gesture, assuming that someone needs protection just because of their gender can feel outdated. Many Gen Z women, for example, prefer to handle their own security rather than rely on someone else. It’s always good to offer, but forcing the issue can feel uncomfortable. Some people genuinely want their independence and don’t like the assumption that they’re vulnerable. A simple “Let me know when you get home safe” can be just as thoughtful without making anyone feel smothered.
4. Pulling out chairs or standing when someone enters a room
In the past, it was seen as a mark of respect to stand when someone entered a room or to pull out a chair for them. But these days, it just feels unnecessary and, in some cases, even a little awkward. Most people are perfectly capable of sitting down without assistance. Gen Z values equality over old-school formality, so these kinds of gestures can come across as forced or theatrical. It’s not that they don’t appreciate politeness, it’s just that this particular kind of chivalry feels more like a performance than a genuine act of kindness. If someone struggles with mobility, sure, help out—but otherwise, it’s not needed.
5. Offering a jacket, even when it’s not that cold
The classic movie moment where a man drapes his jacket over someone’s shoulders might look romantic, but in reality, it can feel unnecessary or even patronising. If someone is cold, they’ll probably say so or bring their own coat. The assumption that they need rescuing from the weather feels outdated. Gen Z values personal choice and independence, so making decisions for someone else, especially when they haven’t asked, can feel controlling rather than caring. A simple “Are you cold?” works far better than immediately handing over a jacket like it’s an automatic requirement.
6. Always ordering for someone else
There was a time when ordering for a date was seen as charming, but now, it just seems unnecessary. Most people want to choose their own food and drink without someone else taking charge. It can come across as controlling rather than considerate. Gen Z prefers relationships where both people have an equal say, and that includes what they eat. It’s one thing to offer a recommendation, but speaking to the waiter on someone else’s behalf, especially without asking, can feel outdated. Everyone can handle their own meal choices just fine.
7. Over-apologising for basic things
Being polite is great, but apologising for things that don’t require it, like letting someone walk through a door first or taking up space, can feel excessive. It can even seem insincere when every little thing is met with an unnecessary “I’m so sorry.” Gen Z prefers straightforward, genuine interactions over over-the-top politeness. A simple “excuse me” or “thanks” is usually enough. Constant apologies for things that don’t matter just make social interactions feel awkward.
8. Insisting on carrying everything
Carrying heavy bags for someone when they genuinely need help is thoughtful. But assuming that someone can’t handle their own things, especially when they never asked, can feel condescending. Many people take pride in their independence and don’t want to be treated like they’re incapable. Gen Z prefers kindness that comes from awareness rather than assumption. If someone looks like they’re struggling, offering to help is great, but grabbing their bags without asking can feel intrusive. The key is to offer, not to insist.
9. Giving flowers as the default romantic gesture
Flowers are lovely, but assuming they’re the only acceptable romantic gift feels outdated. Not everyone wants a bouquet that will wilt in a few days — many would prefer something more personal or practical. While the gesture is nice, it doesn’t always match modern relationships. Gen Z tends to appreciate gifts that reflect thoughtfulness over tradition. A favourite snack, a book they’ve wanted, or an experience they’ll enjoy often means more than flowers. Romance isn’t about following outdated scripts; it’s about knowing what the other person actually likes.
10. Over-the-top declarations of love in public
Grand gestures might work in films, but in real life, they can be uncomfortable. Not everyone enjoys being put on the spot with big, dramatic displays of affection, especially in front of strangers. It can feel more like a performance than a genuine moment. Gen Z values authenticity over theatrics, and most people would rather have meaningful moments in private than a public spectacle. A heartfelt message or a quiet, thoughtful gesture often carries more weight than a big show. Love doesn’t need an audience.
11. Expecting a thank you for every tiny gesture
Being kind shouldn’t come with an expectation of constant gratitude. Some people perform “chivalrous” acts mainly because they want recognition, not because they actually care. If the response isn’t overly enthusiastic, they act offended. Gen Z sees kindness as something that should be natural, not transactional. Doing something just for the sake of a “thank you” makes it feel less genuine. If a good deed needs immediate praise, it wasn’t really a good deed.
12. Assuming one gender should always make the first move
The idea that men should always ask first, pay first, or plan first feels outdated to many in Gen Z. Relationships should be about equal effort, and waiting for one person to take charge just creates unnecessary pressure. In modern dating, confidence isn’t about following old-fashioned rules; it’s about mutual interest. If someone likes someone, they should feel free to make the first move, regardless of gender. A balanced relationship is far more appealing than one-sided effort.
13. Assuming women always want to be “protected”
The idea that women need constant protection might have been seen as noble in the past, but to many in Gen Z, it just feels unnecessary. While looking out for others is always a good thing, assuming that a woman needs to be shielded from every minor inconvenience can come across as outdated. Most people are perfectly capable of handling themselves and don’t need to be treated like delicate glass. Instead of stepping in automatically, the better approach is to ask if someone wants help rather than assuming they do. Gen Z values independence, and while protection is appreciated when needed, it shouldn’t be forced onto someone who never asked for it.
14. Thinking only men should do the “hard” or “dirty” tasks
For generations, certain jobs — fixing things, carrying heavy items, dealing with car trouble — were seen as “men’s work.” But Gen Z rejects the idea that gender should dictate who does what. Many women can and do handle practical tasks just fine, and many men don’t see an issue with cooking, cleaning, or other jobs that were once unfairly labelled as “women’s work.” In modern relationships, it’s about sharing responsibilities rather than sticking to old-fashioned roles. Offering to help is always kind, but assuming that one person can’t do something purely because of gender feels outdated. A fairer approach? If you see a task that needs doing, just do it — no unnecessary drama about who “should” be responsible for it.
