Friendships are supposed to be fun, right? They should be a source of happiness, support, and maybe the occasional embarrassing story.
However, sometimes, what starts as a great connection can turn into something that leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or just plain miserable. It’s not always easy to spot when a friendship has taken a turn for the worse, but here are some warning signs that things are getting toxic.
1. You feel drained after spending time with them.
A good friend should lift your spirits, not leave you feeling like you’ve run an emotional marathon. If you always need a nap or a stiff drink after every interaction, it might be a sign that this friendship is taking more than it’s giving. It’s normal to have the occasional intense or draining conversation, but if it’s a constant state, something’s off.
2. They’re always the victim in their stories.
We all have bad days, but if your friend seems to be in a perpetual state of crisis with everyone else to blame, it’s a red flag. Constantly playing the victim can be a manipulative tactic to gain sympathy and avoid taking responsibility. If you always play the role of rescuer or therapist, it might be time to reassess the balance in your friendship.
3. They’re competitive about everything.
A bit of friendly competition can be fun, but if your friend turns everything into a contest, it can get old fast. Whether it’s who got the better job, who’s in better shape, or who had the worst day, constant one-upmanship is exhausting. A true friend should be happy for your successes, not try to outdo them.
4. They only contact you when they need something.
Does your phone only ring when they need a favour? If your friend seems to disappear when things are good but suddenly reappears when they need help moving house or a shoulder to cry on, it might be a sign of a one-sided friendship. While it’s great to be there for your friends in need, it should go both ways.
5. They make you feel bad about yourself.
Friends should build you up, not tear you down. If you often leave interactions feeling worse about yourself, it’s a major red flag. This could be through subtle put-downs, backhanded compliments, or outright criticism. A good friend should make you feel accepted and appreciated, not constantly judged.
6. They’re always cancelling plans at the last minute.
Life happens, and sometimes plans need to change. But if your friend is consistently flaking out on you at the eleventh hour, it shows a lack of respect for your time and feelings. It’s especially telling if they seem to keep plans with other people but not with you. You deserve friends who value your time as much as their own.
7. They gossip about you behind your back.
Trust is crucial in any friendship. If you find out that your friend has been sharing your secrets or talking negatively about you to other people, it’s a serious breach of trust. A true friend should have your back, not stab you in it. If you can’t trust them with your personal information, can you really call them a friend?
8. They’re jealous of your other friendships.
It’s natural to want to spend time with your close friends, but it becomes problematic when a friend gets possessive or jealous of your other relationships. If they make snide comments about your other friends or try to monopolise your time, it could be a sign of an unhealthy attachment. Healthy friendships allow space for other relationships to flourish.
9. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them.
Are you always carefully choosing your words or avoiding certain topics to prevent your friend from getting upset? If you’re constantly worried about setting them off, it’s a sign that the friendship lacks the openness and comfort it should have. You should feel free to be yourself around your friends, not like you’re navigating a minefield.
10. They pressure you to do things you’re not comfortable with.
A good friend respects your boundaries and values. If your friend is constantly pushing you to do things that make you uncomfortable, whether it’s drinking more than you want to or engaging in activities you’re not okay with, it’s a sign of disrespect. True friends encourage you to be your best self, not pressure you into things you’ll regret.
11. They’re never happy for your successes.
When something good happens in your life, your friends should be among the first to celebrate with you. If your friend seems indifferent or even resentful of your achievements, it’s a bad sign. Whether it’s a promotion at work or a personal milestone, a true friend should be genuinely happy for your success, not trying to downplay it or change the subject.
12. They’re always borrowing money, but never paying it back.
Financial issues can strain any relationship. If your friend is constantly asking for loans but conveniently forgets to pay you back, it’s not just about the money — it’s about respect. This behaviour shows they value what they can get from you more than they value your friendship. It’s okay to help friends in need, but it shouldn’t be a one-way street.
13. They make you feel guilty for spending time with other people.
Healthy friendships allow for independence. If your friend lays on the guilt trip every time you hang out with someone else or pursue your own interests, it’s a sign of possessiveness. You shouldn’t have to justify how you spend your time or who you spend it with. A good friend supports your growth and other relationships, not tries to limit them.
14. They’re constantly negative and bring you down.
While it’s normal to vent to friends sometimes, if every conversation turns into a complaint session, it can be draining. If your friend seems to find the cloud in every silver lining and leaves you feeling pessimistic about life, it might be time to reassess the friendship. Positivity and negativity are contagious — make sure you’re catching the right one.
15. You don’t trust them with important information.
Source: Unsplash Trust is the foundation of any good friendship. If you’re always hesitant to share important news or personal information with your friend, ask yourself why. Maybe they’ve betrayed your trust before, or perhaps you just don’t feel safe being vulnerable with them. Whatever the reason, if you can’t trust them, it’s a clear sign that the friendship isn’t as healthy as it should be.
