No one likes being criticised, but when it’s constructive, it can actually be helpful.
However, some people find feedback particularly tough to handle. Maybe it stirs up feelings of insecurity or triggers bad memories, but either way, it’s not great. If this sounds like it might be you, it’s important to understand that struggling with criticism can affect your relationships, personal growth, and even your confidence. If any of these responses sound familiar when someone is less than complimentary toward you, it means you struggle in this area. If so, don’t worry — there are things you can do to change your perspective and start taking constructive criticism in your stride.
1. You immediately get defensive.
Your first reaction might be to argue, justify, or shut down the feedback. It’s natural to feel defensive, especially if you feel like you’re being attacked. But taking a step back before responding can help you process the feedback more calmly. Remind yourself that the criticism isn’t about you as a person —it’s about your actions or approach. Giving yourself time to breathe helps you respond more thoughtfully and objectively.
2. You feel personally attacked.
It’s easy to take criticism to heart, but when it feels like it’s a judgement on who you are as a person, it’s a sign that the feedback is hitting your self-worth. Instead of thinking, “I’m not good enough,” try reframing it as, “Here’s something I can improve on.” Separating your identity from the situation helps you see criticism as a chance to learn and grow, not a personal attack.
3. You replay the criticism in your mind.
Overthinking feedback long after the conversation is over is a common reaction, but it doesn’t help anything. If you find yourself replaying the words in your head, focus on the practical takeaways instead. What can you learn from the feedback? Let go of the emotional aspects and focus on how you can use it to improve. Changing your mindset turns criticism into something constructive rather than something to dwell on.
4. You never ask for feedback even when you know it would be helpful.
Avoiding feedback altogether might seem like a way to protect yourself, but it actually limits your growth. Without feedback, you won’t know where you can improve or excel. Start by asking for feedback in smaller, low-stakes situations. The more you get comfortable asking, the easier it becomes to accept and learn from it. Asking for feedback is a sign of strength — it shows you’re committed to growing and improving.
5. You take longer to accept mistakes.
If you find it tough to admit when you’ve made a mistake, it could be because you’re resisting the discomfort that comes with owning up to it. But the sooner you accept responsibility, the sooner you can fix things and move forward. Acknowledging where you went wrong shows maturity and creates an opportunity to learn from them. Practise owning up to your errors, even when it feels tough — it’ll help you grow in the long run.
6. You question the critic’s intentions.
When you’re focused on the person giving the feedback instead of the feedback itself, you might miss the chance to learn something valuable. Doubting someone’s motives can stop you from considering whether their feedback has merit. While not all criticism is helpful, assuming the best and focusing on the content of the message helps you process it better. Look past the delivery and focus on the lesson.
7. You feel embarrassed when someone corrects you.
Criticism, especially in front of other people, can trigger feelings of embarrassment. It can be hard to stay calm when you feel exposed or judged, but it’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes—being corrected doesn’t mean you’re incompetent. See it as part of the learning process, not a reflection of your abilities. Working on changing your perspective helps you deal with the discomfort and focus on the feedback instead.
8. You feel the need to be perfect.
A perfectionist mindset makes criticism feel extra hard to take because it challenges your idea of being flawless, but perfection is unattainable. Mistakes are part of the journey, and they’re the things that help you grow. Once you embrace the fact that no one is perfect, criticism will feel less threatening. Allowing yourself to be imperfect helps you approach challenges with a growth mindset, instead of fearing failure.
9. You downplay or discount the feedback.
Dismissing feedback as unimportant is a way to protect yourself from discomfort. But when you brush off criticism, you miss the chance to learn from it. Instead of dismissing the comments, take a moment to reflect on them. Ask yourself if there’s a lesson in what was said, even if it wasn’t delivered perfectly. This helps you stay open to growth and ensures you don’t miss valuable feedback.
10. You avoid situations where you might fail.
Fear of criticism can lead to avoiding situations where you might not succeed. However, avoiding challenges means you’re not taking the opportunities for growth that come with them. Instead of running from the possibility of failure, try to see it as a part of the process. Taking risks and facing challenges head-on builds resilience and helps you learn valuable lessons. Don’t let fear of criticism stop you from stepping outside your comfort zone.
11. You focus on the tone, not the content.
When you’re focused more on how criticism is delivered rather than what’s actually being said, you can miss out on the helpful insights within it. Yes, tone matters, but it’s more important to pay attention to the substance of the feedback. Try to filter out any emotional reactions to the delivery and focus on the useful parts of the message. Doing so helps you learn from the feedback without getting sidetracked by how it was said.
12. You try to justify everything.
The instinct to explain yourself or defend every action is common, but it often comes across as deflecting criticism rather than engaging with it. Instead of jumping into justification mode, try to listen to the feedback with an open mind. Ask questions to clarify points, but don’t feel the need to defend your actions right away. It makes for a more productive conversation and shows you’re open to growth.
13. You avoid self-reflection.
If you struggle with criticism, you might also avoid reflecting on your own actions. It can be uncomfortable, but self-reflection is key to learning and improving. Take some time to honestly evaluate your actions and how they align with your goals. Reflection helps you process feedback more effectively and make better decisions going forward. It’s a crucial part of personal growth.
14. You let criticism linger too long.
Sometimes, people dwell on criticism long after it’s been given, letting it affect their self-esteem and confidence. Holding onto negative feedback only creates unnecessary stress. Instead, acknowledge the feedback, take note of what you can improve, and move forward. Don’t let criticism hold you back—focus on how you can apply what you’ve learned and leave the rest behind.
