How many times has someone treated you badly, and the people around you have urged you to “be the bigger person”?
It seems like good advice, most of the time — you don’t really want or need to stoop to a toxic person’s level. However, sometimes taking the high road really isn’t the right way to go, especially because it often means you never get to express how you feel or make it clear what you find unacceptable. Here’s why you shouldn’t feel bad for not wanting to just let bygones be bygones.
1. You’re allowed to protect your own boundaries.
It’s important to stand up for yourself and protect your personal boundaries. If being the bigger person means letting someone walk all over you, it’s okay to say no. Your boundaries are a key part of self-respect, and keeping them intact helps maintain your peace of mind.
2. You don’t always have to forgive.
Forgiveness is often praised as the ultimate sign of being the bigger person, but you don’t owe forgiveness to anyone who’s hurt you. It’s okay to hold people accountable for their actions and take the time you need to heal. Choosing whether or not to forgive is a personal decision that should come from a genuine place, not from pressure.
3. It’s not your job to fix every situation.
You don’t have to be the one to smooth things over every time there’s conflict. Sometimes, stepping away is the best option for your mental and emotional health. You’re not responsible for solving other people’s problems, and it’s okay to let things be unresolved if it’s healthier for you.
4. You have the right to express your feelings.
Being the bigger person often means staying silent, but your feelings matter. If someone has upset you, it’s okay to express how you feel. Your emotions are valid, and sharing them can help you process and release any lingering hurt or frustration.
5. Not every situation deserves your energy.
Some situations just aren’t worth your time and effort. You don’t need to invest your energy into every disagreement or slight. Prioritising where you put your focus helps protect your energy for the things and people that truly matter to you.
6. People need to face consequences.
If someone’s wronged you, it’s okay to let them face the consequences of their actions. Being the bigger person doesn’t mean letting people off the hook when they’ve hurt you. Allowing them to experience the results of their behaviour can be a part of their own growth and learning process.
7. It’s okay to prioritise your mental health.
Source: Unsplash Putting your mental health first sometimes means not engaging in every conflict or trying to take the high road. If a situation is too toxic or draining, stepping back is a valid choice. Protecting your mental well-being is essential for leading a balanced and healthy life.
8. You’re not responsible for how other people feel.
Source: Unsplash You don’t need to manage other people’s feelings or ensure everyone else is comfortable. If standing up for yourself makes someone uncomfortable, that’s not your problem. You can’t control other people’s reactions, and your priority should be your own emotional health.
9. Conflict can be healthy.
Source: Unsplash Avoiding conflict just to be the bigger person can sometimes do more harm than good. It’s okay to engage in healthy disagreements and stand your ground. Honest conversations, even if uncomfortable, can help clear the air and lead to stronger relationships.
10. You deserve respect, too.
Source: Unsplash Being the bigger person often comes with the expectation that you should overlook disrespect. But you deserve respect just as much as anyone else. Allowing yourself to be treated poorly is not a requirement for maintaining peace—your self-worth matters.
11. It’s okay to let people go.
Source: Unsplash You don’t have to keep people in your life if they’re not treating you well. Sometimes, not being the bigger person means walking away from relationships that no longer serve you. Letting people go can open up space in your life for healthier and more positive connections.
12. Standing up for yourself isn’t a bad thing.
There’s a difference between being confrontational and standing up for yourself. You don’t always have to take the high road if it means compromising your self-worth. Standing your ground can be a powerful way to show that you know your value and won’t tolerate less.
13. Not every apology is deserved.
Source: Unsplash Just because someone apologises doesn’t mean you have to accept it or pretend everything is fine. You’re allowed to take time to decide if the apology is genuine and if you’re ready to move forward. You have every right to decide whether or not you’re willing to forgive, and on your own terms.
14. It’s okay to choose yourself.
Source: Unsplash At the end of the day, choosing yourself is sometimes the best thing you can do. If being the bigger person means sacrificing your happiness or peace of mind, it’s perfectly okay to put yourself first. Looking after your needs is an important part of living a fulfilling life.
