Being generous and caring is often seen as a virtue, but as lovely as those qualities are, they can also be incredibly draining for the person who has them.
It’s nice to want to help people out, but constantly putting everyone else’s needs before your own can take a significant toll on your mental, emotional, and even physical health. That’s why it’s so important to recognise the signs of giving too much. If you notice them, it’s time to pull back if you don’t want to end up feeling used and depleted.
1. You struggle to say no to requests for help.
As a giver, you might find it really tough to turn down people when they ask for your assistance. Your constant willingness to help can lead to an overwhelming number of commitments. You may find yourself agreeing to tasks or favours even when you’re already stretched thin, simply because you can’t bear the thought of letting someone down, and this pattern can quickly lead to burnout and resentment.
2. Your own needs consistently take a back seat.
In your effort to be there for everyone else, you might frequently neglect your own needs and desires. This could mean postponing personal projects, skipping self-care routines, or even ignoring health concerns because you’re too busy helping other people. Over time, self-neglect can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion, leaving you feeling empty and unfulfilled.
3. You feel guilty when you take time for yourself.
When you do manage to carve out some time for your own interests or relaxation, you might be plagued by guilt. Thoughts of what you ‘should’ be doing for other people can overshadow your enjoyment of personal time. This constant feeling of guilt can make it hard to truly recharge, leaving you perpetually drained.
4. People expect you to always be available.
Your reputation as a reliable helper can lead people to assume you’re always on call. Friends, family, or colleagues might reach out at all hours, expecting immediate assistance or attention. This constant demand on your time and energy can leave you feeling like you have no personal space or boundaries, contributing to a sense of being used.
5. Your relationships feel one-sided.
You might notice that many of your relationships seem imbalanced. You’re always the one lending a hand, offering advice, or providing emotional support, but when you need help, the favour isn’t returned. This lack of reciprocity can lead to feelings of resentment and loneliness, even when surrounded by people you’ve helped.
6. You struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries.
As a giver, you might find it challenging to establish and enforce personal boundaries. You may worry about disappointing people or being seen as selfish. Not being able to set limits can lead to people taking advantage of your generosity, often without realising they’re doing so. The resulting invasion of your personal space and time can leave you feeling overwhelmed and disrespected.
7. Your empathy leads to emotional exhaustion.
Your strong sense of empathy, while a beautiful trait, can become a double-edged sword. Constantly absorbing and feeling other people’s emotions and problems can lead to emotional fatigue. You might find yourself carrying the weight of everyone else’s troubles, leaving little emotional energy for your own life and challenges.
8. You’re often left out of pocket.
Your giving nature might extend to financial matters, leading you to frequently cover costs for people or lend money without expectation of repayment. While generosity is admirable, constantly putting your hand in your pocket can strain your financial health. A drain in your money can add stress and resentment to your already taxed emotional state.
9. Your work-life balance suffers.
In professional settings, being a giver can mean taking on extra tasks, staying late to help colleagues, or bringing work home. While this might make you a valued team member, it can seriously impact your work-life balance. You might find yourself constantly working overtime or thinking about work issues during personal time, leading to burnout and a feeling that your job is consuming your life.
10. You feel responsible for other people’s happiness.
As a giver, you might take on the responsibility of ensuring everyone around you is happy and satisfied. So much self-imposed duty can be incredibly draining, as it’s impossible to control or be responsible for other people’s feelings. The pressure to keep everyone content can leave you feeling anxious and inadequate when you inevitably can’t meet this unrealistic goal.
11. Your self-worth becomes tied to your helpfulness.
Source: Unsplash Over time, you might start to base your self-esteem on how much you’re able to do for other people. This can create a dangerous cycle where you feel compelled to keep giving more and more to maintain your sense of worth. When you’re unable to help or choose not to, it can lead to feelings of worthlessness, further draining your emotional resources.
12. You attract people who take advantage.
Source: Unsplash Your giving nature might inadvertently attract individuals who are looking to benefit from your generosity without offering anything in return. These ‘takers’ can quickly deplete your energy and resources, leaving you feeling used and unappreciated. The frustration of dealing with such people can add to your emotional burden.
13. You struggle with impostor syndrome in your achievements.
Source: Unsplash When you do achieve success, you might find it hard to fully own your accomplishments. There’s a tendency to downplay your skills and attribute your success to luck or other people’s help. Impostor syndrome can prevent you from feeling genuine pride in your achievements, further contributing to feelings of inadequacy and emotional drain.
14. You experience physical symptoms of stress.
Source: Unsplash The constant giving and resulting emotional strain can manifest in physical symptoms. You might experience frequent headaches, digestive issues, or sleep problems. These physical manifestations of stress not only leave you feeling drained, but can also impact your overall health and well-being, creating a vicious cycle of physical and emotional exhaustion.
