Narcissists have a plethora of manipulative tools up their sleeves, but future-faking seems to be one of their favourites.
This is when they paint a rosy picture of the life you’ll have together, full of love and adventure and everything you’ve ever dreamed of — and the worst part is, even though it sounds too good to be true, you find yourself starting to believe it. Sadly, they don’t mean a single word of it, but here’s why they pretend like they do anyway.
1. They want to hook you in.
Source: Unsplash By painting a beautiful picture of the future, they’re trying to get you invested in the relationship. It’s like dangling a carrot on a stick — they keep you chasing that perfect future they’re promising. The more you buy into their vision, the harder it is for you to walk away.
2. They crave instant gratification.
Narcissists often live in the moment, saying whatever will get them what they want right now. They’ll promise you the moon if it means getting your attention and admiration in the present. They’re not thinking about the long-term consequences of their promises.
3. They’re avoiding commitment.
Source: Unsplash Ironically, all those future promises can be a way of avoiding real commitment. By always talking about “someday,” they don’t have to deal with the present. It’s easier to promise a grand future than to put in the work for a solid relationship now.
4. They want to maintain control.
Source: Unsplash Future-faking is a form of manipulation. By controlling your vision of the future, they’re controlling you in the present. They keep you on your toes, always working towards that promised future that never quite arrives.
5. They’re filling a void.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, narcissists use these grand future plans to fill an emptiness in their own lives. By constantly talking about exciting future possibilities, they’re trying to make their current life feel less mundane or disappointing.
6. They’re boosting their own ego.
Source: Unsplash Talking about all the amazing things they’re going to do makes them feel important and powerful. It’s like they’re the star of their own movie, and these grand plans are part of their character’s backstory. The more impressive the promises, the better they feel about themselves.
7. They’re avoiding responsibility.
Source: Unsplash By always focusing on the future, they don’t have to deal with their current responsibilities or shortcomings. It’s easier to talk about the great job they’re going to get than to explain why they’re unemployed now. The future becomes an escape from their present reality.
8. They’re mirroring your desires.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are often good at figuring out what you want and reflecting it back to you. They’ll promise the future they think you want to hear about, even if it’s not what they actually want. It’s a way of making you feel understood and connected to them.
9. They believe their own hype.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, narcissists genuinely believe they can deliver on their grand promises. They often have an inflated sense of their own abilities and potential. In the moment, they might truly think they can give you everything they’re promising.
10. They’re creating a fantasy world.
Future-faking allows them to live in a fantasy where everything is perfect. In this imaginary future, they’re the ideal partner, successful and adored. It’s more comfortable for them to live in this fantasy than to face the realities and challenges of the present.
11. They’re avoiding conflict.
By always redirecting to the future, they can sidestep current issues in the relationship. Instead of dealing with today’s problems, they’ll talk about how great things will be next year. It’s a way of avoiding difficult conversations or admitting to faults.
12. They’re looking for validation.
When you get excited about their future plans, it validates their sense of importance. Your enthusiasm fuels their ego and makes them feel special. They might keep making bigger and grander promises just to keep getting that positive reaction from you.
13. They’re creating dependency.
By making you believe that an amazing future is just around the corner, they’re trying to make you dependent on them for that future. The more you invest in their promises, the harder it becomes for you to leave, even when those promises don’t materialise.
14. They’re avoiding their own insecurities.
All that talk about a perfect future can be a way of covering up their own fears and insecurities. Instead of facing their doubts about themselves, they create this idealised future where all their problems are solved. It’s easier than dealing with their current shortcomings.
15. They’re rewriting their past.
Sometimes, future-faking is a way for narcissists to reimagine their own history. By constantly talking about a bright future, they’re trying to overshadow any past failures or disappointments. It’s like they’re trying to convince both you and themselves that their past doesn’t matter because the future is going to be so great.
