Relationships are all about give and take, but sometimes people cross the line with what they expect.
No matter how much you love them and want to make them happy, there are certain things that just aren’t your responsibility in a relationship, and you don’t need to do them, no matter what your partner says. They can like it or lump it (though the fact that they’re asking these things of you at all should be a major red flag).
1. Giving up your friends
If your partner’s trying to cut you off from your mates, that’s a big red flag. They might say it’s because they don’t like your friends, or they want you all to themselves. But having your own social circle is healthy and important. You shouldn’t have to choose between your friends and your relationship. A good partner will understand that your friends are part of who you are.
2. Sharing all your passwords
Sure, some couples are cool with an open-phone policy. But if your partner demands access to all your accounts, that’s crossing a line. It’s not about having something to hide — it’s about privacy and trust. You’re allowed to have your own digital space. If they can’t trust you without snooping through your phone, that’s their issue, not yours.
3. Changing your appearance
Whether it’s your hair, your clothes, or your weight, your body is yours alone. If your partner’s constantly nagging you to change how you look, that’s not okay. A bit of encouragement to be healthy is one thing, but trying to mould you into their ideal image? That’s controlling behaviour. You should feel comfortable in your own skin, and your partner should accept you as you are.
4. Always being available
Your partner might want you to reply to texts instantly or be free whenever they want to hang out. But you’re allowed to have a life outside the relationship. It’s healthy to have your own interests and time to yourself. You don’t need to be on call 24/7. If they can’t handle you being unavailable sometimes, that’s their problem, not yours.
5. Giving up your hobbies
Maybe they think your hobby is a waste of time, or they’re jealous of the attention you give it. But your interests are part of what makes you, you. Whether it’s playing football, painting, or collecting stamps, you shouldn’t have to give up what you love. A good partner will support your passions, even if they don’t share them.
6. Constantly proving your love
If your partner’s always questioning your feelings or demanding grand gestures to prove your love, that’s exhausting and unfair. Love isn’t about constant tests or over-the-top displays. It’s in the day-to-day actions and mutual respect. You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to prove your affection.
7. Changing your career plans
Your career is a big part of your life, and your partner doesn’t get to dictate it. If they’re pressuring you to change jobs, give up on your dreams, or prioritise their career over yours, that’s not cool. Your ambitions matter, and the right partner will support your goals, not try to change them.
8. Taking on all the housework
Unless you’ve mutually agreed to a specific division of labour, one person shouldn’t be stuck doing all the chores. It’s not the 1950s anymore. Regardless of who works more or earns more, household responsibilities should be shared. You’re partners, not a maid service.
9. Always agreeing with them
Source: Unsplash If your partner expects you to always take their side or agree with their opinions, that’s unreasonable. You’re allowed to have your own thoughts and views. Healthy relationships involve respectful disagreements sometimes. You don’t have to be a yes-person to be a good partner.
10. Giving up your independence
Some partners want to do everything together, but that’s not healthy. You should be able to go out alone, travel solo, or just have some me-time without it causing issues. Independence doesn’t threaten a strong relationship — it enhances it. You’re a couple, not conjoined twins.
11. Sharing all your money
How couples handle finances varies, but you shouldn’t feel forced to pool all your money if you’re not comfortable with it. It’s okay to have your own account or savings. Financial independence is important, and you don’t owe your partner access to every penny you earn.
12. Cutting off family
Source: Unsplash Unless your family is genuinely toxic, your partner shouldn’t be asking you to distance yourself from them. Family relationships are complex, but they’re important. A partner who tries to isolate you from your family is often showing controlling behaviour. You shouldn’t have to choose between your family and your relationship.
13. Always being in the mood
Source: Unsplash You’re not a machine. It’s normal for libidos to fluctuate, and you’re allowed to not be in the mood sometimes. If your partner pressures you for sex when you’re not feeling it, that’s not okay. Consent and mutual desire are important, always.
14. Giving up your beliefs
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s your religion, your political views, or your values, these are part of who you are. A partner who demands you change your fundamental beliefs isn’t respecting you as an individual. It’s possible to have a relationship with different beliefs, as long as there’s mutual respect.
15. Being their therapist
Supporting each other emotionally is part of a relationship, but you’re not a professional counsellor. If your partner refuses to get help for serious issues and expects you to fix everything, that’s an unfair burden. It’s okay to set boundaries around emotional labour. You can be supportive without sacrificing your own mental health.
