Some people always manage to find something to complain about, no matter how well things are going.
When everyone’s feeling happy, inspired, hopeful, and excited, they always find a way to bring the tone down. Negative people are the worst, and the way they go on is incredibly irritating. Here’s how to recognise these Debbie Downers (or… Donald Downers?) in the wild, and how to deal with them without losing your mind.
1. They’ve always got a complaint ready.
For these people, the glass isn’t just half empty — it’s probably cracked too. When dealing with them, try not to feed into their complaints. Instead, quickly steer the conversation to more positive topics. You don’t have to be dragged down by them, and you shouldn’t let yourself be.
2. They’re the kings and queens of the pity party.
Everything’s always happening to them, never because of them. If they’ve got a permanent “woe is me” attitude, they’re probably pretty negative. Don’t get sucked into their pity party — it’s a bash that never ends well. Try encouraging them to focus on solutions rather than wallowing in problems. Be the voice of “Okay, but what can we do about it?” in their sea of “Why me?”
3. They’re quick to shoot down ideas.
Suggest something fun, and they’ll list 50 reasons why it won’t work (even if there are 1,000 reasons why it will). When dealing with them, try the “yes, and” approach. Acknowledge their concern, then build on your idea. In other words, use their negative energy to flip the conversation in a positive direction.
4. They’re always predicting doom and gloom.
If they’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, they’re probably pretty negative. In fact, they make Eeyore look like an optimist. When they start prophesying disaster, gently challenge their assumptions. Ask them, “What’s the best that could happen?” It might just short-circuit their catastrophizing.
5. They’ve got a gossip problem.
Negative people often love a good gossip session. If they’re always talking about everyone behind their backs, it’s a red flag. When they start dishing the dirt, try changing the subject or pointing out something positive about the person they’re criticising. Be the one to say, “Oh, but remember when they did that nice thing?” It’s like being a character witness in the court of gossip.
6. They struggle to accept compliments.
Give them a compliment, and they’ll find a way to deflect or deny it. It’s like their brain is allergic to positive feedback. When dealing with this, be persistent (but not pushy) with your praise. Help them practise accepting compliments — it’s a skill, after all. The more time passes, the better their self-esteem should get.
7. They’re always comparing themselves to other people.
And not in a good way. They’re constantly measuring themselves against anyone and everyone else and coming up short. When you notice this, try to redirect their focus to their own progress and achievements. Remind them that the only person they need to compete with is themselves. It’s like being a referee in the game of life — calling foul on unfair comparisons.
8. They’ve got a bad case of the “yeah, buts”.
Every silver lining has a cloud for these people. “Yeah, I got a promotion, but now I’ll have more work.” When you hear those “yeah, buts”, challenge them (but do it nicely). Encourage them to sit with the positive for a moment before jumping to the negative. This might take a while, but hopefully, they’ll catch on in the end.
9. They’re resistant to change.
Suggest a new way of doing things and watch them dig their heels in. Change is the enemy for negative people. When dealing with this, try to involve them in the change process. Ask for their input, address their concerns. Make them feel like part of the solution, not just a victim of change.
10. They’ve got a victim mentality.
Everything’s always happening to them, and it’s never their fault. The world’s out to get them, apparently. When faced with this attitude, try to gently encourage them to take responsibility where they can. Help them see where they have control in situations. Once they get some agency over their own lives, they might start feeling more positively.
11. They’re energy vampires.
After spending time with them, you feel drained — they’ve sucked all the positivity out of the room. When dealing with energy vampires, set clear boundaries. Limit your time with them if needed. It’s okay to protect your own mental health. In fact, you have to!
12. They’re always playing the blame game.
Again, nothing’s ever their fault — it’s always someone or something else to blame. When you notice this, try to point out areas where they might have some responsibility. Encourage them to focus on what they can control. Don’t play into their blame game.
13. They’ve got a memory like an elephant — for bad things.
They can recall every slight, every failure, every embarrassment in vivid detail, but ask them about good memories? Crickets. When dealing with this, try to balance their negative memories with positive ones. Remind them of good times they might have conveniently “forgotten”.
14. They’re masters of the backhanded compliment.
“Oh, you’ve lost weight! You almost look good now.” If their compliments always come with a sting in the tail, you’ve got a negative person on your hands. When you hear these, call them out gently. “Was that meant to be a compliment? Because it didn’t feel like one.” They need to understand how their words affect people.
15. They’ve always got an excuse.
There’s always a reason why they can’t do something, why things won’t work out. When faced with their litany of excuses, try encouraging them to problem-solve. “Okay, so that’s a challenge. How could we work around it?” Be the voice of possibility in their world of impossibility. And if they still keep on, excuse yourself from the conversation.
