The UK and the US might both speak English, but we definitely have very different versions of it, that’s for sure.
Cultural differences between us and our mates across the pond have created plenty of myths about how British people speak. Hollywood and TV have done their part in shaping these ideas, often with hilarious inaccuracies. Americans seem to think that we say these things all the time in the UK, when to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say them in my entire life — at least not seriously!
1. “Cheerio!”
If you believe every British person bids farewell with a cheerful “cheerio,” think again. This is almost exclusively reserved for old films and certain grandparents who like to keep traditions alive. These days you’re more likely to hear “bye,” “see you later,” or even just a casual “laters.” “Cheerio” has all but disappeared from everyday speech, except maybe as a joke.
2. “Pip pip!”
Americans often think this is the quintessential British way to say hello or goodbye, thanks to outdated stereotypes of upper-class gentlemen. But no one actually says this anymore — if they ever really did, that is. In reality, Brits are more likely to greet you with a simple “alright?” or “hiya.” “Pip pip” is firmly in the realm of parody and period dramas.
3. “Fancy a spot of tea?”
While we do obviously love our tea, no one actually says “a spot of tea” in real life. The phrasing sounds overly formal and outdated, more like something from a Victorian novel than a modern conversation. You’re more likely to hear, “Fancy a brew?” or “Shall I put the kettle on?” when someone’s offering tea. It’s less about the phrasing and more about the unspoken rule that tea fixes everything.
4. “It’s just a bit of bants.”
Banter, or “bants,” is a real thing in the UK, obviously, but the way it’s used is rarely as theatrical as Americans imagine. The idea of someone laughingly saying, “Oh, it’s just a bit of bants!” feels forced and unnatural. We tend to let our sarcasm or humour do the talking without announcing it. The humour itself is subtle; explaining it would ruin the joke entirely.
5. “Blimey!”
Thanks to the likes of “Harry Potter,” “blimey” is often associated with British surprise or shock, but it’s far from a go-to phrase in the UK today, unless someone’s being deliberately theatrical. You’re more likely to hear “wow,” “oh my days,” or even an exasperated “for crying out loud.” “Blimey” belongs more in the realm of British clichés than everyday speech.
6. “Toodle-oo!”
This old-fashioned goodbye might sound amusing, but it’s not something we actually say. It’s more likely to pop up in a period drama or as part of a joke rather than in real life. Instead, Americans should expect to hear “bye,” “cheers,” or even a casual “take care.” Anything else would sound overly quaint or ironic.
7. “Mind the gap” (outside the Tube).
“Mind the gap” is an iconic phrase in London’s Tube system, warning passengers to watch their step. But outside of public transport, we don’t casually throw this phrase into conversation as Americans might think — in fact, those of us who live outside London literally never so much as think about it. In everyday life, it’s more common to hear “watch your step” or even “be careful” than a direct reference to the Tube’s famous announcement.
8. “Top of the morning to you!”
This one’s a double offender: not only is it not British, but it’s also not even commonly Irish despite the stereotype. No Brit starts our day with this overly cheerful phrase unless we’re playing up to a caricature. Instead, you might get a casual “morning” or “how’s it going?” depending on where you are in the UK. Anything more elaborate would feel unnecessarily formal or ironic.
9. “Crikey!”
Another phrase popularised by British films and TV, “crikey” is rarely heard these days. While it’s technically a valid exclamation of surprise, it’s largely fallen out of use among younger generations. You’re more likely to hear a straightforward “wow” or “no way” when someone’s genuinely shocked. “Crikey” feels more like something a character from the 1940s might say.
10. “Would you like some biscuits with your tea?”
Yes, we do love our tea and biscuits, but this exact phrasing is something Americans might expect to hear in a “Downton Abbey”-style setting. In reality, it’s much more casual. You’re more likely to hear, “Want a biscuit?” or “Do you fancy something with your tea?” The sentiment’s there, but the formality isn’t.
11. “Chuffed to bits!”
“Chuffed” is real, and we obviously do use it to express happiness or pride. But the full phrase, “chuffed to bits,” is rarely heard outside of TV comedies or exaggerated impressions. Most people would just say “I’m well chuffed” or simply “I’m so happy with that.” The key is keeping it understated, as British enthusiasm is often subtle rather than over the top.
12. “Splendid!”
Americans often associate “splendid” with quintessential British speech, imagining it as the go-to word for anything good. However, it’s far from common in modern conversation and feels overly posh. Instead, we’re more likely to say something like “brilliant,” “lovely,” or even just “great.” “Splendid” might make an ironic appearance, but that’s about it (unless of course you’re one of the royals — they probably say it loads).
13. “I’m off to the loo.”
While “loo” is a real word for the toilet in the UK, the phrase “I’m off to the loo” sounds too deliberate to be natural. It’s more common to hear “I’m just popping to the loo” or “back in a sec.” We prefer more casual phrasing, keeping things light and conversational rather than sounding overly proper.
14. “Keep calm and carry on.”
This phrase, though iconic, is more associated with merchandise than actual conversation. You’re unlikely to hear someone seriously say it, unless they’re quoting it sarcastically or referencing the poster trend. When faced with challenges, Brits are more likely to say “We’ll manage” or “It’ll be alright in the end,” which more accurately reflects our famous stoicism without leaning on slogans.
