Parenting together can make a relationship stronger, but sometimes it can also create an unexpected imbalance.
If you’ve been feeling like your partner’s focus is overwhelmingly on the kids — at the expense of your relationship — it might leave you wondering where you fit in on their list of priorities. Yes, kids need more attention and care than adults, but without attention and nurturing in your relationship, it’s bound to fail. Here are just a few signs your partner may be unintentionally putting your children above you, and what it means for your bond.
1. Your conversations revolve only around the kids.
It’s natural to discuss the kids daily, but if every conversation begins and ends with them, it can feel like you’ve lost connection as a couple. When topics like school schedules, hobbies, or bedtime routines dominate, it may leave little room for deeper, meaningful conversations between you and your partner. The lack of personal communication can make you feel sidelined. A healthy relationship requires discussions that are about you as a couple, not just about your shared responsibilities as parents. You’re still people outside of your childcare responsibilities.
2. Date nights are non-existent.
Spending quality time together is a must for any relationship, but if your partner refuses to plan time for just the two of you, it may be a sign that their priorities are elsewhere. This often happens when all focus is placed on parenting without considering the romantic partnership. Even small gestures, like a quiet dinner at home, can rekindle intimacy. Ignoring the need for couple time might leave you feeling like a roommate rather than a partner. This might be more complicated if you don’t have outside help or when your kids are tiny, but it’s worth figuring out a way to manage at least a few hours a week when you can focus on your connection.
3. They take the kids’ side in every disagreement.
When conflicts pop up, it’s important for both parents to maintain a united front, even if you disagree on how it should be handled. However, if your partner consistently sides with the kids against you, it can feel isolating and unfair. Their behaviour might come from a desire to avoid upsetting the kids, but it undermines your role and partnership. Healthy parenting involves balance and mutual respect between both adults in the relationship. You can discuss your differing views away from the kids, but when you’re parenting them, teamwork should be at the forefront.
4. They give the kids all their emotional energy.
If your partner is emotionally drained from managing the kids’ needs and leaves nothing for you, it can feel like you’re an afterthought. While parenting is demanding, a strong relationship requires emotional energy, too. Neglecting to share emotional moments with you may lead to feelings of loneliness and frustration. It’s important to address this imbalance to ensure the relationship remains a priority. Otherwise, you could find that the connection you once had has completely dissipated, and that’s the last thing you want.
5. You feel like you’re parenting alone.
When your partner is overly focused on the kids, you might notice that they delegate decisions or responsibilities to you without being fully involved. This can make parenting feel like a solo job, even in a two-parent household. Feeling unsupported in shared responsibilities can create resentment. A strong partnership requires shared effort, especially when it comes to raising children. You decided to have kids together — you should be focused on raising them together, too.
6. Affection between you has disappeared.
Physical and emotional affection is a cornerstone of any romantic relationship. If hugs, kisses, or even kind words are now reserved only for the kids, it’s easy to feel left out and unappreciated. While parenting can be exhausting, neglecting intimacy with your partner can weaken your connection. Restoring those small acts of affection can go a long way in rebuilding closeness. Of course, that’s not to say you’re going to have as much time or energy for constant bedroom romps like the old days, but there are other ways to show you care, and you should be making an effort to do so. Even a hug or kiss in the kitchen while making breakfast can make a difference.
7. Special occasions are only about the kids.
Birthdays, holidays, and milestones are important for children, but if these events become exclusively about them, it can feel like you’re forgotten. When your contributions or needs are overlooked during celebrations, it may point to an imbalance. Recognising both partners and kids during special occasions ensures everyone feels valued. If this isn’t happening, it might leave you feeling overshadowed by the kids’ needs.
8. They dismiss your feelings about parenting.
If you’ve raised concerns about your parenting dynamics and your partner brushes them off, it can feel invalidating. Their dismissal often comes from their focus on what they believe is best for the kids, rather than considering your perspective. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication. Ignoring your input in parenting matters may not only harm your partnership but also affect your confidence in decision-making. You won’t always see eye-to-eye on how things should be handled, but you should at least be able to voice your opinion and have it validated and respected by your partner. This way, you can find a way forward together.
9. They let the kids interrupt your time together.
Spending time as a couple is important, but if your partner allows the kids to disrupt every moment you set aside for each other, it can feel like your relationship is always taking a back seat. Teaching kids to respect boundaries can create healthier dynamics. Without those boundaries, it’s hard to carve out the quality time needed to maintain your bond as partners. You don’t need to be with your kids 24/7, especially once they get a bit older. It’s okay to spend a few hours or even a day away from them. They’ll be okay!
10. Your accomplishments are overlooked.
Parenting is a shared journey, but if your individual achievements go unnoticed while every small milestone of the kids is celebrated, it can feel discouraging. Recognition is key in any supportive partnership. Taking time to appreciate each other’s efforts strengthens relationships. Overlooking this creates an imbalance, where only the kid’s lives seem worthy of celebration, and that can be really painful.
11. They cater to the kids’ every demand.
When your partner prioritises the kids’ wants over all else, including your needs, it can feel frustrating. Catering to their every whim might seem loving, but it can inadvertently place your relationship second (not to mention turn the kids into spoiled brats). Setting healthy boundaries for the kids encourages independence and ensures that your partnership gets the attention it deserves. Balancing everyone’s needs is really important for a peaceful home, and it ensures no one feels like they’ve been neglected or left behind.
12. You’re left out of family decisions.
If your partner makes major family decisions without consulting you, it can feel like you’re not an equal part of the team. From big plans to everyday routines, your voice matters in creating a balanced household. Feeling excluded can lead to frustration and resentment. Working together to make decisions means that both partners feel valued and included in family life. Besides, why should they get to call all the shots? You’re a part of this family, too!
13. They avoid resolving relationship issues.
When your partner redirects every discussion back to the kids instead of addressing your concerns, it may point to issues with avoidance. Focusing solely on the children can be a way of brushing off deeper relationship challenges. Facing issues head-on is essential for a healthy partnership. Sweeping problems under the rug only creates further disconnection and strains your bond. If it’s left like this too long, you may be parenting separately in the not too distant future.
14. You feel more like a co-parent than a partner.
If your dynamic feels more like two parents managing a household than a couple sharing a romantic relationship, it’s a sign something is off. While parenting is a big part of life, it shouldn’t completely replace your role as partners. Rediscovering your connection as a couple can revitalise your relationship. Finding time to nurture your bond outside of parenting responsibilities is key to maintaining a healthy dynamic.
15. You’re no longer a priority.
Perhaps the clearest sign is feeling like you’re consistently last on the priority list. While kids are an essential part of life, your relationship needs attention and care to thrive. Readdressing priorities and finding balance can help you regain your connection. A strong partnership benefits not only you as a couple but also the family as a whole.
