Respect is at the heart of every healthy relationship, and once it starts to go, you can’t ignore the cracks that form for very long.
Disrespect in a marriage isn’t always blatant, either; it often shows up subtly, in little patterns of behaviour that leave one partner feeling, well, pretty terrible. Understanding the signs and the reason these things are happening can help address the problem before it causes lasting damage. If you notice these red flags, don’t just ignore them — confront them, or you’ll regret it.
1. They interrupt you constantly.
If your spouse keeps cutting you off during conversations, it can feel like they don’t care about what you’re saying. It might come from impatience or the habit of always putting their voice first. Let them know how this affects you — it might help them be more aware and actually listen next time.
2. They dismiss your feelings.
When you hear things like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not that big of a deal,” it can be so invalidating. It’s like your feelings don’t matter at all. This can happen if they’re emotionally unaware or just don’t want to deal with the deeper issues. Calmly explain how this makes you feel, and they might start to understand how important it is to validate your emotions.
3. They mock or belittle you in front of other people.
Making fun of you or belittling you in front of other people might be framed as a joke or “a bit of banter,” but it’s actually a sign of disrespect. It could be their way of deflecting insecurity, but it’s not okay. If this happens, set boundaries about what kind of behaviour is off-limits, especially in social situations. If they keep on with it, you may want to reconsider staying together.
4. They ignore your boundaries.
Whether it’s personal space, emotional limits, or your time, if they keep ignoring your boundaries, that’s a huge red flag. It could be because they’re controlling or just don’t realise how important your boundaries are, but whatever the explanation, it’s not okay. Having a direct conversation about what you need and expect can go a long way in reinforcing respect.
5. They rarely apologise.
If your spouse never says they’re sorry (at least no genuinely) or takes responsibility when they mess up, it can feel like they don’t care. Maybe they’re like that because they have a fear of vulnerability or need to be “right” all the time, but that’s their problem to work through. Pointing out how important apologies are for building trust and respect can help them see the value in taking accountability.
6. They don’t seem to care about your achievements.
When your successes are met with indifference or sarcastic remarks, it sends the message that your growth doesn’t matter to them. It might be down to jealousy or insecurity on their part, but it still stings. Let them know how it feels when your accomplishments go unnoticed — it might encourage them to be more supportive.
7. They make major decisions without consulting you.
Making big decisions, like those about finances, family, or future plans, without talking to you first is a huge issue. It makes you feel excluded and undervalued, and it’s just plain rude and inconsiderate. Discuss how important it is for you both to make these decisions together, as partners, so you can feel more involved and respected.
8. They compare you to other people, and not in a flattering way.
Being compared to someone else can really mess with your self-esteem, no matter who it is they’re measuring you against. It’s a habit that usually comes from dissatisfaction or unrealistic expectations they haven’t communicated, but that doesn’t make it right. Tell them how these comparisons hurt your relationship, and explain that you’re not in competition with anyone else.
9. They criticise you all the time over the littlest things.
We all need feedback from time to time, but constant criticism about how you look, act, or do things can wear you down, especially when it’s pretty non-stop. It’s clear they have their own insecurities or the need to control things, but tearing you down on a daily basis is never acceptable. Let them know how it feels to be constantly criticised and that you’d prefer more positive, constructive feedback.
10. They brush off the ways you contribute at home or work.
If they act like the effort you put into chores or your job doesn’t matter, it can make you feel unappreciated and taken for granted. This might happen because they’ve become complacent, or they don’t fully recognise your efforts. Regularly reminding each other about the importance of appreciation can help change the dynamic.
11. They put their needs before yours every time.
If what they want always seems to come first, you start to wonder if they ever consider your feelings at all. It could be a sign of selfishness or just unintentional oversight, but they need to get their act together because there are two people in the relationship. Pointing out how important compromise and balance are in a partnership can help bring the focus back to mutual consideration.
12. They make jokes at your expense.
Humour can be a great way to bond, but when it turns into hurtful jokes at your expense, it’s a problem. They might get into this habit because they lack awareness about how their words affect you, but they should be mature enough to know better. Setting boundaries on what’s funny and what’s off-limits can help avoid these kinds of hurtful moments.
13. They don’t listen when you’re talking.
If they’re constantly on their phone, giving half-hearted responses, or just zoning out when you talk, it can feel like you don’t matter. Maybe they don’t value the conversation, or maybe they’re just easily distracted — who can say? Either way, it doesn’t feel nice. Telling them how it makes you feel when you’re not being heard can encourage them to be more present in your talks.
14. They avoid addressing problems.
When problems come up, and they just brush them off or refuse to talk about them, it’s easy to assume that your concerns don’t matter, and they’re not all that invested in the long-term health of your relationship. It might come from an aversion to conflict or not knowing how to handle emotional conversations, but it’s time for them to buck up. Encouraging open and honest communication is key to making your relationship feel safe and respected.
15. They don’t appreciate all the effort you put in.
If all the hard work you put into the relationship or daily life goes unnoticed, it’s only a matter of time before you start to feel like you’re being taken for granted. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or emotional support, everyone needs to feel appreciated. Openly talking about the need for recognition and gratitude can help make sure your efforts are valued.
