‘Cushioning’ is when someone keeps you around as a backup while they explore other options.
It’s not exactly cheating, but it’s a sign that they aren’t fully committed. They don’t want to stop playing the field and seeing what else is out there, which means you end up in limbo while they’re out having fun. If you’re worried this might be happening to you, here are 15 warning signs to watch out for. You deserve someone who chooses you 100% — if they can’t or won’t, they’re not the one for you.
1. They’re distant but never completely gone.
Source: Unsplash They keep just enough contact to maintain the relationship, but they’re emotionally distant. It’s like they’re only half-present, and it leaves you feeling unsure about where you really stand with them. One minute they’re there, the next they’re hard to reach, but never fully gone.
2. They’re vague about the future.
Whenever the topic of future plans comes up, they either dodge it or give non-committal answers. They don’t want to lock anything in because they’re still unsure if they’ll be sticking around. This uncertainty can leave you feeling like everything’s up in the air, with no real direction.
3. They don’t prioritise your time together.
It feels like you’re always second to their friends, work, or random plans. Sure, they spend time with you, but it’s clear that you’re not their top priority. You’re constantly left feeling like you’re fighting for a spot in their schedule, and it’s exhausting.
4. They flirt with other people, but brush it off when you call them out on it.
They’re openly flirty with other people, but when you mention it, they laugh it off or say it’s harmless. This casual attitude towards their flirting can make you feel like they’re trying to keep you calm while they test the waters elsewhere. It leaves you wondering if there’s more to it than just playful banter.
5. They avoid deep conversations about feelings.
Talking about emotions or the direction of your relationship feels like pulling teeth. When you try to open up or discuss where things are heading, they either keep it surface-level or avoid the conversation completely. This lack of emotional depth makes it hard to feel secure in the relationship.
6. They’re inconsistent with affection.
One day, they’re all over you, and the next, they’re cold and distant. This hot-and-cold behaviour keeps you on edge, constantly wondering where you stand. The emotional rollercoaster can be exhausting, leaving you feeling more confused than connected.
7. They have a lot of “close friends” of the opposite sex.
It’s totally normal to have friends of any gender, but if they seem to spend more time with their “close friends” of the opposite sex than with you, it’s worth raising an eyebrow. You start to wonder where you really fit into their life and if you’re truly a priority or just another option.
8. They’re active on dating apps or social media in sketchy ways.
If they’re still on dating apps or spending a lot of time liking and commenting on other people’s photos, it’s a sign they’re not fully invested. They might say it’s “just for fun,” but it leaves you questioning their commitment to you. It feels like they’re keeping one foot out the door.
9. They never really seem jealous.
If they don’t seem to care when you mention hanging out with someone who could be a romantic interest, it might be because they’re not fully invested. A little jealousy is normal in relationships, and their indifference could make you feel like they’re not that bothered about you.
10. You’re always the one making the effort.
You’re the one who reaches out, plans dates, and checks in. If they’re not making the same effort, it’s a clear sign they’re not as committed as they should be. You shouldn’t feel like you’re the only one keeping things afloat.
11. They avoid putting a label on the relationship.
If, after months of dating, they’re still dodging the “what are we” question, it’s a red flag. They like keeping things undefined so they don’t feel tied down, leaving you in limbo while they explore other possibilities. Their reluctance to commit leaves you wondering where you really stand.
12. They’re very private about their life.
You don’t really know much about their daily life, and they keep certain parts of their world separate from you. This might be because they’re not fully letting you in, keeping things casual to maintain distance. The lack of transparency can make you feel like you’re only getting part of the picture.
13. They don’t introduce you to important people in their life.
If they’re not introducing you to their friends or family, even after you’ve been together for a while, it’s a sign they’re not ready to commit. They might be waiting to see how things pan out with someone else before bringing you into their inner circle. It leaves you feeling like you’re not truly part of their life.
14. They’re vague about where they’ve been or who they’ve been with.
If they’re always dodging questions about their plans or being cagey about their whereabouts, it could mean they’re juggling multiple connections. The lack of transparency makes it hard to trust them and leaves you feeling insecure about what’s really going on.
15. You have a gut feeling something’s off.
If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Cushioning often leaves you with that nagging feeling that things aren’t quite settled, and your gut can pick up on that. Don’t ignore it—staying in a relationship that’s not fully fulfilling won’t do you any good in the long run.
