Being comfortable and even content on your own isn’t something that comes naturally to a lot of people.
Maybe you find yourself scrolling endlessly through your phone, even though you’re not really enjoying it, or you constantly have the TV on, just to fill the silence. A lot of people struggle with the concept of being alone with their thoughts, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, but it might be worth exploring why this feeling arises. Here’s what could be going on — once you know that, it might become easier to make a change.
1. You’re afraid of facing your inner critic.
When you’re alone, there’s no one else to distract you from your own thoughts. And sometimes, those thoughts can be pretty harsh. Your inner critic might start picking apart your flaws, rehashing past mistakes, or filling your head with self-doubt. It’s no wonder you’d rather avoid that kind of negativity altogether.
2. You haven’t cultivated a fulfilling inner life.
If you haven’t explored your passions, interests, or hobbies, alone time can feel boring and pointless. When there’s nothing to engage your mind, it’s easy to feel restless and dissatisfied. But it’s never too late to start cultivating your inner life, whether it’s through reading, learning a new skill, or simply exploring your own thoughts and feelings.
3. You equate solitude with loneliness.
Solitude and loneliness are not the same thing. Solitude is the state of being alone, while loneliness is the feeling of being isolated or disconnected from everyone. You can be alone without feeling lonely, and vice versa. But if you haven’t learned to enjoy your own company, solitude can quickly turn into a feeling of isolation.
4. You’re used to constantly being stimulated.
We’re constantly bombarded with information and stimuli these days. Our phones, computers, and TVs are always on, and it’s easy to get addicted to that constant buzz of activity. When that stimulation is removed, you might feel bored or restless. But learning to be still and quiet can be incredibly rewarding.
5. You have unresolved emotional pain or trauma.
Sometimes, the fear of being alone is rooted in deeper emotional issues. If you’ve experienced trauma, loss, or neglect, being alone might trigger painful memories or feelings that you’d rather avoid. But facing these emotions head-on is essential for healing and growth. Working with a therapist or counsellor on this can be a valuable step in this process.
6. You struggle with self-reflection and introspection.
Looking inward can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re not used to it. Reflecting on your thoughts, feelings, and actions can be challenging, but it’s also essential for personal growth. If you’re avoiding self-reflection, it might be because you’re afraid of what you might discover about yourself.
7. You have difficulty sitting with uncomfortable emotions.
Source: Unsplash Nobody likes feeling sad, anxious, or angry. But these emotions are a natural part of the human experience. When you’re alone, it’s easy to try to escape these uncomfortable feelings by distracting yourself with activities or substances. But learning to sit with your emotions and process them in a healthy way is a really important skill for mental health.
8. You feel like you need to be productive all the time.
We live in a culture that values productivity above all else. If you feel like you need to be constantly busy and achieving, downtime can feel like a waste of time. But rest and relaxation are essential for your physical and mental health. Learn to embrace downtime and give yourself permission to simply be.
9. You lack a sense of self-worth or self-love.
If you don’t feel good about yourself, spending time alone can be a painful reminder of your perceived shortcomings. It’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of negative self-talk and comparison. But learning to love and accept yourself, flaws and all, is essential for finding joy in your own company.
10. You fear missing out (FOMO).
Source: Unsplash Social media has amplified the fear of missing out. When you see everyone else’s highlight reel online, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out on all the fun if you’re not constantly surrounded by people. But remember, social media often presents a distorted view of reality. You’re not missing out on anything by choosing to spend some time alone.
11. You haven’t established healthy boundaries.
Source: Unsplash If you’re a people-pleaser or have difficulty saying no, you might find yourself constantly surrounded by people, even when you need some alone time. It’s important to learn to set healthy boundaries and pay attention to your own needs. It’s okay to say no to social invitations or commitments if you need some time to recharge.
12. You have a negative association with solitude from childhood.
Source: Unsplash Our childhood experiences can shape our relationship with solitude. If you were punished with isolation as a child or if you felt neglected or abandoned when left alone, you might have developed a negative association with solitude. It’s important to recognise and challenge these negative associations so you can create a new, positive relationship with being alone.
13. You haven’t explored your creativity or imagination.
Source: Unsplash Alone time can be a fertile ground for creativity and imagination. It’s a chance to let your mind wander, daydream, and come up with new ideas. If you haven’t tapped into your creative potential, solitude might feel like a void. But if you embrace it, it can be a source of inspiration and joy.
14. You haven’t developed coping mechanisms for boredom.
Source: Unsplash Boredom is a natural human emotion, but it’s one that many of us try to avoid at all costs. If you haven’t developed healthy coping mechanisms for boredom, it can feel like a prison sentence. But boredom can also be a catalyst for creativity and self-discovery. Learn to embrace it and see what emerges.
15. You haven’t learned to be your own best friend.
Ultimately, learning to enjoy your own company is about developing a deep and loving relationship with yourself. It’s about being your own best friend, someone you can always count on for support, encouragement, and entertainment. It takes time and effort, but it’s a journey worth taking. When you learn to love and appreciate yourself, solitude becomes a welcome retreat, not a dreaded isolation.
