Despite knowing how ineffective it is, you’ve probably found yourself telling someone who was losing it to “calm down.”
Not only does this not work, but it often makes the person’s reaction even more extreme, and that’s not what anyone wants. The next time you’re trying to bring a situation back down to earth, avoid the “calm down” suggestion and try one of these sentences instead.
1. “It seems like you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now.”
This acknowledges their feelings without dismissing or belittling them. By simply validating their emotions, you’re creating a safe space for them to express themselves. It shows that you’re listening and that you care about what they’re going through. This can be incredibly comforting in the heat of the moment, as it reminds them that they’re not alone in their struggles.
2. “Take a deep breath. I’m here for you.”
Sometimes, all someone needs is a reminder to slow down and breathe. By offering a gentle suggestion and a reassuring presence, you’re helping them to regain a sense of control. It’s a simple gesture, but it can be incredibly powerful in de-escalating a tense situation. It also communicates that you’re there to support them, no matter what.
3. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Instead of offering unsolicited advice or solutions, ask how you can best support them. This empowers them to take the lead in their own emotional recovery and find solutions that work for them. It also shows that you’re not just a passive observer, but an active participant who’s willing to help in any way you can. This can be as simple as offering a listening ear or a comforting hug.
4. “It’s okay to feel this way. Everyone has bad days.”
Normalising their feelings can help them to feel less alone and ashamed. It reminds them that they’re not the only ones who experience difficult emotions, and that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. This can create a sense of connection and solidarity, which can be incredibly healing. It also encourages them to accept their emotions rather than fighting them, which can often be the first step towards feeling better.
5. “Let’s talk about it when you’re ready.”
Sometimes, people just need time and space to process their emotions. By offering to talk later, you’re giving them the freedom to choose when and how they want to express themselves. This respects their boundaries and shows that you’re patient and understanding. It also leaves the door open for communication when they’re ready to talk, which can lead to a deeper understanding and resolution of the issue.
6. “Would you like to take a walk with me?”
Physical activity can be a great way to release pent-up emotions and clear the mind. By suggesting a change of scenery and some exercise, you’re offering a healthy distraction and a chance to process their feelings in a different environment. Walking can also be a calming and meditative activity, which can help to reduce stress and anxiety. It’s a simple yet effective way to show support and offer a break from the intensity of the situation.
7. “I understand this is frustrating, but I believe in you.”
Acknowledging their frustration while also expressing confidence in their ability to cope can be a powerful combination. It validates their feelings while also offering encouragement and support. It reminds them that they’re capable of handling the situation, even if it feels overwhelming right now. This can be a much-needed boost to their self-esteem and a reminder that they have the strength to overcome their challenges.
8. “I’m here to listen without judgement.”
Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear and a safe space to vent. By offering to listen without judgement, you’re creating a non-threatening environment where they can freely express their emotions. This can be incredibly therapeutic and can help them to gain a new perspective on the situation. It also shows that you’re accepting of them, no matter what they’re going through, which can be a huge relief in times of emotional turmoil.
9. “Remember that you are not alone in this.”
Reminding someone that they have a support system can be incredibly comforting in times of distress. It lets them know that they have people who care about them and are willing to help them through difficult times. This can be a much-needed reminder when they’re feeling isolated and overwhelmed. It can also encourage them to reach out to their friends and family for support, which can be a crucial step in their healing process.
10. “What do you need right now to feel better?”
This question puts the focus on their needs and empowers them to take charge of their own emotional well-being. It encourages them to think about what might help them feel calmer and more grounded. It could be anything from a cup of tea to a change of scenery to simply talking it out. By asking this question, you’re giving them the space to identify their own needs and take steps to meet them.
11. “Let’s take a break and do something you enjoy.”
Sometimes, a simple change of pace can do wonders for shifting a negative mood. Suggesting a fun activity can help to distract them from their worries and bring some joy back into their day. This could be anything from watching a funny movie to listening to upbeat music to playing a game. It’s a way of reminding them that life is not all doom and gloom, and that there are still things to enjoy and appreciate, even when things are tough.
12. “Remember all the times you’ve overcome challenges in the past.”
Reminding someone of their past successes can be a powerful way to boost their confidence and resilience. It helps them to see that they’ve faced difficult situations before and emerged stronger on the other side. This can be a much-needed reminder when they’re feeling overwhelmed and defeated. It encourages them to tap into their inner strength and believe in their ability to overcome the current challenge.
13. “This feeling is temporary. It will pass.”
Reminding someone that their emotions are not permanent can be a source of hope and comfort. It acknowledges the intensity of their feelings while also offering reassurance that things will get better. This can be especially helpful for people who are prone to anxiety or depression, as it reminds them that their negative emotions are not a permanent state of being. It encourages them to focus on the present moment and trust that things will eventually improve.
14. “Let’s brainstorm some solutions together.”
Instead of offering unsolicited advice, involve them in the problem-solving process. This can help them to feel more empowered and in control of the situation. It also encourages them to think creatively and come up with solutions that might not have occurred to them otherwise. By working together, you can create a sense of teamwork and collaboration, which can be incredibly motivating and inspiring.
15. “You’re stronger than you think you are.”
Sometimes, a simple expression of belief in someone’s strength can be all they need to hear. It reminds them of their inner resilience and their ability to overcome challenges. This can be a much-needed boost to their self-esteem and a reminder that they have the power to turn things around. It’s a way of saying, “I see your strength, even if you don’t see it yourself,” and this can be incredibly empowering for someone who’s feeling overwhelmed and defeated.
