It’s a wonderful feeling to give and support the people we care about.
We all enjoy lending a hand, offering our time, or simply being there for a friend. However, when the scales tip and we find ourselves constantly pouring into relationships without receiving anything in return, it’s time for a reality check.
1. You feel drained and exhausted, even after spending time with other people
Social interactions should leave you feeling energised and connected. If you consistently feel emotionally drained and depleted after spending time with certain people, it’s a red flag. Healthy relationships are reciprocal and leave you feeling uplifted, not like you’ve just run a marathon.
2. Your needs and desires always take a back seat.
Do you constantly put other people’s needs before your own? Do you find yourself sacrificing your wants and desires to please everyone, even if it leaves you feeling unfulfilled? Prioritising other people is kind, but not at the expense of your own well-being. It’s essential to have a healthy balance and ensure your needs are met too.
3. You’re always the one initiating contact and making plans.
Source: Unsplash Are you always the one reaching out, texting, or calling? Do you find yourself constantly making plans, only to have them fall through or be met with excuses? If you’re always the initiator and feel like you’re chasing after people, it’s a sign that the effort might not be reciprocated.
4. You feel like you’re constantly bending over backward to please people.
Do you find yourself constantly going out of your way to accommodate everyone, even if it means compromising your own boundaries or values? Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid conflict or upsetting someone? Constantly contorting yourself to fit other people’s needs can lead to resentment and unhappiness.
5. You feel unheard and undervalued.
In healthy relationships, both parties feel heard, understood, and appreciated. If you constantly feel like your thoughts, opinions, and feelings are being dismissed or overlooked, it’s a sign that the relationship might be one-sided. Your voice deserves to be heard, and your contributions should be acknowledged.
6. You’re always there for other people, but they’re rarely there for you.
Source: Pexels Do you find yourself being the shoulder to cry on, the listening ear, or the emergency contact for a lot of people, but when you need support, they’re nowhere to be found? If you’re consistently available for everyone else but feel like you can’t count on them in return, it’s a clear indication of an imbalance in the relationship.
7. You often feel taken for granted or unappreciated.
Source: Unsplash Everyone enjoys feeling valued and appreciated. If your efforts, kindness, and support are consistently overlooked or met with indifference, it’s a painful experience. It’s important to surround yourself with people who recognise and acknowledge your contributions and make you feel valued.
8. You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
Source: Unsplash Healthy relationships are built on trust, open communication, and the freedom to be yourself. If you feel like you have to constantly censor your thoughts, opinions, or emotions to avoid upsetting someone, it’s a sign of a toxic dynamic. You deserve to be in relationships where you can express yourself authentically without fear of repercussions.
9. You feel like you’re constantly apologising, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
Source: Unsplash Do you find yourself apologising excessively, even for things that aren’t your fault? This might stem from a desire to avoid conflict or a fear of upsetting people. However, constantly apologising can diminish your self-worth and create an imbalance in the relationship. It’s essential to take responsibility for your actions, but not for things that are beyond your control.
10. You feel guilty for saying “no.”
Source: Unsplash Saying “no” is a healthy boundary that everyone needs to establish. If you feel guilty or anxious whenever you decline a request, even if it’s unreasonable or inconvenient, it’s a sign that you’re putting everyone else’s needs over your own. Remember, it’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty, especially if it protects your well-being or aligns with your priorities.
11. You feel resentful and unappreciated.
Source: Unsplash Resentment can build up when you consistently give without receiving anything in return. If you feel unappreciated or taken for granted, it can lead to bitterness and frustration. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, appreciation, and a balance of giving and receiving. If you’re feeling resentful, it’s important to address the issue and communicate your needs.
12. You find yourself making excuses for other people’s behaviour.
Source: Unsplash Do you often rationalise or justify the people’s actions, even when they’re hurtful or disrespectful? This can be a defence mechanism to protect yourself from the pain of acknowledging the imbalance in the relationship. However, making excuses for bad behaviour only perpetuates the cycle and prevents you from addressing the issue head-on.
13. Your self-esteem and confidence have taken a hit.
Source: Unsplash Constantly giving and receiving nothing in return can erode your self-esteem and confidence. When your efforts are not valued or reciprocated, it can make you question your worth. Healthy relationships should build you up and make you feel good about yourself, not tear you down. It’s crucial to surround yourself with people who lift you up and appreciate your contributions.
14. You’re afraid to speak up or express your needs.
If you’re afraid to speak up and assert your needs, it might be due to a fear of conflict or rejection. However, suppressing your needs can lead to resentment and unhappiness. In healthy relationships, open communication is key. It’s important to express your needs and expectations clearly and directly, while also respecting other people’s needs.
15. You feel like you’re losing yourself in the relationship.
Source: Unsplash When you constantly prioritise other people’s needs and desires, it can lead to a loss of your own identity and sense of self. It’s essential to maintain your individuality and pursue your own interests and passions. Healthy relationships allow space for personal growth and development, rather than suffocating your individuality.
