Brainwashing doesn’t just happen in Netflix documentaries about crazy cults — it happens in real life more than you’d think.
Toxic people will manipulate the way you think to control you and get you to do their bidding, and the worst part is, you don’t even realise it’s happening half the time until it’s too late. If someone in your life — whether it’s a friend, romantic partner, or even a family member — is behaving toward you in ways that you feel uneasy or unsure about, look for these warning signs. If you notice them, you may be the victim of brainwashing (or at least their attempt to do so).
1. They isolate you from your support system.
If someone tries to keep you away from friends, family, or anyone who offers you perspective, it’s a major red flag. Isolation makes it easier for them to control your thoughts and actions. The distance allows their voice to become the loudest one in your life, drowning out everyone else.
2. They constantly question your reality.
They’ll tell you that your memories, perceptions, or feelings are wrong, leaving you second-guessing yourself. It’s maybe the most common gaslighting technique that’s designed to make you doubt your own judgement. Over time, it can really knock your confidence and make you reliant on their version of events.
3. They push you to accept the way they see the world.
Brainwashers often present their beliefs or opinions as the only “right” way of thinking. They’ll criticise or dismiss any differing viewpoints, pressuring you to adopt theirs. The push can feel subtle at first but becomes more forceful as time goes on.
4. They reward obedience and punish independence.
When you go along with what they want, they shower you with praise or affection. But if you assert yourself or make independent choices, they withdraw, criticise, or get angry. It creates a cycle where you feel compelled to please them to avoid negative consequences.
5. They bombard you with repetitive messages.
Repetition is a key tactic in brainwashing, as hearing the same ideas over and over can start to feel like the truth. Whether it’s about their opinions or your supposed flaws, they’ll drill these messages into your head until they stick.
6. They make you feel guilty for disagreeing.
If expressing a different opinion leads to accusations of betrayal, selfishness, or ingratitude, they’re likely trying to manipulate your emotions. Guilt is a powerful tool for control, and they’ll use it to keep you in line.
7. They dominate every conversation.
They rarely let you get a word in and steer discussions toward their agenda. By controlling the flow of communication, they leave little room for you to express yourself or challenge their views. The imbalance creates a sense of dependence on their perspective.
8. They attack your self-esteem.
Criticising your abilities, appearance, or worth is a common tactic to weaken your confidence. The more insecure you feel, the easier it is for them to manipulate you. These attacks often masquerade as “helpful” advice but are meant to break you down.
9. They monitor your every move.
Whether it’s constantly checking your phone, questioning where you’ve been, or wanting to know who you’re talking to, their need for control is all-consuming. Their never-ending surveillance creates a sense of paranoia, making it harder to maintain your independence.
10. They use fear to manipulate you.
Creating fear—whether through threats, warnings, or “what if” scenarios—is a classic brainwashing tactic. They make you feel that the world is unsafe or that something terrible will happen if you don’t follow their lead. As a result, the fear keeps you compliant and less likely to question them.
11. They discredit outside influences.
To keep you under their control, they’ll dismiss advice or opinions from other people as untrustworthy. They might say your friends or family don’t have your best interests at heart. By planting doubt about other relationships, they solidify their position as the only person you can rely on.
12. They make promises they never keep.
They’ll promise things to win your trust or cooperation, but rarely follow through. Over time, these empty promises create a dynamic where you’re always waiting for them to deliver, but are constantly let down. Their unpredictability keeps you off balance.
13. They frame control as “helping you.”
Brainwashers often disguise their manipulative behaviour as concern or care. They’ll claim they’re guiding you for your own good, even when it’s clearly about maintaining control. This tactic can make their actions seem less harmful, even though the impact is significant.
14. You feel like you’re losing your sense of self.
Over time, their influence leaves you feeling disconnected from who you are. Your preferences, values, and opinions start to feel blurred or replaced by theirs. The loss of identity you feel is often the most telling sign that someone’s trying to manipulate you.
