We’re all our own harshest critics, but when your inner voice does nothing but berate you, you can’t just let it slide.
Negative self-talk can absolutely obliterate your self-esteem, making you feel incompetent, incapable, and worthless. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s how to flip the script and change your internal dialogue to something a bit more positive.
1. Stop treating your thoughts as facts.
Just because your brain tells you something doesn’t make it true. Those harsh thoughts—like “I’m useless” or “I’ll never succeed”—are mental noise, not reality. Write them down and challenge their logic. Often, you’ll see how exaggerated or unfair they are. By labelling them as just “thoughts,” you take away their power to define you.
2. Let go of mistakes you’ve made in the past.
We’ve all had cringe-worthy moments, but reliving them over and over won’t change the past. Acknowledge the memory, remind yourself it’s normal to mess up, and let it go. Focus instead on what you’ve learned or how far you’ve come since then. Your next move matters more than something from three years ago.
3. Change how you speak to and about yourself.
If you wouldn’t say it to a mate, why say it to yourself? Replace harsh internal dialogue with kinder, more supportive words. For example, swap “I’m such an idiot” for “I made a mistake, but I’ll do better next time.” Being kinder to yourself isn’t indulgent—it’s essential for building self-esteem.
4. Stop jumping to the worst-case scenario.
Source: Unsplash Negative self-talk often loves to paint doomsday pictures: “What if I fail?” or “Everyone’s going to judge me.” But most of the time, those fears never come true. Focus on the present and take things step by step. By challenging those anxious projections, you’ll see that reality is rarely as bad as your mind makes it out to be.
5. Acknowledge your wins, even if they’re small.
It’s easy to downplay your successes or brush them off as luck, but they’re proof of your growth and effort. Keep a journal of daily wins, no matter how small. Whether it’s ticking off a task or trying something new, these moments add up to real progress. Give yourself credit—you’ve earned it.
6. Stop comparing your struggles to other people’s highlights.
Social media makes it easy to feel like everyone else has it all figured out, but you’re only seeing their best bits. Remember, no one posts their struggles, doubts, or messy moments. Focus on your own journey and the quiet wins that can’t be captured in a photo.
7. Set realistic goals.
Source: Unsplash Perfectionism often fuels negative self-talk, setting you up to feel like a failure before you’ve even begun. Instead of aiming for “perfect,” break goals into smaller, manageable steps. Progress, no matter how small, is still progress—and it’s worth celebrating.
8. Look at how far you’ve come.
Your brain might love reminding you of what’s left to do, but don’t forget to reflect on the progress you’ve already made. Take a moment to think about challenges you’ve overcome or skills you’ve developed. It’s easy to miss the big picture when you’re focused on the small details.
9. Don’t let one bad moment define you.
A single mistake or bad day doesn’t erase all your successes. When negative self-talk tries to turn a setback into proof of your inadequacy, remind yourself that one moment doesn’t define you. Every day is a chance to start fresh and rewrite the story.
10. Accept praise instead of brushing it off.
If someone compliments you, resist the urge to downplay it or dismiss it outright. Take a second, breathe, and simply say, “Thank you.” The more you practise accepting positive feedback, the easier it gets to believe in your own strengths and achievements.
11. Don’t blow small problems out of proportion.
A minor setback, like running late or forgetting something, isn’t the end of the world—so don’t treat it like one. Take a deep breath, remind yourself it’s fixable, and move on. Often, these things feel smaller after you’ve had some time to reflect.
12. Focus on what’s going well.
It’s easy to fixate on what’s missing or what needs improvement, but take a moment to notice what’s working. Maybe you handled a tricky situation better than last time, or nailed something small that used to trip you up. Shifting your focus to the positives builds momentum and motivation.
13. Rewrite old stories.
Negative self-talk often clings to outdated narratives: “I’m not good at this,” or “I always mess up.” Challenge those stories by asking, “Is that still true?” Chances are, you’ve grown more than you realise. Give yourself permission to create new narratives based on who you are now, not who you were.
14. Practise self-compassion.
Being kind to yourself might feel strange at first, especially if you’re used to being critical. But self-compassion is a game-changer. Treat yourself with the same patience and understanding you’d offer a friend. You’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to move forward when you stop beating yourself up.
15. Look after your mental health.
When life gets busy, it’s tempting to push self-care aside—but neglecting your mental health only fuels negativity. Take time for regular breaks, sleep, and activities that recharge you. A well-rested mind is better equipped to challenge unhelpful patterns and stay grounded.
