Marriage today looks very different from what it did decades ago.
While some of the changes that have come about in recent years reflect progress, others highlight what we’ve left behind. So much is missing from modern marriages compared to those of the boomer generation, and while in many ways, that’s a good thing, there are some parts of marriage between older generations that were worth hanging onto.
1. Traditional courtship rituals
Dating used to follow a much more intentional path. Back in the day, couples didn’t just meet up casually; there were formal introductions, planned dates, and a slow build-up to a relationship. Courtship was more than just hanging out – it was about taking time to get to know each other with clear intentions, and it was pretty much assumed that it would eventually lead to marriage. Family involvement was common too, with parents and relatives often playing a role in the process.
Today, thanks to dating apps and casual meetups, the whole process is a lot more relaxed and flexible. While that freedom offers plenty of benefits, there’s something special about the anticipation and romance that came with traditional courtship that can feel like it’s missing now. Not everyone’s into the slow burn, but there’s definitely a sense of something deeper when relationships used to develop more intentionally.
2. Long-term financial dependency
Back in the day, marriage often came with very distinct financial roles. Generally, the husband was the breadwinner, and the wife managed the household, making financial dependency a significant part of the marriage dynamic. It wasn’t uncommon for one partner to be financially reliant on the other for long periods of time.
Now, many couples aim for financial independence, with both partners sharing expenses and responsibilities. While it has its advantages in terms of equality, it can also bring up tensions, especially when one partner handles money differently than the other. Some people feel that the financial independence we see today has removed a certain sense of teamwork that used to exist when roles were more clearly defined. It’s a balance between sharing the load and sometimes feeling like your partnership doesn’t have quite the same cohesion it used to.
3. “Till death do us part” mentality
In the past, divorce was rare, and couples stuck it out, even if things weren’t perfect. Divorce used to carry a stigma, and many marriages survived hardships because leaving wasn’t really an option, socially speaking. People often worked through struggles that might end modern marriages, whether due to societal pressure or just a lack of alternatives.
Today, people often see marriage as a partnership based on happiness and mutual fulfilment. While it allows couples to prioritise their own well-being, it can also lead to quicker separations when challenges crop up. That reflects changing values, but it also means that many couples no longer feel the same pressure to stick together through thick and thin. There’s more focus on finding happiness, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that the “forever” part of marriage sometimes gets tested earlier on.
4. Clear gender roles
Boomer marriages were built around clear gender roles, with men typically being the providers and women managing the home. These roles weren’t questioned much and formed the backbone of many relationships. The clarity of responsibilities made things pretty straightforward, but it was also a system that didn’t leave much room for flexibility or personal choice.
Now, those roles are much more blurred, with both partners usually sharing the load in terms of work and home responsibilities. While the change has brought much-needed gender equality, it also means that couples have to navigate what shared responsibilities look like in practice, which can lead to confusion or tension if expectations aren’t clearly communicated. While it’s great that men and women are no longer boxed into rigid roles, figuring out how to balance everything as equals isn’t always as easy as it sounds.
5. Formal wedding traditions
Weddings back in the day were often grand, traditional affairs, complete with religious ceremonies, large guest lists, and all the classic wedding rituals. These weddings were as much about the community as they were about the couple, signalling a serious, lifelong commitment.
In the 21st century, weddings come in all shapes and sizes. Whether it’s a relaxed elopement, a quirky backyard celebration, or a destination wedding, couples now have the freedom to make their big day truly their own. While it reflects personal expression, there’s something about the old-school wedding traditions – the formalities, the big guest lists, the traditional vows – that added a sense of gravitas to the whole thing. Today’s weddings may reflect individuality, but some still miss the communal feeling that came with the classic ceremony.
6. Rigid societal expectations
Back in the boomer era, marriage was pretty much expected. It was the next step in the “life plan” – get married, buy a house, have kids, settle into family life. Most people followed a pretty predictable path. And if you didn’t, it was often seen as a bit odd.
Today, there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for relationships. Some people get married young, some wait until later in life, and others don’t get married at all. While the shift allows for more personal choice, it can also make people feel like they’re doing something wrong or not “keeping up” with expectations. Without a clear societal script, couples now have to figure out what works best for them, which can sometimes be confusing or lead to feelings of uncertainty.
7. Family and community involvement
In earlier generations, marriages were often seen as a community affair. Families and friends played active roles in supporting couples, whether it was celebrating milestones or offering help during tough times. There was a sense that marriage was a shared responsibility, and communities often rallied around the couple in ways that went beyond just emotional support.
Modern marriages tend to be much more private, with couples focusing inward. While this can promote independence, it can also leave couples feeling isolated, especially during tough times when having a wider support system might have been beneficial. A lack of community involvement means couples sometimes have to figure things out on their own, which can be both empowering and overwhelming.
