Not being in a relationship can be a genuinely joyful and fulfilling experience, but not everyone loves it.
Maybe you feel pressured to insist that you’re single by choice, or that you’re happy being so unattached and carefree, but is that really how you feel deep down? If you do any of these things, you might be overcompensating a bit and trying to convince everyone you’re happier on your own than you really are. While it’s important to be able to be comfortable alone, there’s no shame in wanting a relationship, you know!
1. You constantly remind everyone that you’re happy single.
Let’s be real — if you’re announcing your single status unprompted at every brunch and happy hour, you might be trying to convince yourself more than your friends. It’s totally normal to have days when being single rocks and days when it doesn’t. Maybe try jotting down your actual thoughts about single life somewhere private instead of broadcasting them — no judgment from your journal!
2. Your social media screams independence.
We’ve all been there — posting that tenth “living my best life” selfie of the week, complete with quotes about not needing anybody. But if your Instagram is starting to look like a singles’ empowerment seminar, you might be overplaying it. Next time you’re about to post, ask yourself if you’re sharing because you want to or because you’re trying to prove something. Better yet, put the phone down and enjoy that solo brunch without documenting it.
3. You ghost potential connections.
Look, ghosting is sometimes easier than dealing with actual feelings — we get it. But if you’re automatically hitting the eject button on every person who shows interest, that might not be your preference talking — it could be your fear. Next time someone interesting comes along, try sticking around for at least three conversations before deciding if they’re worth your time. Who knows? They might actually be cool.
4. Date night makes you bitter.
Finding yourself rolling your eyes at every couple sharing pasta, or feeling personally attacked by rom-coms? Been there! But if every date night out turns into a mental roast of happy couples, you might have some feelings to sort through. Try focusing on the actual good stuff — like that amazing pasta you ordered or the fact that you can watch whatever movie you want, whenever you want.
5. Your standards are impossibly high.
If your dating checklist is longer than your weekly grocery list, you might be setting yourself up for permanent singlehood without meaning to. Sure, having standards is great, but if you’re requiring a PhD-holding astronaut who moonlights as a chef and looks like a movie star, you might be creating barriers. Maybe separate your actual deal-breakers from your “would be nice” list — you know, give regular awesome humans a shot.
6. You’re always the workaholic.
Crushing it at work is great, but if you’re volunteering for every late shift and weekend project, you might be using your job as a shield. Try blocking out just one evening a week for non-work stuff — grab drinks with friends, try that new cooking class, or just chill. Your emails will still be there tomorrow, promise.
7. Solo activities feel like a statement.
When grabbing coffee alone feels like you’re starring in your own independent woman movie, you might be overthinking it. Not everything needs to be a declaration of independence. Next time you do something solo, try just enjoying it without the internal commentary. That latte tastes the same whether you’re making a statement or not!
8. Dating app deletion is your monthly ritual.
The download-swipe-get frustrated-delete cycle is practically a modern ritual at this point. But if you’re installing and dramatically deleting dating apps more often than you check your credit score, something’s up. Maybe try keeping one app and using it casually when you’re in the mood — like checking it while you’re watching Netflix, no pressure.
9. Your self-care routine is excessive.
Look, we love a good face mask and bubble bath combo as much as anyone. But if your self-care routine has turned into a full-time job, you might be avoiding rather than processing. Try mixing in some activities that actually get you out there — maybe a group workout class or a book club. You can still keep the bubble baths, though!
10. You’ve memorised single empowerment quotes.
If you can recite every sassy single quote from Sex and the City without missing a beat, you might be overcompensating a bit. Instead of channelling Carrie Bradshaw, try figuring out your own thoughts about being single. Bonus points if you can do it without using the phrase “living my best life.”
11. Group hangouts make you anxious.
Getting the group invite and immediately stressing about being the only single person? Totally get it. But ducking out of every group hang because you’re scared of being the odd one out isn’t the answer. Try hosting a gathering yourself — that way you can invite a mix of people and set the vibe. Plus, being the host gives you something to focus on besides your relationship status.
12. Your independence feels performative.
Refusing to let your friend help you move because “I’m a strong, independent person” isn’t cute — it’s just unnecessarily exhausting. Being single doesn’t mean you have to do everything solo. Let your friends help with the heavy lifting sometimes — both literally and emotionally. That’s what they’re there for!
13. Valentine’s Day triggers extreme reactions.
Whether you’re planning an elaborate “I hate Valentine’s Day” party or hiding under your covers until February 15th, extreme reactions to V-Day usually mean something. Try treating it like any other day — maybe order your favourite takeaway and watch something that has nothing to do with romance. Or hey, buy yourself those chocolates — they’re going to be on sale anyway!
14. You avoid couple friends.
Dodging invites from your paired-up friends because you can’t handle their coupled bliss? Take it from someone who’s been there — you’re probably missing out on some good times. Your friends didn’t stop being fun just because they found someone. Plus, they probably have some single friends too — just saying!
15. Your future plans lack flexibility.
Having a five-year plan is great, but if yours specifically excludes any possibility of relationships, you might be playing it too safe. Life has a funny way of surprising us when we least expect it. Keep those plans flexible — whether you end up sharing them with someone or rocking them solo, you’ll want room for all the good stuff that might come your way.
