Some people love to present themselves as totally chill, the type who “goes with the flow” and “doesn’t sweat the small stuff.”
Of course, sometimes, their actions tell a very different story. Whether it’s subtle control issues, passive-aggressive behaviour, or hidden anxieties, not everyone who claims to be easygoing actually is. If you’ve ever had a friend, partner, or colleague who insists they’re relaxed but somehow makes everything stressful, here are some signs they might not be as laid-back as they want you to believe.
1. They say they don’t care, but their actions say otherwise.
They’ll shrug off a decision with a casual “I don’t mind” or “whatever works,” but the moment someone else makes the choice, they suddenly have strong opinions. It might come in the form of subtle facial expressions, deep sighs, or a hesitant “Oh… okay.”
If they truly didn’t care, they wouldn’t get annoyed or subtly try to steer things back in their direction. Their reluctance to express a preference upfront doesn’t make them easygoing—it just makes things more frustrating for everyone else.
2. They struggle to let things go.
Truly relaxed people don’t hold onto small annoyances, but these “chill” people have a habit of bringing up old situations long after they should have been forgotten. They’ll casually drop in comments like, “Oh yeah, like that time you left me waiting for 10 minutes” or “I remember when you chose the worst restaurant ever.”
They might claim something “wasn’t a big deal,” yet they’ll keep reminding you of it days, weeks, or even months later. A genuinely laid-back person wouldn’t still be thinking about it.
3. They rely on passive-aggressiveness instead of directness.
Rather than openly admitting when something bothers them, they’ll drop sarcastic remarks or make subtle digs. “Oh wow, must be nice to be late and not worry about it” or “Guess I just have different standards.”
People who are truly easygoing don’t need to be passive-aggressive; they’ll either brush it off or address it directly if it really matters. If someone constantly hints at their frustrations instead of being upfront, they’re not as relaxed as they claim.
4. They pretend they’re fine when they’re clearly not.
When something upsets them, they insist it’s “totally fine” while sulking, giving one-word answers, or avoiding eye contact. They might even go out of their way to act overly cheerful to “prove” they’re unbothered, but the tension is obvious.
If someone has to repeatedly assure you that they’re not upset while acting the exact opposite, they’re not as relaxed as they make out. A truly laid-back person wouldn’t feel the need to put on a show.
5. They need to be in control.
They might not be obvious about it, but they always seem to find ways to take charge. They’ll offer “helpful suggestions” that are really just ways of making sure things are done their way, or they’ll insist they “don’t mind” where you go for dinner, only to start listing places they’d rather not go.
They might say they don’t care how things go, but if you ever make a choice they don’t like, their mood changes. People who are actually laid-back don’t need everything to be in their control.
6. They get frustrated when plans change.
Being easygoing means being flexible, but these people struggle with last-minute changes. They might act like it’s not a big deal, but their mood darkens, or they make it known that they’re irritated. They’ll say things like, “Oh, okay, I just planned my whole day around this, but whatever.”
Truly chill people can adapt. If someone constantly gets annoyed when things don’t go as expected, they’re more rigid than they admit.
7. They need constant reassurance.
They might not outwardly admit to worrying, but they always need to double-check that everything is okay. “Are you sure you’re not mad?” “You don’t think I was being rude, do you?” “Did that text sound weird?” They say they’re relaxed, but their need for validation suggests otherwise.
It’s normal to seek reassurance sometimes, but people who are truly easygoing don’t overanalyse every conversation. If someone is always checking that they haven’t upset you, they’re likely more anxious than they let on.
8. They avoid direct confrontation but hold grudges.
Instead of openly discussing issues, they’ll avoid confrontation at all costs, only to stay quietly resentful long after. They might act normal, but you can sense something is off, or they’ll suddenly bring up old grievances when you least expect it.
Genuinely easygoing people either express their concerns or move on. They don’t simmer in unresolved feelings while pretending everything is fine.
9. They always need things to be “fair.”
They say they don’t care about keeping score, but somehow, they always keep track of who paid last, who texted first, or who did the last favour. If you don’t return a favour in a way they deem equal, they’ll make sure you know about it.If they were truly laid-back, they wouldn’t feel the need to micromanage every exchange to make sure they’re not being “taken advantage of.”
10. They struggle with indecisiveness.
They insist they’re fine with any option, but when pressed to make a decision, they freeze. “I’m good with whatever” somehow turns into a 10-minute back-and-forth of “No, you choose.” Then, once a decision is made, they hesitate or suggest something else. Being truly easygoing means making a decision when needed, not deflecting responsibility just to avoid making the wrong choice.
11. They claim they’re spontaneous, but only on their terms.
They love the idea of being up for anything — until someone else suggests something unexpected. Suddenly, they need time to think or come up with an excuse. They’ll be happy to make last-minute plans, but only when they’re the one in charge. Real spontaneity means rolling with what comes up, not just when it’s their own idea.
12. They struggle with criticism.
They might pretend that feedback doesn’t bother them, but even the mildest criticism leads to defensiveness or justifying their actions. They’ll brush it off with “Oh, I don’t care,” but then later, you’ll catch them complaining about it to someone else. People who are actually laid-back can take constructive feedback without feeling personally attacked. If someone always has an excuse for everything, they’re probably more sensitive than they let on.
13. They have strong opinions but pretend they don’t.
They’ll say they don’t care about a topic but then launch into a passionate debate the moment it comes up. “Oh, I don’t really have an opinion on it, but actually…” followed by a long, detailed argument. People who are easygoing don’t pretend to be neutral when they’re clearly not. If someone frequently claims to have no opinion but gets emotionally involved in conversations, they’re not as relaxed as they make out.
14. They’re quick to dismiss their own stress.
They’ll say, “I never get stressed” or “Nothing really bothers me,” but their behaviour tells a different story. Maybe they grind their teeth, get snappy, or become restless when things aren’t going smoothly.
15. They want to be seen as “chill.”
The biggest giveaway? They constantly remind people how laid-back they are. The more they say it, the less true it usually is. No one who’s actually chill needs to announce it to everyone else — they rely on their behaviour to send that message.