8. Patience during rough patches
Boomers were often taught that patience was key to making a marriage last. The idea of “weathering the storm” was a core value, even when things weren’t going well. Many couples stayed together through long periods of unhappiness because they felt like they had to.
Today, there’s more emphasis on emotional health and personal happiness. People are more willing to walk away from marriages that don’t meet their needs or to get help early on if things start to unravel. While focusing on personal happiness is great, it sometimes means couples are less patient when facing challenges. There’s definitely a place for perseverance in relationships, but modern couples often feel less pressure to stick things out if they’re not feeling fulfilled.
9. Defined gender-based household roles
In the past, marriages had pretty clear-cut household roles: one partner handled the domestic side, while the other focused on finances. The system was simple, even if it wasn’t always fair or flexible.
Today, household roles are often negotiated and shared, which has its pros and cons. On the one hand, it allows for better collaboration, but on the other, it can lead to tension if expectations aren’t clearly communicated. Who does what around the house can sometimes be a point of frustration, especially if one person feels like they’re doing more than their fair share.
10. Fixed marital timelines
Back in the day, there was a clear timeline for married life. You moved from newlywed bliss to starting a family, then onto career-building and retirement. These milestones gave couples a sense of structure and direction, and they relied on them to feel like they were on the right path, in many cases.
Today, those milestones are a lot more fluid. Some couples might wait years before starting a family, or they may choose to live child-free. That flexibility allows couples to carve out a life that feels right for them, but it also means there’s sometimes uncertainty about whether they’re progressing at the “right” pace. There’s no universal blueprint anymore, and for some people, that’s a bit unsettling.
11. Sacrifices for the greater good of the family
In boomer marriages, making sacrifices for the sake of the family was a pretty common mindset. Whether it was for the kids, the marriage, or the overall family dynamic, sacrifices were often expected and accepted as part of the deal. Personal dreams, career aspirations, and sometimes even personal happiness took a back seat in order to maintain stability and keep things running smoothly.
Today, personal fulfilment is a much bigger factor in marital decisions. Couples are more focused on self-actualisation, and balancing individual desires with family needs has become a priority. While the focus on personal wellness is a positive shift in many ways, it can sometimes lead to conflicts when one partner feels their needs are being overlooked. It’s a tricky balance between ensuring both partners are happy and supporting the shared goals of the family.
12. Fewer options, which meant greater commitment
Back in the day, romantic options were much more limited. The world was smaller, and people typically met and married those within their close-knit communities. The idea of meeting someone outside your immediate social circle was much less common. That limitation often made marriage feel like the natural, ultimate goal, and many couples worked harder to keep their relationships intact, knowing that the options for finding another partner were limited.
Today, with dating apps, global travel, and endless social media connections, we have far more choices. While it offers amazing opportunities to meet new people, it also means that relationships sometimes feel less like a commitment and more like an option. With so many people to choose from, some couples feel like they’re not bound to work through challenges as they might have in the past. The abundance of options can create a sense of uncertainty about the permanence of any relationship.
13. A slower pace of life
Life in boomer times moved at a slower, more deliberate pace. There was less technology, fewer distractions, and a bit more breathing room in between the hustle of daily life. Couples had more time to connect, to talk, and to nurture their relationships without being constantly interrupted by the rush of work, screens, or social obligations.
Today, life feels faster than ever. With constant connectivity, packed schedules, and the pressure to juggle work, family, and social lives, it’s harder to find time to slow down and just be present with one another. While these modern conveniences bring opportunities, they also require more effort to create meaningful moments together. Today, relationships often need to be more intentional if they’re going to thrive in the chaos of everyday life.
14. Clear marital roles set by society.
In previous generations, society had a clear blueprint for what marriage should look like, making it easier for couples to navigate their roles. There was little room for ambiguity – you married, you had kids, you settled into your roles, and that was it. Society provided a structure that helped people understand their expectations, both within the marriage and in relation to the wider community.
Now, couples are rewriting what marriage means for themselves. There’s no longer a one-size-fits-all model. People are free to make their own rules, but that also comes with the challenge of constantly re-negotiating roles and expectations. It’s a liberation in many ways, but it also requires ongoing communication and compromise to figure out what works for both partners. While that’s an opportunity for growth, it can sometimes be overwhelming when there’s no established “right way” to do things.
15. Stability as a foundation
Boomer marriages often placed stability at the heart of the relationship. Financial security, a steady home life, and predictable routines were seen as the foundation of a successful marriage. With both partners working to keep things steady and reliable, the idea of creating a strong base for their family was the top priority.
These days, flexibility and adaptability have become more important. While the idea of stability hasn’t disappeared, the modern approach to marriage often involves embracing change, handling uncertainty, and adapting to new situations as they come. The shift reflects the values of today’s society, which prioritises growth and the ability to adapt to new circumstances. However, some couples find that a more fluid approach to marriage can make it feel less rooted, leading to questions about how to balance change with the need for stability.
