In-laws can be a blessing or a source of never-ending frustration, and when it’s the latter, it can cause a lot of tension.
Maybe they overstep boundaries, give unsolicited advice, or make family gatherings awkward. Whatever their offences, these little habits can slowly gnaw away at relationships. It’s tough because your in-laws probably mean well, but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating to deal with. If they do these things, it’s bound to cause drama in your relationship as well as the family as a whole.
1. Dropping by unannounced
Some in-laws seem to think that because they’re family, they don’t need an invitation. They just turn up at your house whenever they feel like it, expecting to be welcomed with open arms, even if you’re in the middle of something. It’s even worse when they get offended if you don’t have time to entertain them. While it might have been normal in their generation, most people these days appreciate a quick text or call before someone turns up at their door. Unannounced visits can make you feel like you have no personal space, leading to resentment over time.
2. Giving unwanted parenting advice
If you have kids, there’s a good chance your in-laws have plenty of opinions about how you should raise them. Whether it’s outdated discipline methods, feeding choices, or bedtime routines, they always seem to have something to say, even when no one asked. While experience can be valuable, constantly being told you’re doing it wrong is frustrating. Unsolicited advice can make parents feel criticised instead of supported, especially when it contradicts their own parenting decisions.
3. Comparing you to their other children’s partners
Some in-laws can’t help but make comparisons, whether it’s about cooking, careers, parenting styles, or even the way you decorate your home. If they have another son- or daughter-in-law who does something differently, you’re bound to hear about it. Even if they don’t mean harm, constantly being measured against someone else creates unnecessary competition. No one wants to feel like they’re being ranked within the family.
4. Making passive-aggressive comments
Instead of openly addressing an issue, some in-laws prefer to drop subtle, backhanded remarks. They might comment on how “interesting” your decorating style is, or how they “could never imagine” leaving the house without ironing their clothes. These little digs can be even more irritating than outright criticism because they’re designed to be just subtle enough to deny any bad intentions. Over time, they create an atmosphere of tension that makes family interactions exhausting.
5. Ignoring boundaries with your kids
Some in-laws struggle to accept that they’re the grandparents, not the parents. Whether it’s giving the kids too much sugar, ignoring screen-time limits, or bending the rules you’ve set, it can feel like they’re deliberately undermining your authority. While grandparents want to spoil their grandchildren, ignoring the parents’ wishes causes unnecessary conflict. It sends the message that your rules don’t matter, which can lead to bigger issues in the long run.
6. Acting like they know your partner better than you do
Some in-laws love to remind you that they’ve known your spouse longer than you have, as if that somehow makes them the ultimate authority on them. They might insist that “he’s always been like that” or “she’s never liked those things” whenever you mention something about your partner. While history matters, relationships evolve. Acting like they know your partner better than you do can make you feel like an outsider in your own marriage.
7. Bringing up your partner’s ex
Few things are as uncomfortable as an in-law casually mentioning your partner’s ex, especially if it’s done in a way that makes it clear they liked them. Comments like, “Oh, Sarah used to love baking too!” or “James was always so happy when he was with Claire” feel like unnecessary digs. Even if it’s not intentional, no one wants to be compared to their partner’s past relationships. It creates tension and makes it seem like the in-law isn’t fully accepting of the current relationship.
8. Expecting too much family time
Some in-laws expect weekly visits, constant phone calls, or for their child to prioritise them over everything else. If you don’t attend every family gathering or call as often as they’d like, they take it personally. While family time is important, a healthy relationship needs balance. Feeling pressured to constantly check in or spend every holiday with them can lead to frustration and resentment.
9. Criticising your home, cooking, or lifestyle choices
Whether it’s a comment about the way you arrange your furniture, the meals you prepare, or how much time you spend working, some in-laws love offering critiques. They might disguise it as “just an observation,” but it still stings. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and constantly feeling judged in your own home can make family visits feel more like inspections than quality time.
10. Assuming they have a say in major life decisions
From where you should live to when (or if) you should have kids, some in-laws believe their opinions should be taken as seriously as yours. They act like their input is a deciding factor in your big decisions, even when they’re not directly affected. While advice is one thing, overstepping into personal choices creates unnecessary conflict. A marriage is between two people, not an entire extended family.
11. Playing the victim when they don’t get their way
Some in-laws have a way of making everything about them. If plans don’t go their way, they sulk, guilt-trip, or act as if they’ve been personally wronged. Instead of having an open conversation, they make it clear they’re upset in a way that forces everyone to tiptoe around their feelings. Emotional manipulation like this can make even small decisions feel like a massive source of stress. It shifts the focus from what’s best for everyone to avoiding conflict with them.
12. Favouring one sibling over another
When in-laws clearly favour one of their children over the others, it creates unnecessary tension within the family. Whether it’s giving one sibling more attention, praise, or financial support, it can cause resentment and awkwardness at family gatherings. Feeling like your partner is constantly being compared to a “golden child” can be frustrating, especially when it’s done so openly.
13. Offering unwanted financial advice
Some in-laws think they have the right to weigh in on how you and your partner handle money, even if you never asked for their opinion. Whether it’s commenting on your spending habits, questioning your career choices, or suggesting how you should budget, it can feel intrusive. Finances are personal, and unless advice is genuinely requested, having in-laws critique your financial decisions can create unnecessary tension.
14. Expecting you to adopt their family traditions without question
While family traditions are important, some in-laws expect their way of doing things to become your way, without any compromise. Whether it’s how holidays are celebrated, family meals, or certain customs, they assume you’ll automatically fit into their way of life. A healthy family dynamic allows for blending traditions rather than forcing one set of customs onto a new generation.
15. Acting like they “own” their child
The worst behaviour of all is when an in-law refuses to accept that their child has a new primary family unit. If they still see their adult son or daughter as “theirs” first and their spouse second, it creates ongoing conflict. Healthy boundaries are essential in any marriage, and when in-laws struggle to deal with the fact that their child is now part of a partnership, tension is inevitable.
