Surviving a rough childhood doesn’t automatically mean you automatically emerge into a happier, healthier adulthood.
In fact, going through childhood trauma can stay with you for years to come, especially if you don’t do the work to deal with the things you experienced growing up. If your formative years were full of painful experiences, don’t be surprised if you have some of these personality traits — most survivors do.
1. They struggle with trust issues.
When someone experiences betrayal, neglect, or inconsistency in their early years, it can make it difficult to trust people later in life. This can manifest as scepticism, suspicion, or a fear of intimacy. They might have a hard time believing that people have their best interests at heart or that relationships can be safe and secure.
2. They have a heightened need for control.
A chaotic or unpredictable childhood can leave someone feeling powerless and vulnerable. As a result, they might develop a strong need for control in their adult life. This could manifest as micromanaging, perfectionism, or an inability to delegate tasks. The need for control is often a coping mechanism to protect themselves from feeling overwhelmed or out of control.
3. They exhibit people-pleasing tendencies.
Growing up in an environment where their needs were not consistently met, or their emotions were dismissed, can lead to a tendency to put everyone else’s feelings and needs before their own. They might go out of their way to please people, even at their own expense, in an attempt to gain approval and avoid conflict.
4. They experience anxiety and depression.
Source: Unsplash Childhood trauma can increase the risk of developing anxiety and depression later in life. These mental health conditions can manifest in various ways, such as excessive worry, social anxiety, panic attacks, or persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and fatigue. Seeking professional help can be an important step in managing these conditions and improving overall well-being.
5. They struggle with low self-esteem.
Source: Unsplash Children who experience neglect, criticism, or abuse may internalise those negative messages and develop a low sense of self-worth. This can manifest as self-doubt, insecurity, or a tendency to compare themselves to other people in a negative way. Building self-esteem can be a long and challenging journey, but it’s essential for living a fulfilling and joyful life.
6. They have difficulty expressing their emotions.
If a child’s emotions were ignored, invalidated, or punished, they might learn to suppress their feelings as a coping mechanism. This can lead to difficulty identifying and expressing their emotions in adulthood. They might struggle to communicate their needs or feel overwhelmed by their emotions, leading to emotional outbursts or withdrawal.
7. They have a tendency to isolate themselves.
Childhood trauma can create a sense of isolation and disconnect from the people around them. This can lead to difficulty forming and maintaining relationships, as well as a preference for solitude. They might feel uncomfortable in social situations or have a hard time trusting anyone enough to let them in. Breaking down those walls and building connections can be a gradual process, but it’s worth it for the richness and joy that relationships can bring.
8. They exhibit perfectionist tendencies.
Growing up in an environment where they were constantly criticised or held to impossibly high standards can lead to a need for perfection in all areas of life. They might feel that they need to be perfect to be loved or accepted. This drive for perfection can be both a strength and a weakness, as it can lead to great achievements but also cause stress, anxiety, and burnout if taken to extremes.
9. They have difficulty setting boundaries.
Growing up in an environment where their boundaries were violated or ignored can make it difficult for them to establish and enforce healthy boundaries as adults. They might struggle to say no, tolerate disrespectful behaviour, or prioritise their own needs. Learning to set boundaries is essential for self-preservation and building healthy relationships.
10. They are prone to self-destructive behaviours.
Unresolved childhood trauma can manifest in self-destructive behaviours, such as substance abuse, eating disorders, or self-harm. These behaviours are often a way to cope with emotional pain and numb themselves from difficult feelings. Seeking professional help is crucial for addressing these issues and developing healthier coping mechanisms.
11. They have a fear of abandonment.
Experiencing neglect or loss in childhood can create a deep-seated fear of abandonment. This can manifest as clinginess, insecurity, or jealousy in relationships. They might constantly seek reassurance from their loved ones or fear that they will be left alone. Addressing this fear often involves therapy and developing a stronger sense of self-worth and independence.
12. They have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
Childhood trauma can create patterns of behaviour that make it difficult to form and maintain healthy relationships. They might struggle with intimacy, trust, communication, or conflict resolution. They might also attract partners who repeat the patterns of their childhood, leading to unhealthy and even abusive relationships. Healing from past trauma and learning new relationship skills can help break these patterns and create healthier connections.
13. They have a negative self-image.
Growing up with constant criticism or negative messages about themselves can lead to a distorted self-image. They might see themselves as unlovable, unworthy, or flawed in some way. This negative self-image can affect all areas of their lives, from their relationships to their career choices. Building a more positive self-image often involves challenging negative self-talk, practising self-compassion, and seeking support from a therapist or counsellor.
14. They are prone to self-sabotage.
Sometimes, people who have experienced childhood trauma subconsciously sabotage their own happiness and success. This can manifest as procrastination, self-doubt, or making choices that undermine their well-being. This self-sabotage is often a way of protecting themselves from potential disappointment or failure, as they may not believe they deserve good things. Recognising these patterns and working through them with a therapist can help break the cycle of self-sabotage and pave the way for a more fulfilling life.
