In addition to controlling and manipulating their victims, narcissists love belittling people.
They have massive egos and tend to think they’re better than everyone else, but they can only maintain that facade by continuing to put other people down. Here’s why a narcissist won’t stop until they’ve destroyed your confidence and made you feel terrible about yourself. (Don’t listen to them — it’s all lies!)
1. They need to feel superior.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists feed on feeling like they’re better than everyone else. Making you feel small is their way of creating a stark contrast that lifts them up. When they constantly belittle you, they get a temporary ego boost. The more they knock you down, the higher they feel they’re climbing, even though it’s all an illusion. They rely on this dynamic to maintain their inflated sense of self-worth, but the reality is, it’s just masking their own deep insecurities.
2. They lack empathy.
One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is their inability to understand or care about how other people feel. When they put you down, they don’t experience guilt or remorse because your feelings simply don’t register with them. For them, it’s all about their own needs and satisfaction. It’s not just emotional ignorance, it’s a complete disconnect from your pain, which is why they can so easily repeat hurtful behaviours without blinking an eye.
3. They project their insecurities.
Despite seeming overly confident, narcissists often harbour deep insecurities. When they criticise or belittle you, it’s really their own shortcomings they’re highlighting. Their projection is their way of deflecting attention from their own flaws. By focusing on what they perceive as your weaknesses, they can avoid dealing with their own inadequacies. Essentially, it’s a defence mechanism to keep the spotlight off their vulnerabilities.
4. They crave control.
Narcissists thrive on control, and making you feel small gives them a sense of power. When you’re doubting yourself, you’re more pliable and easier to manipulate. The more insecure you feel, the more you rely on them, giving them exactly what they want—complete dominance in the relationship. It’s their way of maintaining the upper hand, and once they have that control, they rarely let go.
5. They’re afraid of being left alone.
Beneath all the bravado, narcissists are terrified of being abandoned. If they can convince you that you’re not worthy of anyone else’s love or attention, they believe you won’t leave them. They manipulate your self-worth to keep you close, all because they can’t face the idea of being alone. It’s a twisted form of control that feeds their insecurities and keeps you in their orbit.
6. They love attention.
Narcissists crave the spotlight, and making you feel inferior ensures that you’re constantly looking to them for validation. They want to be the centre of your world, and belittling you is a way to ensure you’re always focused on them. Whether it’s seeking praise or just feeling superior, they need that steady stream of attention to feel validated. If you’re constantly looking for their approval, it keeps them exactly where they want to be—at the centre of your universe.
7. They can’t handle criticism.
Narcissists have incredibly fragile egos. They’ll do anything to avoid criticism, and by keeping you small and insecure, they reduce the chance that you’ll ever criticise them. It’s easier for them to belittle you than to face their own flaws. They create a dynamic where you’re too busy defending yourself to ever call them out on their behaviour.
8. They see relationships as competitions.
Narcissists don’t view relationships as partnerships; they see them as power struggles. By making you feel small, they feel like they’re “winning” this unspoken battle. They can’t understand the concept of mutual respect and support, so they constantly undermine you to stay on top. For them, relationships aren’t about love or companionship—they’re about dominance.
9. They lack self-awareness.
Many narcissists are so wrapped up in themselves that they don’t even realise how their actions affect other people. They’re so focused on maintaining their inflated sense of self that they’re blind to the damage they’re causing. This lack of self-awareness makes it easy for them to continue their toxic behaviour, completely oblivious to the hurt they inflict.
10. They’re afraid of vulnerability.
Emotional closeness terrifies narcissists. By keeping you feeling small and insignificant, they create a buffer that protects them from having to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a sign of weakness in their eyes, so they avoid it at all costs. Making you feel inferior allows them to keep their emotional walls up, ensuring they never have to expose their true selves.
11. They need constant validation.
Narcissists thrive on external validation. Making you feel small is one way they ensure a steady stream of it. If you’re constantly trying to earn their approval, it reinforces their sense of superiority. Your insecurity becomes their fuel, giving them the validation they desperately crave. Without this constant boost, their fragile egos would crumble.
12. They’re threatened by your success.
Narcissists can’t handle the idea of anyone, especially you, outshining them. When you succeed, it feels like a personal threat to their superiority. By making you feel small, they neutralise that threat and restore their sense of dominance. It’s not just about jealousy—it’s about maintaining control over the narrative, where they are always on top.
13. Their confidence is fragile.
Source: Unsplash Despite all their bravado, narcissists are incredibly fragile underneath. Their entire sense of self is built on shaky foundations, and making you feel small helps them prop up their ego. They need to keep you down in order to keep themselves feeling secure, even though their confidence is as flimsy as a house of cards. The minute you start standing tall, their sense of control starts to falter.
14. They fear losing their status.
Narcissists are obsessed with maintaining their status. They’ll keep you feeling small to ensure you never outshine them or challenge their place in the hierarchy. Whether it’s in a relationship, at work, or socially, they need to feel like they’re the top dog. Making you feel small is their way of safeguarding their perceived position.
15. They don’t know how to cope.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have a limited range of coping mechanisms, and unfortunately, making other people feel small is one of their go-to strategies. Instead of dealing with their own insecurities or stress in a healthy way, they lash out. It’s a destructive pattern that keeps them from ever truly addressing their issues, all while causing damage to those around them.
