Relationships are like fine wine — the good ones get better with age.
But sometimes, we find ourselves in a relationship that feels more like grape juice — sweet, perhaps, but lacking depth and complexity. If you’re wondering whether your relationship is still in its toddler years, here are some signs to watch out for.
1. Every little disagreement turns into a major drama.
Source: Unsplash Remember when you were a kid and a simple disagreement over who got to choose the TV show turned into a screaming match? Immature relationships can feel similar. Small issues escalate quickly, fuelled by overreactions, exaggerated emotions, and a lack of communication skills. If you find yourselves constantly bickering over trivial matters, it could be a sign that your relationship hasn’t quite grown up yet.
2. You play games instead of communicating openly and honestly.
Instead of directly expressing your needs and concerns, you resort to passive-aggressive tactics, like giving the silent treatment, dropping hints, or playing hard to get. You might even try to make your partner jealous or insecure as a way of getting their attention. These games might seem exciting at first, but they ultimately destroy trust
3. You’re overly dependent on each other.
In a healthy relationship, both partners have their own lives, interests, and friendships. But in an immature relationship, you might feel like you can’t function without each other. You spend all your time together, neglect your own hobbies, and rely on your partner for all your emotional needs. This kind of codependence can be suffocating and can prevent both of you from growing as individuals.
4. You prioritise passion over intimacy.
In the early stages of a relationship, the sparks fly and the passion is intense. But as time goes on, true intimacy develops through deeper emotional connection, trust, and vulnerability. In an immature relationship, you might prioritise the thrill of the chase and the excitement of the moment over building a lasting, meaningful bond.
5. You’re constantly seeking external validation.
Instead of feeling secure in your partner’s love and affection, you constantly seek reassurance and validation. You might fish for compliments, compare yourselves to other couples, or get upset if your partner doesn’t shower you with attention. This neediness can stem from underlying insecurities and a lack of self-worth.
6. You struggle to resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, but mature couples know how to navigate them constructively. They listen to each other’s perspectives, communicate their needs clearly, and work together to find solutions. In an immature relationship, conflicts might escalate into shouting matches, personal attacks, or long periods of silent treatment. You might even resort to breaking up and getting back together repeatedly.
7. You have unrealistic expectations of your partner.
You might expect your partner to be perfect, always available, and always on the same page as you. You might get upset if they don’t meet your every need or fulfil your every fantasy. These unrealistic expectations can put a strain on the relationship and lead to disappointment and resentment.
8. You’re afraid of commitment and intimacy.
You might sabotage the relationship by pulling away, flirting with other people, or picking fights. You might fear that getting too close will lead to heartbreak or that you’ll lose your independence. This fear of intimacy can prevent the relationship from deepening and maturing.
9. You keep score and hold grudges.
Instead of focusing on the present and moving forward, you dwell on past hurts and keep a mental tally of who’s wronged whom. You might bring up old arguments or use them as ammunition in new ones. This creates a toxic cycle of resentment and prevents you from truly resolving conflicts and growing together.
10. You’re more interested in the idea of a relationship than the reality.
You might be caught up in the romantic ideal of a relationship, the fairytale ending, or the social status that comes with being part of a couple. But you’re not truly invested in the day-to-day work of building a lasting partnership. You might put the appearance of a happy relationship over the actual substance.
11. You avoid difficult conversations and conflicts.
Instead of addressing issues head-on, you sweep them under the rug or pretend they don’t exist. You might fear that bringing up sensitive topics will lead to a fight or even a breakup. But avoiding conflict only allows resentment to fester and prevents the relationship from growing and evolving.
12. You rely on social media for validation and attention.
Instead of focusing on deepening your connection with your partner, you seek validation from other people through social media. You might post excessive couple photos, brag about your relationship, or fish for compliments. This can create a false sense of security and can distract you from the real work of building a healthy relationship.
13. You lack a sense of individual identity outside of the relationship.
You might define yourself solely by your relationship status or by who your partner is. You lose sight of your own interests, passions, and goals. This lack of individual identity can make you clingy, insecure, and overly dependent on your partner for validation and happiness.
14. You compare your relationship to other people’s or to idealised versions.
You might constantly compare your relationship to those of your friends, celebrities, or even fictional characters. You might focus on what you think is missing or lacking in your own relationship, instead of appreciating what you have. This comparison game can lead to dissatisfaction and unrealistic expectations.
15. You’re not willing to put in the work to make the relationship thrive.
Relationships require effort, compromise, and a willingness to grow together. If you’re not willing to put in the work, the relationship will inevitably stagnate. This might mean going to couples therapy, learning new communication skills, or simply making more time for each other. A mature relationship requires both partners to be actively invested in its growth and well-being.
