A little healthy competition in a relationship can be fun — think board game nights or friendly races to the front door.
But when that playful rivalry turns into a constant battle, it can cause tension, resentment, and unnecessary stress. If you’re not sure whether your relationship has crossed into overly competitive territory, here are a few signs you may need to dial it back or risk a big blow-up (and a breakup!).
1. You feel the need to “win” arguments.
Instead of resolving a disagreement, you find yourself focused on being right. Winning the argument feels more important than understanding each other. The solution? Remind yourself that you’re on the same team. Take a deep breath and ask, “What’s more important: being right or being happy?” Focus on resolving the issue together rather than keeping score.
2. You secretly compare achievements.
When your partner gets a promotion or hits a milestone, you can’t help but measure it against your own success. Instead of feeling happy for them, you feel like you’re falling behind. Forget that! Shift your mindset to celebrating each other’s wins. Remember, their success doesn’t diminish yours. A simple “I’m proud of you” can help you both feel supported.
3. You turn everything into a contest.
From who does the most chores to who’s more popular among friends, everything becomes a tally. The constant one-upmanship can lead to resentment. Instead, realise the value in both of your contributions without keeping score. Acknowledge that you each bring different strengths to the relationship.
4. You feel jealous when they succeed.
Rather than feeling proud or excited, you feel threatened when they achieve something. Jealousy can damage intimacy and trust, so start genuinely celebrating their successes. Remind yourself that their victories are shared victories. Expressing pride in their accomplishments will strengthen your bond.
5. You downplay their accomplishments.
If you catch yourself making dismissive comments like, “Well, that’s not that impressive,” it’s a sign of unhealthy competition. To break this bad habit, focus on building them up instead. Compliment their efforts and let them know you appreciate their hard work. Mutual encouragement creates a supportive relationship.
6. You feel satisfaction when you outperform them.
When you do better at something, you secretly (or not so secretly) feel smug. In reality, you should want them to win as much as you do in life. Shift your focus from rivalry to mutual support. Instead of gloating, say something like, “You did great too!” Recognise that your achievements are worth celebrating together.
7. You can’t accept losing gracefully.
Whether it’s a game, a challenge, or a friendly bet, losing to your partner feels like a personal failure. It’s not, of course. Start practising good sportsmanship by acknowledging their win with a smile. Remind yourself it’s about having fun together, not proving who’s better.
8. You constantly correct them.
You can’t resist pointing out when they get a fact wrong or mispronounce something. Your need to assert superiority can eat away at their confidence, and you don’t want that. Try to let the small things slide. Ask yourself if it really matters, and if it doesn’t, stay quiet and focus on the bigger picture.
9. You’re always keeping track of who’s “better.”
Whether it’s who’s more organised, smarter, or fitter, you keep an invisible scoreboard. Is that really the type of relationship you want? Why not focus on each other’s strengths and how they complement one another? Instead of comparisons, celebrate how well you work together as a team.
10. You feel threatened by their skills.
If your partner is better at something — cooking, public speaking, fixing things — it makes you feel inadequate even though you’re not. You need to flip your perspective. Appreciate their talents and see them as strengths that benefit both of you. Remember, you’re partners, not competitors.
11. You undermine their confidence.
You might make subtle jabs or sarcastic remarks to make them feel less capable, and that’s really messed up. Think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. Make a conscious effort to give genuine compliments and encouragement instead of criticism.
12. You struggle to ask for help.
Asking for help feels like admitting defeat, so you’d rather struggle than let your partner lend a hand. You need to remind yourself that needing help doesn’t make you weak. Asking for support builds trust and connection. Your partner likely wants to help you succeed.
13. You feel a constant need to prove yourself.
In your relationship, you’re always trying to show that you’re competent, successful, or skilled. The thing is, they are too — and they’re likely already well aware of your capabilities. Trust that your partner values you for who you are, not for what you achieve. Focus on being present and authentic rather than constantly proving yourself.
14. You take jokes too seriously.
Light-hearted teasing or playful competition leaves you feeling annoyed or defensive, and that’s not how a good relationship should be. Learn to laugh with your partner. Remind yourself that it’s meant to be fun, not a personal attack. Lighten up and enjoy the moment.
15. You find it hard to celebrate joint victories.
When you achieve something together, you focus more on who did what rather than the shared success. Why is that? Embrace teamwork and celebrate the fact that you accomplished something together. A win for the relationship is a win for both of you.
