Being there for someone who’s going through a rough patch can be exhausting, no matter how much you care about them.
Trying to keep your head above water while also keeping someone else afloat is easier said than done, and it can leave you feeling like your own sanity is at risk at a certain point. Here are some tips to help you be a more supportive friend without completely losing the plot yourself.
1. Set boundaries before you’re at your wit’s end.
It’s easy to dive in head first when a mate needs help, but that’s a guaranteed way to burn out. Be clear from the off about what you can and can’t do. Maybe you’re available for a chat every other day, but not at 3 am. Or perhaps you can lend an ear, but not cash. Setting limits isn’t selfish — it’s vital for staying sane and actually being helpful in the long run.
2. Don’t try to fix everything yourself.
You’re not Superman, so stop trying to save the day single-handedly. It’s okay to admit when something’s beyond your capabilities. If your friend’s issues are more than you can handle, encourage them to get some additional support. Remember, being supportive doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers.
3. Take care of your own needs first.
Source: Unsplash It might sound counterintuitive, but looking after yourself becomes even more important when supporting someone else. If you’re running on empty, you’re no use to anyone. Make sure you’re eating properly, getting enough sleep, and taking time for yourself. It’s not selfish — it’s necessary maintenance to keep you in top form for helping people.
4. Listen without trying to solve every problem.
Sometimes, people just need to vent. They don’t always want advice or solutions — they just want to be heard. Do some active listening: nod, make eye contact, and ask questions to show you’re engaged. Resist the urge to jump in with fixes for every issue. Often, a sympathetic ear is more valuable than a barrage of suggestions.
5. Encourage independence rather than dependence.
It’s tempting to do everything for someone when they’re struggling, but that can create an unhealthy dynamic. Instead, support them in finding their own solutions. Ask questions like “What do you think you could do about that?” or “How can I support you in handling this yourself?” They need to build confidence and problem-solving skills.
6. Don’t neglect your other relationships.
When you’re focused on supporting one person, it’s easy to let other relationships slide. But maintaining your social network is crucial for your own sake. Make time for other friends and family. They can give you some support and a much-needed break from the intensity of your helping role.
7. Be honest about your own limitations.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or out of your depth, say so. It’s better to be upfront than to pretend you’re coping when you’re not. You might say something like, “I care about you and want to help, but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Can we talk about other ways you could get support?” Honesty strengthens trust and prevents resentment from building up.
8. Celebrate small victories together.
Supporting someone through tough times can be a slog, so make sure to acknowledge progress, no matter how small. Did they make it to work today after a week of struggling to get out of bed? That’s worth celebrating. Recognising these small steps can boost morale for both of you and provide much-needed positivity.
9. Don’t take their behaviour personally.
When someone’s going through a rough patch, they might lash out or withdraw. It’s easy to take this personally, but try to remember it’s usually not about you. Their behaviour is often a reflection of their internal struggle, not a commentary on your support. Take a step back and try not to let their mood swings affect your own mental state.
10. Make time for light-hearted moments.
Support doesn’t always have to be serious conversations and problem-solving. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is provide a bit of normality and fun. Watch a silly film together, share a laugh over a cuppa, or reminisce about good times. Some moments of levity can be a welcome break from the heaviness of their situation.
11. Learn to recognise when you’re getting stressed.
Pay attention to your own stress levels. Are you getting snappy? Having trouble sleeping? Feeling constantly anxious? These could be signs that you’re taking on too much. Learning to spot these warning signs early can help you take action before you reach burnout.
12. Don’t be afraid to take a step back when needed.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a breather. You could say something like, “I care about you, but I need a bit of time to recharge. Can we touch base again in a few days?” Taking a step back doesn’t mean you’re abandoning them — it means you’re ensuring you can continue to be there for them in the long run.
13. Remember that you’re not responsible for their happiness.
It’s natural to want to see your friend feel better, but ultimately, their happiness isn’t your responsibility. You can offer support, but you can’t force someone to be happy or make different choices. Accepting this can take a huge weight off your shoulders and help you maintain a healthier perspective.
14. Build your own support network.
Supporting someone can be isolating, so make sure you have your own support system in place. This could be friends, family, or even online communities of people in similar situations. Having a place to vent, ask for advice, or just take a break can be a lifesaver when you’re in a supporting role.
