Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean they’re always going to have your best interests at heart.
You expect their support, but if it’s not genuine, it’s essentially meaningless. When your family member is merely humouring you — pretending to listen, agree, or care — it can feel confusing and isolating. These subtle signs can help you recognise when your family isn’t being completely authentic with you.
1. They give vague responses to your stories.
Source: Unsplash If you share something meaningful, and they reply with non-committal phrases like, “Oh, that’s nice,” or “Wow, cool,” without asking follow-up questions, they might not be fully engaged. Genuine interest usually comes with specific questions or comments, not empty reactions. It’s as if they’re keeping the conversation going out of politeness, not because they genuinely care about what you’re saying.
2. They change the subject quickly.
When you’re talking about something that matters to you, and they steer the conversation elsewhere as soon as possible, it’s a red flag. It signals that they’re not genuinely invested in what you’re saying and would rather focus on something they find more interesting. It often feels like your thoughts are an inconvenience they’re trying to brush off.
3. They give you forced smiles and nods.
Pay attention to their body language. If their smiles seem tight or their nods feel robotic, they might just be going through the motions. Authentic engagement usually involves relaxed facial expressions and natural reactions, not a rehearsed display. You might notice their eyes glazing over or shifting focus elsewhere as you speak.
4. They rarely remember details you’ve shared.
If they frequently forget important details about your life, like your job, hobbies, or recent experiences, it could be a sign that they weren’t truly listening in the first place. Genuine interest means remembering what matters to you. When they forget things you’ve mentioned multiple times, it can feel like your life isn’t worth their attention.
5. They laugh at your jokes, but it feels hollow.
If their laughter feels exaggerated or comes a second too late, they may just be humouring you. Genuine laughter is spontaneous and heartfelt, while forced laughter tends to sound strained or overly polite. Sometimes, you might catch them glancing around or rolling their eyes when they think you aren’t looking.
6. They agree with you too quickly.
If they immediately agree with everything you say without offering their own thoughts, they may be placating you to avoid conflict or further discussion. Genuine conversations often include different perspectives, not just automatic agreement. It can feel like they’re just nodding along to get through the interaction faster.
7. They avoid deeper conversations with you.
When your chats always stay surface-level, and they dodge any attempts to go deeper, it might be a sign they’re just humouring you. Authentic relationships are built on meaningful conversations, not just small talk. Their reluctance to engage in anything deeper might be their way of keeping emotional distance.
8. They offer compliments that feel generic.
If their praise sounds like, “You did great!” or “Good job!” but lacks specifics, they may not be paying close attention. Genuine compliments usually highlight particular details, showing they actually noticed your efforts. It feels more like they’re checking a box than truly appreciating you.
9. They seem distracted when you talk.
Do they check their phone, glance around the room, or give half-hearted “uh-huhs” while you’re speaking? If so, they may be humouring you out of politeness rather than actively engaging in the conversation. Their lack of focus can leave you feeling like your words are background noise.
10. They only engage when other people are watching.
Source: Unsplash If they seem more interested in you when there’s an audience but become distant in private, their behaviour may be more about appearances than genuine care. All that inconsistency is a strong indicator of insincerity. They may want to look like a supportive family member without putting in the effort.
11. They offer advice without really understanding your situation.
When they jump in with suggestions or solutions that don’t fit your context, it’s often a sign they weren’t truly listening. Genuine advice comes from understanding, not from giving a quick, surface-level fix. It feels like they’re more focused on appearing helpful than actually being helpful.
12. They give you a “pat on the back” kind of support.
If their support feels more like a routine gesture than heartfelt encouragement, they might just be going through the motions. True support feels warm, personal, and reassuring, not just a quick pat on the back. It’s as if they’re offering a placeholder for real empathy.
13. They seem impatient during your conversations.
If they glance at the clock, sigh quietly, or seem eager to move on, they may just be humouring you to get through the interaction. Genuine engagement doesn’t come with an invisible timer ticking away. Their impatience can leave you feeling like you’re a burden.
14. They don’t share much about their own lives.
Healthy relationships are a two-way street. If they rarely open up to you, it might be a sign they’re keeping you at arm’s length. When they’re just humouring you, they might avoid deeper sharing to maintain distance. The lack of reciprocity can make interactions feel hollow.
15. They seem relieved when the conversation ends.
If you notice a visible shift in their mood — like a sigh of relief or a sudden burst of energy — when your conversation wraps up, they may have been tolerating the interaction rather than enjoying it. Genuine connection feels fulfilling, not like a chore. Their relief might suggest they were simply enduring the moment.
