15 Sneaky Ways Narcissists Try To Convince You They’re Good People

Narcissists are extremely good at presenting a carefully crafted façade to the world.

Their goal? To convince everyone, including themselves, that they’re truly good people, despite their harmful behaviour. However, underneath that charming exterior lies a complex web of tactics designed to maintain control and admiration. So, let’s shine a light on some of the sneaky ways narcissists try to pull the wool over your eyes.

1. They exaggerate their accomplishments and talents.

Narcissists love to boast about their achievements, often inflating their successes to seem more impressive. They might embellish their job title, exaggerate their income, or take credit for other people’s work. This self-aggrandisement serves to reinforce their image as superior and worthy of admiration.

2. They engage in selective memory and rewriting history.

Narcissists have a knack for remembering events in a way that benefits their narrative. They might conveniently forget their own mistakes or downplay their role in conflicts. They may also rewrite history, twisting events to portray themselves in a more favourable light. This selective memory helps them maintain a positive self-image and deflect blame.

3. They love-bomb you with compliments and affection.

In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists often shower their targets with attention, flattery, and gifts. This “love bombing” creates a powerful sense of connection and makes you feel special and adored. However, this intense affection is often short-lived and serves to draw you into their orbit.

4. They play the victim to gain sympathy and support.

Narcissists are experts at portraying themselves as victims of circumstance or what other people have done wrong. They might exaggerate minor setbacks, blame everyone else for their problems, or play up their own suffering. This victim mentality elicits sympathy and support from those around them, further reinforcing their image as good people who have been unfairly treated.

5. They use guilt and shame to control your behaviour.

If you challenge a narcissist’s behaviour or question their motives, they may respond with guilt trips, accusations, or gaslighting. They might make you feel like you’re the one at fault or that you’re being unreasonable. This manipulation tactic is designed to silence dissent and keep you under their control.

6. They surround themselves with flying monkeys.

“Flying monkeys” are people who have been charmed or manipulated by the narcissist and are willing to do their bidding. These enablers might defend the narcissist’s behaviour, spread rumours about their victims, or try to isolate them from their support systems. The presence of flying monkeys creates a false sense of consensus and makes it difficult to challenge the narcissist’s narrative.

7. They perform acts of superficial kindness and generosity.

Narcissists might donate to charity, volunteer their time, or perform other acts of apparent kindness. However, these actions are often motivated by a desire for recognition and admiration, rather than genuine empathy or altruism. By showcasing their good deeds, they create an image of themselves as benevolent and caring individuals.

8. They use charm and charisma to disarm and manipulate.

Narcissists are often charming, charismatic, and persuasive. They know how to make people feel good about themselves, and they use this charm to gain favour and manipulate people. They might tell you exactly what you want to hear, shower you with compliments, or make you feel like you’re the most important person in their world. This superficial charm can be intoxicating and make it difficult to see their true nature.

9. They triangulate relationships to create jealousy and insecurity.

Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration, and they often create drama by pitting people against each other. They might flirt with other people in front of you, compare you unfavourably to their exes, or share confidential information to stir up conflict. This triangulation tactic is designed to keep you on edge and constantly vying for their approval.

10. They gaslight you into doubting your own reality.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that involves making you question your own sanity and perception of events. Narcissists might deny things they said or did, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or paranoid. Over time, this gaslighting can decimate your self-confidence and make you doubt your own reality.

11. They project their own flaws and insecurities onto other people.

Narcissists are often deeply insecure, but they project those insecurities onto everyone around them to avoid facing them within themselves. They might accuse you of being selfish, manipulative, or insecure, even when those traits are more reflective of their own behaviour. This projection allows them to maintain a positive self-image while shifting blame onto you.

12. They use silent treatment as a form of punishment.

Narcissists wield silence as a weapon, withdrawing affection and communication as a way to punish you for perceived slights or disobedience. This silent treatment can be incredibly painful and leave you feeling isolated and rejected. It’s a powerful tool of control that forces you to submit to their demands and chase their approval.

13. They feign empathy and concern to appear caring and compassionate.

Narcissists might offer words of comfort or appear to be concerned about your well-being, but their empathy is often superficial and performative. They might mimic emotions they don’t genuinely feel or offer empty platitudes that lack sincerity. This feigned empathy is a way to maintain their image as good people while manipulating your emotions.

14. They apologise insincerely and without taking responsibility.

Narcissists might apologise for their hurtful behaviour, but their apologies often lack sincerity and accountability. They might blame external factors, downplay the impact of their actions, or offer a non-apology apology (“I’m sorry you feel that way”). Their apologies are often a manipulation tactic designed to appease you and regain your favour, rather than a genuine expression of remorse.

15. They use future faking to keep you hooked.

Narcissists often make grandiose promises about the future to keep you invested in the relationship. They might talk about extravagant trips, dream weddings, or a perfect life together. However, these promises are rarely fulfilled and are merely a tool to manipulate your hopes and dreams. This future faking keeps you hopeful and prevents you from leaving the relationship.