Breakups are usually unpleasant for everyone involved, but some exes make it a whole new level of complicated (and miserable).
While mature adults should be able to wish their former partners the best and move on peacefully, that’s not always the case. Instead, they go out of their way to cause drama and drag things out way longer than necessary. If you’re wondering whether you’re “that ex,” here are 16 signs that might confirm you’re the one your former partners warn their friends about.
1. You keep texting “just to check in.”
Sending the occasional message after a breakup is one thing, but if you’re regularly “just checking in,” it might be time to let go. Your ex probably doesn’t need updates on your day-to-day life or your latest Netflix binge. Checking in might feel harmless to you, but it can come across as clinging to something that’s over.
2. You bring them up in every conversation.
If your friends can’t mention dinner plans without you somehow steering the conversation back to your ex, it’s a red flag. Constantly bringing them up shows you’re not as over it as you might think. Letting them go—at least in conversation—is a step toward moving forward.
3. You “accidentally” bump into them.
Source: Unsplash Turning up at their favourite coffee shop or gym might seem like a coincidence, but if it’s happening often, it’s not. Planning your day around potential run-ins is a guaranteed way to become the ex people dread. Giving them space is key to a healthy breakup.
4. You stalk their social media.
Checking your ex’s Instagram occasionally is one thing, but if you’re analysing every post and story, you might have a problem. Worse, if you accidentally like a photo from five years ago, it’s a clear sign you’ve gone too far. Unfollowing—or even muting them—might be the healthiest choice for both of you.
5. You post cryptic quotes aimed at them.
Sharing vague, emotional quotes about heartbreak on social media might feel therapeutic, but it’s also a clear signal to your ex—and everyone else—that you’re not over it. These posts often backfire, making you look more bitter than empowered. Private journaling works better than public subtweets.
6. You still keep their stuff “just in case.”
Holding on to your ex’s hoodie or that toothbrush they left behind might seem innocent, but it can keep you stuck in the past. If you’re making excuses to hang onto their things, it’s time to let go. Decluttering your space helps declutter your emotions, too.
7. You turn every breakup into a dramatic event.
If your friends know to clear their calendars for weeks after every breakup, you might have a flair for the dramatic. Breakups are tough, but turning them into full-blown soap operas can exhaust everyone around you. Processing your emotions privately can save relationships with friends and your ex.
8. You hold grudges forever.
It’s natural to feel hurt after a breakup, but carrying resentment long after the dust has settled can make you the dreaded ex. Constantly replaying arguments or blaming them for everything isn’t helpful. Forgiveness—whether for them or yourself—can help you move on.
9. You date their friends.
Starting something with your ex’s close friend might feel like a power move, but it rarely ends well. It can create awkward dynamics for everyone involved and reinforce that dreaded ex reputation. Expanding your dating pool beyond their circle is a much wiser move.
10. You show up uninvited.
Whether it’s a party, a mutual friend’s gathering, or their workplace, showing up without an invitation is a no-go. It puts your ex in an uncomfortable position and makes it clear you’re not respecting boundaries. If it’s not your event, let them enjoy it without surprise appearances.
11. You try to make them jealous.
Source: Unsplash Posting photos with someone new or flaunting your “amazing” single life to get a reaction is a classic dreaded ex move. While it might feel satisfying in the moment, it often comes across as immature. True confidence comes from focusing on your own happiness, not their response.
12. You hold onto old messages.
If you’re rereading old texts or saving screenshots of sweet things they said, it’s a sign you’re not moving forward. Nostalgia is natural, but dwelling on the past can keep you from embracing the present. Clearing out those messages can be liberating.
13. You badmouth them to mutual friends.
Talking poorly about your ex to people you both know can create unnecessary tension and make you seem petty. Mutual friends don’t want to feel caught in the middle. Keeping things civil—or better yet, neutral—shows maturity and grace.
14. You refuse to move on.
If you’re still acting like they’re the one, even when they’ve clearly moved on, it’s time for a reality check. Hanging onto the idea of getting back together only prolongs your pain. Accepting the breakup allows you to open yourself up to new possibilities.
15. You air your dirty laundry publicly.
Sharing breakup details on social media or with anyone who’ll listen can make things messy fast. Publicly calling out your ex doesn’t win sympathy—it just makes you look bitter. Keeping private matters private is always the classier route.
16. You keep comparing everyone to them.
If every new person you date is held to the standard of your ex, it’s a sign you’re not truly over them. Constant comparisons make it hard for new relationships to flourish and keep you stuck in the past. Embracing a fresh perspective helps you move forward with clarity and hope.
