Breakups are tough enough, but when your ex is a narcissist, it can feel like absolute torture.
Narcissists can’t just walk away and move on with their lives — they’re all about keeping the drama going long after the relationship ends, feeding their need for control and validation. Here are just a few of the ways they’ll act out and treat their ex as bad as they did during the relationship after the breakup.
1. They play the victim.
Even if they caused the breakup, a narcissist will paint themselves as the wronged party. They’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that you mistreated them or “ruined” their life. Playing the victim keeps the spotlight on them and helps them dodge accountability. It’s all about controlling the narrative.
2. They spread rumours and lies.
Narcissists have no problem smearing your reputation to make themselves look better. They might exaggerate your flaws, fabricate stories, or twist the truth. Doing this keeps them feeling superior while undermining your credibility. They thrive on making you seem like the “bad guy.”
3. They flaunt a new relationship immediately.
To prove they’ve “moved on” and make you jealous, a narcissist often jumps into a new relationship right away. They’ll post it all over social media or mention it casually through mutual friends. It’s not about happiness — it’s about proving their desirability and keeping you emotionally hooked.
4. They try to guilt-trip you.
They’ll pull out every emotional manipulation trick to make you feel responsible for the breakup. Statements like, “I can’t believe you’d give up on us” or “You’ll regret this forever” are designed to trigger guilt. They want you to feel like the villain, even when you’re not.
5. They refuse to respect your boundaries.
Even after the breakup, they ignore your requests for space or no contact. They might show up unannounced, send constant messages, or “accidentally” run into you. This behaviour is a way to maintain control and make it clear that they still have access to your life.
6. They act like the breakup never happened.
In some cases, they’ll pretend you’re still together or that the breakup was just a “rough patch.” Their denial helps them avoid the reality of losing control. By acting like nothing has changed, they confuse you and try to keep the door open for their return.
7. They hoard your belongings.
Holding onto your stuff is a way for them to keep a connection, even if you’ve moved on. They might claim they “forgot” to give it back or that it’s too much hassle to return it. It’s a tactic to keep you tied to them and to exercise control over your closure.
8. They use mutual friends as pawns.
Narcissists often manipulate mutual friends to stay in the loop about your life. They might ask friends to “check in” on you or spread messages indirectly. By keeping a connection through other people, they maintain a sense of control and keep their presence lingering.
9. They alternate between love and hate.
One minute, they’re reminiscing about the good times; the next, they’re attacking your character. The emotional whiplash is designed to confuse and destabilise you. By keeping you guessing, they maintain the upper hand and prevent you from fully moving on.
10. They sabotage your future relationships.
If they see you moving on, they may try to ruin your new relationship. They might spread lies, reach out to your new partner, or create drama. Their ego can’t handle you finding happiness without them, so they do everything they can to undermine it.
11. They demand recognition for your success.
If you achieve something after the breakup, a narcissist might claim credit. They’ll say things like, “You’d never have done that without me” or “I taught you everything you know.” It’s their way of staying relevant and diminishing your achievements.
12. They stalk you online or offline.
Social media is a tool for them to keep tabs on your life. They may obsessively check your posts, comment under fake accounts, or monitor who you’re interacting with. In more extreme cases, they might even show up where you are. Their behaviour is about control, not curiosity.
13. They play mind games with your emotions.
They might send you mixed signals, like reaching out with a heartfelt message and then going cold. These mind games are meant to confuse you, keep you emotionally attached, and prevent you from moving on. They thrive on your uncertainty.
14. They demand closure on their terms.
A narcissist will insist on having the final say in the breakup. They might refuse to accept your reasons or demand endless conversations to “understand” what went wrong. It’s not about genuine closure — it’s about dragging things out until they feel in control.
