Ah, hopeless romantics. You know the type – the ones who swoon over sunsets, love love songs, and believe in soulmates. While there’s nothing wrong with a bit of romance, sometimes it can tip into unhealthy territory. We’re not here to burst your bubble, but rather to shed light on some habits that might be holding you back from truly happy and healthy relationships. So, grab a cuppa (or a glass of wine, we don’t judge), and let’s explore some of the less-than-ideal tendencies of the hopeless romantic.
1. You idealise your partner and overlook their flaws.
You see your partner through rose-tinted glasses, focusing on their positive qualities and downplaying or ignoring their flaws. While it’s important to appreciate your partner’s strengths, ignoring their shortcomings can create unrealistic expectations and lead to disappointment when reality doesn’t match your idealised image. Remember, everyone has flaws, and accepting them is part of loving someone for who they truly are.
2. You rush into relationships and mistake infatuation for love.
You fall hard and fast, often mistaking the initial excitement and passion of a new relationship for deep, lasting love. This can lead you to make impulsive decisions, such as moving in together or getting married too quickly, before truly getting to know your partner. It’s important to take things slow and allow the relationship to develop naturally before making any major commitments.
3. You constantly look for validation and reassurance from your partner.
Source: Unsplash You crave constant affirmation of your partner’s love and affection. You need to hear “I love you” multiple times a day, receive regular compliments, and be showered with gifts and grand gestures. While it’s normal to want to feel loved and appreciated, relying on external validation can create insecurity and put undue pressure on your partner. Remember, true love comes from within, and you shouldn’t need constant reassurance to feel secure in your relationship.
4. You believe in “the one” and have unrealistic expectations of love.
Source: Unsplash You believe that there’s only one person out there for you, your soulmate, and that once you find them, everything will be perfect. You expect your partner to be your everything – your best friend, lover, confidant, and adventure partner. While it’s wonderful to have a deep and fulfilling connection with your partner, expecting them to fulfil all your needs and desires is unrealistic and can put a strain on the relationship. It’s important to have a life outside of your relationship and maintain your own interests and friendships.
5. You put your partner on a pedestal and sacrifice your own needs and happiness.
You prioritise your partner’s happiness above your own, often neglecting your own needs, interests, and desires to please them. You might give up your hobbies, friendships, or career aspirations to focus solely on the relationship. While compromise is important in any relationship, it’s equally important to maintain your own identity and prioritise your own well-being. Remember, a healthy relationship involves a balance of give and take.
6. You hold on to past relationships and compare them to your current one.
Source: Unsplash You dwell on past loves, reminiscing about the good times and comparing your current partner to your exes. You might even fantasise about reuniting with an ex or wonder if you made the right choice. Holding on to the past can prevent you from fully embracing your current relationship and appreciating your partner for who they are. It’s important to let go of the past and focus on building a future with the person you’re with now.
7. You romanticise conflict and drama, believing it’s a sign of passion.
Source: Unsplash You see passionate arguments and dramatic make-up sessions as a sign of intense love and connection. You might even instigate conflict or create drama to keep the spark alive. However, constant conflict and drama can be exhausting and damaging to a relationship. It’s important to differentiate between healthy passion and toxic behaviour. True love is built on mutual respect, understanding, and communication, not on constant turmoil.
8. You are quick to forgive and forget, even when your partner repeatedly hurts you.
Source: Unsplash You believe in second (or third, or fourth) chances, even when your partner repeatedly betrays your trust or hurts you. You might excuse their behaviour, blame yourself, or simply hope that they’ll change. While forgiveness is important in any relationship, it’s equally important to set boundaries and hold your partner accountable for their actions. Repeatedly forgiving without seeing any change can enable unhealthy patterns to continue and prevent you from finding a truly fulfilling relationship.
9. You neglect your own needs and well-being in favour of the relationship.
Source: Unsplash You put your partner’s needs above your own, sacrificing your self-care, personal goals, and overall happiness to maintain the relationship. You might neglect your health, social life, or career aspirations to focus solely on your partner. This imbalance can lead to resentment, burnout, and a loss of self-identity. Remember, a healthy relationship involves taking care of yourself as well as your partner.
10. You overanalyse your partner’s words and actions, searching for hidden meanings.
You read into every text message, social media post, and facial expression, searching for hidden messages or signs of trouble. You overthink every interaction, trying to decipher your partner’s true feelings or intentions. This constant overanalysis can lead to unnecessary anxiety, paranoia, and misunderstandings. It’s important to communicate openly and directly with your partner instead of trying to read between the lines.
11. You believe that love conquers all and ignore major incompatibilities.
Source: Unsplash You believe that love is enough to overcome any obstacle, including major differences in values, goals, or lifestyles. You might ignore red flags or rationalise your partner’s behaviour, convincing yourself that love will eventually solve all your problems. While love is a powerful force, it’s not a magical solution to all of life’s challenges. It’s important to acknowledge and address any major incompatibilities early on to avoid future heartache and disappointment.
12. You constantly crave romantic gestures and grand displays of affection.
You crave romantic gestures like candlelit dinners, surprise gifts, and elaborate declarations of love. You believe that these grand displays of affection are essential for a fulfilling relationship. While it’s nice to be romanced and feel special, it’s important to remember that true love is expressed in everyday actions and small gestures of kindness, not just in occasional extravagant displays. Don’t get caught up in the idea that love needs to be constantly exciting and dramatic.
13. You have difficulty letting go of relationships, even when they are clearly not working.
Source: Unsplash You cling to the hope that things will magically improve or that your partner will suddenly change. You might stay in a relationship that’s emotionally draining, unfulfilling, or even abusive, simply because you’re afraid of being alone or don’t want to give up on the idea of love. It’s important to recognise when a relationship has run its course and have the courage to walk away, even if it’s painful. Holding on to a dead-end relationship only prevents you from finding a truly fulfilling one.
14. You define yourself by your relationship status and measure your self-worth by whether you’re in love.
Source: Unsplash You believe that being in a relationship is the ultimate goal, and that your happiness and self-worth are directly tied to your relationship status. You might feel incomplete or inadequate when you’re single and put immense pressure on yourself to find a partner. This can lead to settling for less than you deserve, staying in unhealthy relationships, or feeling like a failure when relationships end. Remember, your relationship status does not define your worth. You are a valuable and complete person, regardless of whether you’re in love.
