We’ve all experienced that sinking feeling when our words seem to bounce off a brick wall and our concerned are dismissed. It’s a frustrating experience that can leave us feeling unheard, unseen, and undervalued. But what are the specific phrases that trigger this reaction? Here are some of the common dismissive phrases that make people feel like their thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
1. “You’re overreacting.”
This phrase invalidates the other person’s emotions and minimises their experience. It suggests that their feelings are disproportionate to the situation, making them feel foolish or irrational for expressing themselves. It’s a quick way to shut down a conversation and discourage further communication.
2. “It’s not a big deal.”
This phrase belittles the other person’s concerns and makes them feel like their problems are insignificant. It’s a dismissive way of saying, “Your feelings don’t matter,” and can leave them feeling hurt and unimportant. It’s important to remember that what may seem trivial to one person can be a major issue for another.
3. “You always…” or “You never…”
These sweeping generalisations are not only inaccurate but also incredibly hurtful. They paint the other person in a negative light and ignore the nuances of their behaviour. It’s a form of blame-shifting that avoids taking responsibility for one’s own actions and can lead to resentment and defensiveness.
4. “Calm down.”
Telling someone to calm down when they’re upset is like pouring petrol on a fire. It invalidates their emotions and suggests that they’re being unreasonable or hysterical. It’s a patronising phrase that can escalate the situation and make the other person feel even more frustrated and unheard.
5. “I’m too busy to talk about this right now.”
While everyone has busy moments, consistently brushing off the other person’s attempts to communicate sends a clear message that their needs are not a priority. It can make them feel unimportant and unloved, leading to resentment and a breakdown in communication.
6. “That’s just the way I am.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is often used as an excuse for bad behaviour and a refusal to take responsibility for one’s actions. It suggests that the other person should simply accept the hurtful behaviour and not expect any change. It’s a dismissive way of saying, “I don’t care about your feelings,” and can leave the other person feeling trapped and powerless.
7. “You’re too sensitive.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase blames the other person for their emotional response and dismisses their feelings as invalid. It implies that they’re being overly dramatic or unreasonable, and can make them feel ashamed for expressing themselves. It’s a way of shutting down the conversation and avoiding any real emotional connection.
8. “Why can’t you just be happy?”
Source: Unsplash This question minimises the other person’s feelings and suggests that they’re choosing to be unhappy. It ignores the complexity of human emotions and the fact that everyone experiences sadness, anger, or frustration from time to time. It’s an invalidating phrase that can make the other person feel guilty for not being constantly cheerful.
9. “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase denies the validity of the other person’s emotions and implies that they’re wrong for feeling the way they do. It’s a form of emotional invalidation that can leave them feeling confused, ashamed, and disconnected from their own feelings. It’s important to remember that emotions are not right or wrong, they simply are.
10. “It’s all in your head.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase dismisses the other person’s experiences as imaginary or delusional. It gaslights them into doubting their own perception of reality and can make them feel isolated and unheard. It’s a harmful phrase that can destroy trust and damage the relationship.
11. “I don’t have time for drama.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase trivialises the other person’s concerns and labels them as “drama.” It implies that their feelings are exaggerated or unimportant, and that they’re being manipulative or attention-seeking. It’s a dismissive way of shutting down the conversation and avoiding any emotional engagement.
12. “You’re being too negative.”
This phrase invalidates the other person’s perspective and discourages them from expressing any negative emotions. It suggests that they should always be positive and cheerful, even when faced with challenges or difficulties. It’s a form of toxic positivity that can make the other person feel silenced and unheard.
13. “You just need to get over it.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase minimises the other person’s pain and suggests that they’re dwelling on the past. It ignores the fact that healing takes time and that everyone processes emotions at their own pace. It’s a dismissive way of saying, “Your feelings are not important,” and can leave the other person feeling unsupported and alone.
14. “Don’t take it personally.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is often used to excuse hurtful behaviour and avoid taking responsibility for one’s actions. It suggests that the other person is being overly sensitive or misinterpreting the situation. It’s a dismissive way of saying, “I don’t care about how my words or actions affect you,” and can leave the other person feeling invalidated and unheard.
15. “Whatever.”
This single word can convey a multitude of dismissive messages, including indifference, annoyance, and contempt. It shuts down the conversation and communicates a lack of interest or concern for the other person’s thoughts and feelings. It’s a disrespectful and hurtful way to end a conversation and can leave the other person feeling dismissed and unimportant.
