Parenting doesn’t come with an expiration date, but the dynamics between parents and adult children can sometimes get a bit wonky.
Manipulation in these relationships often starts subtly and grows over time, leaving parents feeling exhausted or taken advantage of for reasons they can’t quite put their fingers on. If you’re wondering whether you’re being manipulated by your adult child, here are some warning signs to look out for — and how to regain balance.
1. They use guilt as a weapon.
It’s something we all know too well: that comment, “You don’t care about me,” or, “After everything I’ve done for you…” It sounds like guilt-tripping, and it is. Manipulative kids know how to push those emotional buttons to get what they want. The trick is recognising it for what it is, and then setting some boundaries. Don’t let them play the guilt card—your love for them doesn’t mean you have to say “yes” to everything.
2. They expect financial support long after they should be independent.
Helping out during tough times is one thing, but if they’re always asking for money or expecting you to bail them out of sticky situations, it’s time to think about why they’re relying on you so much. It can feel like you’re stuck in a cycle, and before long, resentment can build up. It’s hard, but they need to start taking financial responsibility for themselves.
3. They use emotional outbursts to control situations.
Whether it’s an angry rant or a dramatic meltdown, these outbursts are designed to make you feel so uncomfortable that you’ll give in just to stop the drama. They’re hoping you’ll cave when you see them upset, but that’s exactly when you need to stand firm. If you feel like their emotional outbursts are turning into a weapon, don’t let them control you with them.
4. They make you feel like saying no isn’t an option.
Ever feel like there’s no way you can say “no” without it leading to a full-blown meltdown or cold silence? That’s manipulation at its finest. Whether it’s guilt, anger, or passive-aggressive comments, they’re making you believe that refusing their requests will ruin the relationship. It’s important to realise that standing your ground doesn’t make you a bad parent—it helps set healthy boundaries.
5. They never take responsibility for their actions.
If your child is always deflecting blame or making excuses, that’s a huge red flag. No one likes to admit their faults, but part of growing up is owning up to mistakes. If they’re constantly pointing the finger at other people, it’s not just frustrating—it’s preventing them from growing. By letting them get away with this, you’re enabling their lack of accountability.
6. They expect you to drop everything for them.
Does it feel like every time you’re in the middle of something, they suddenly need something, like right now? Whether it’s help with something small or a major problem, they act like it’s an emergency. It’s not just about their need—it’s about how little regard they have for your time. You’re allowed to have priorities, too, and you don’t need to drop everything just because they ask.
7. They manipulate with “what if” scenarios.
You’ve probably heard them say something like, “If you don’t help me, I’ll be homeless,” or, “If you don’t come through, I’ll have no one.” These exaggerated “what if” scenarios are designed to pressure you into stepping in. It makes you feel like their entire well-being is on your shoulders, but that’s not your responsibility to carry. Recognise the tactic and refuse to let them manipulate you with fear.
8. They use your love against you.
One of the most hurtful forms of manipulation is when they say something like, “If you loved me, you’d do this for me.” Love should never come with strings attached. If someone is using your affection to manipulate you into doing something, it’s time to step back and remember that your love is not something they should be able to leverage.
9. They isolate you from people who might offer perspective.
If they’re discouraging you from talking to other people about your struggles or getting advice from friends or family, that’s a clear sign of manipulation. They’re likely afraid that someone will point out their behaviour, or help you see things more clearly. Healthy relationships are built on openness—if they’re pushing you away from that, it’s a problem.
10. They constantly remind you of past sacrifices they made.
If your adult child keeps bringing up how much they’ve done for you in the past, like reminding you of all the sacrifices they made when they’ve made for you or how much they helped you out, it can be a form of manipulation. They may say things like, “I’ve given up so much for you,” or, “I’ve always been there for you,” to make you feel like you owe them. It keeps you feeling indebted, even if you don’t actually owe them anything, and can make you more likely to give in to their demands.
11. They make you question your parenting decisions.
If they’re constantly saying things like, “You were never there for me,” or “You ruined my life,” it can start to chip away at your confidence as a parent. Manipulative kids know how to use your insecurities to get what they want. It’s hard, but don’t let them make you second-guess yourself. Trust that you did your best.
12. They push for more, even after you’ve given plenty.
No matter how much you give, it’s never enough. Manipulative children rarely stop asking—they see your generosity as something they can use to their advantage. It’s important to set limits, even when it’s uncomfortable. Your love and care aren’t open-ended, and they need to respect that.
13. They minimise your problems while making theirs seem like a bigger deal.
Does it feel like when you share your concerns, they just brush them off? At the same time, every little problem they have seems like a crisis? Manipulative children focus only on their own needs and make you feel like yours don’t matter. It’s emotionally draining, and it’s important to remember that your feelings are just as valid.
14. They make you feel obligated to fix their problems.
Instead of dealing with their own issues, they expect you to step in and take over. Whether it’s helping with a job search, dealing with relationship problems, or fixing their finances, they’re treating you like a safety net. You’re a parent, not their personal fixer. It’s time for them to start handling their own problems.
15. You feel drained after every conversation with them.
This is a big one. If your conversations with your adult kid(s) always leave you feeling emotionally exhausted, anxious, or guilty, it’s a serious sign that something isn’t right. Healthy relationships leave you feeling respected, valued, and supported—not worn out. If you’re consistently feeling drained, it’s time to reassess the boundaries and dynamics at play.
