Brits love a good moan, and when it comes to Americans, there’s no shortage of things we love sounding off on.
While most of it is harmless fun, there are certain habits, phrases, and cultural quirks that make many of us sort of quietly shake our heads and mutter, “Only in America.” We might not always say it out loud, but they can bet we’re judging just a little. These are just some of the things we can’t help but smugly side-eye about Americans.
1. Calling football “soccer”
Nothing makes us cringe faster than hearing our beloved football referred to as “soccer.” It doesn’t matter that the term actually originated in England — these days, it’s an Americanism, and that’s enough to make it unacceptable. The idea of calling a sport played mostly with hands “football” while the actual football is downgraded to “soccer” just doesn’t sit right. Even worse is the confidence with which Americans insist their version is the “real” football. We may not argue about it (not worth the trouble), but it drives us ’round the bend.
2. Overenthusiastic customer service
Walking into a British shop means being largely ignored unless you actively ask for help. In America, you’re barely over the threshold before someone’s cheerfully asking how your day’s going and if they can help you find anything. To Brits, this much enthusiasm is deeply unsettling. There’s an unspoken understanding in the UK that everyone is just trying to get through their day with minimal interaction. We can’t help but judge the overly peppy greetings, the forced small talk, and the awkwardness of someone walking you all the way around the store. Just leave us alone already!
3. Tipping culture
Having to whip out a calculator every time you pay a bill is something we’ll never understand, despite the fact this is slowly creeping into our culture as well. Still, while tipping exists here, it’s nothing compared to the American expectation of leaving at least 20%, plus extra for every service imaginable. The stress of figuring out who to tip, how much, and whether it’ll be awkward if you don’t is enough to put us off eating out altogether. What really gets us, though, is being expected to tip even when the service is terrible. Here, a tip is a bonus. In the US, it’s an obligation.
4. Cheerleading everything
There’s a certain American tendency to be overly enthusiastic about… well, everything. Whether it’s clapping at the end of a flight, chanting at sports games, or saying things like “awesome” and “amazing” for even the most mundane situations, We tend to find the whole thing a bit much. It’s not that we don’t appreciate positivity, it’s just that we find it exhausting when everything is turned into a motivational speech. Sometimes, things are just “alright.”
5. Over-the-top TV news
American news channels feel less like actual news and more like high-stakes reality TV. The dramatic music, the scrolling headlines, the overly intense anchors — it’s all a bit ridiculous to us. We’re used to the more subdued and slightly grumpy tone of the BBC. The best (or worst) part is the blatant bias. Whether it’s one network screaming about the “woke agenda” or another panicking about the end of democracy, we’re incredibly amused by how performative it all is. A simple weather report shouldn’t feel like a national crisis.
6. The obsession with giant portions
A standard American meal is what most of us would consider enough to feed a small family. Plates arrive piled high with food, drinks are comically oversized, and somehow, there’s still free refills. Watching Americans casually polish off a portion that could feed three people is both impressive and mildly terrifying. Even more baffling is the concept of a “doggy bag.” In the UK, you either finish your meal or accept defeat. Taking leftovers home is seen as a bit odd, but in the US, it’s practically expected. It’s a strange mix of wastefulness and practicality.
7. Guns. Just… guns.
Few things make Brits more smugly baffled than America’s relationship with guns. The idea of walking into a supermarket and seeing firearms for sale next to frozen pizzas is so alien that it feels like a dystopian film. The fact that so many Americans genuinely believe carrying a gun makes them safer just doesn’t compute. Even Americans who try to explain it to us get met with blank stares. The UK’s general approach of “just don’t have guns” seems to be working just fine, and we’ll never understand why the US doesn’t follow suit.
8. Saying “I’m Irish” when they’ve never been to Ireland
Americans love to claim their heritage like it’s a defining personality trait. That’s why we find it so funny when someone insists they’re “Irish” or “Scottish” despite having never set foot in either place. Having a great-great-grandparent from Cork doesn’t make you Irish — it makes you someone with distant Irish ancestry. The same goes for other European backgrounds. We have to side-eye any American who proudly declares they’re “German” while speaking zero German and never having left Ohio.
9. Driving everywhere
In the UK, walking to the shop or taking public transport is completely normal. In the US, even a five-minute journey somehow requires a car. The idea that someone would drive to pick up milk from a shop that’s literally around the corner just doesn’t make sense. What’s even funnier is how Americans react to the idea of walking somewhere. If we tell them we walked 20 minutes to get somewhere, the response is usually a mix of shock and concern, like they just completed a marathon.
10. The way they measure everything
Fahrenheit, miles, cups — why? The US is one of the only places that refuses to join the metric system, and many of us find the whole thing a bit silly. Measurements should make sense, not involve memorising arbitrary conversions. It’s even more confusing when Americans mix units. Using miles for distance but grams for food? Saying someone is “six foot” but measuring everything else in inches? It’s like they’re just making it up as they go.
11. The weird obsession with flags
Brits have national pride, but we don’t feel the need to slap the Union Jack on everything. In America, flags are everywhere — outside houses, on bumper stickers, even on clothing. The idea of wearing a full outfit covered in the British flag would be considered embarrassing, but in the US, it’s just another Tuesday. The sheer level of patriotism is both impressive and slightly unsettling. To Brits, loving your country is fine, but treating a flag like it’s a sacred relic is just a bit much.
12. Not knowing how to drink properly
Americans drink, but they don’t quite drink like Brits. Ordering a pint and seeing it arrive in a flimsy plastic cup is enough to make us reconsider their life choices. Even worse is when bars stop serving alcohol at a ridiculously early hour — what do you mean last call is at midnight? Then there’s the drinking age. We’ll never understand how Americans can legally drive, get married, and join the military at 18 but can’t have a beer until they’re 21. It’s one of those things that just doesn’t make sense.
13. Overcomplicating tea
The British relationship with tea is sacred, and Americans have a habit of ruining it. Putting the teabag in after the water? Travesty. Serving it lukewarm? Unacceptable. Don’t even mention sweet tea because that’s an entirely different level of wrong. Nothing makes Brits more smug than watching Americans fumble their way through making a proper cup of tea. It’s a simple process, and yet, somehow, they always manage to get it horribly wrong.
14. Saying “have a nice day” and actually meaning it
We’re not unfriendly, but there’s something suspicious about the way Americans end every interaction with a cheerful “have a nice day.” It’s just… too much. No one is that happy all the time. Here, if a shopkeeper says “cheers” or “ta,” that’s about as warm as it gets. Anything more feels excessive. We’ll always judge Americans for their relentless optimism, but secretly, we might be a little jealous.
