No matter how “with it” you are, no one is immune to being taken advantage of.
Sometimes it’s unintentional and the person doing it doesn’t even realise their own behaviour. Other times, it’s targeted and purposeful. Either way, it’s damaging, and you don’t have to let it happen to you. If you want to avoid being used by people, here are some steps to take to protect yourself.
1. Stop explaining your “no.”
When you say no, resist the urge to provide a PowerPoint presentation explaining why. “No” is a complete sentence, not an opening argument. Users love to negotiate, debate, and wear down your reasons until you cave. The moment you start justifying, they start problem-solving your excuses away. Keep your no short, clear, and final.
2. Watch their reaction to your boundaries.
Pay attention to how they respond when you can’t help them. Do they get angry, guilt-trip you, or suddenly become cold? Quality people respect your limits without punishment. If someone’s friendship comes with conditions based on what you can do for them, that’s not friendship — it’s a transaction. Notice who sticks around after you stop being useful.
3. Track the reciprocity.
Start noticing if the give-and-take is more like give-and-give. Are you always the one offering rides, lending money, or providing emotional support? While friendships don’t need a perfect balance, they shouldn’t leave you constantly drained. Count how many times they’re conveniently busy when you need help, but expect you to drop everything for them.
4. Check their timing.
Notice when they reach out. Is it only when they need something? Do they disappear between favours, only to resurface with another request? Users have an uncanny ability to show up exactly when they want something and vanish when you might need them. Watch for patterns in their contact schedule.
5. Stop being available 24/7.
You don’t have to answer every text immediately or be on constant standby for their emergencies. Users love people who drop everything to help them. Start taking longer to respond, be busy sometimes, and have other plans. Your time and energy are valuable resources — budget them accordingly. Let their “urgent” needs wait occasionally.
6. Pay attention to their gratitude level.
Do they genuinely appreciate your help or just expect it? Users often treat your assistance as an obligation rather than a favour. They skip the thank yous, minimise your efforts, or immediately move on to their next request. Notice who acknowledges your help and who treats it as their due.
7. Test their interest in your life.
Try talking about your challenges or successes. Do they listen with interest or quickly redirect to their issues? Users often don’t have the bandwidth for your life because they’re too focused on what they can get from you. Their eyes glaze over when you speak, but light up when they need something.
8. Let them solve their own problems.
Next time they come with a crisis, resist jumping in with solutions. Users often create emergencies to trigger your helping instinct. Respond with, “What are you thinking of doing about that?” Watch how they react when you put the responsibility back on them. Notice who can handle their own issues and who’s helpless without you.
9. Keep score financially.
Start tracking those “small” loans that never get repaid. Users have a special talent for making you feel petty for mentioning money they owe. Write down every dollar lent and hold them accountable. Notice who regularly needs financial rescue and who manages their own money.
10. Monitor the drama levels.
Users often come with a side of constant crisis. Everything’s an emergency requiring your immediate attention. They create chaos that conveniently needs your help to resolve. Pay attention to who brings constant drama into your life and who handles their problems maturely.
11. Watch for guilt tactics.
Notice how they handle your unavailability. Do they remind you of favours they’ve done you in the past? Mention how other people would help them? Compare you to “better” friends? Users are masters of emotional manipulation. They’ll make you feel terrible for having perfectly normal boundaries.
12. Check their respect for your time.
Do they regularly show up late, cancel last minute, or extend their stay without asking? Users often treat your schedule as flexible, while theirs is set in stone. They assume you’ll wait around or adjust your plans to accommodate them. Notice who respects your time and who wastes it.
13. Observe their relationships.
Look at how they treat other people in their life. Do they have a trail of ex-friends they call “selfish”? Do they complain about people setting boundaries? Users often have a pattern of burning through relationships once they’ve exhausted their usefulness. Watch how they speak about people who’ve stopped helping them.
14. Trust your gut instinct.
Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with them. Are you energised or exhausted? Happy or drained? Users leave you feeling depleted, questioning yourself, and vaguely uncomfortable. Your gut knows when someone’s friendship comes with strings attached. Listen to that inner voice when it tells you something feels off.
