Bullying isn’t just a playground phenomenon, sadly — it can happen well into adulthood, from work to your social circle or even in your family.
The worst part is that adult bullies tend to be a bit better versed on how to be subtle with their victims, meaning you and the people around you might not even realise what’s happening at first. However, if you are being bullied, and you want to put a stop to it, it’s time to stand up for yourself. Here’s how to get started without stooping to their level or compromising your self-respect.
1. Call out their behaviour on the spot.
When a bully acts up, point it out right away. Say something like, “That comment was inappropriate” or “Your tone is aggressive, and I won’t accept it.” Be calm but firm. Don’t let them brush it off or claim they were joking. Make it clear that you see what they’re doing, and you’re not okay with it. This immediate feedback can catch them off guard and make them think twice before trying it again.
2. Put boundaries in place and don’t let them be bulldozed.
Tell the bully exactly what behaviour you won’t tolerate. Be specific. Say things like, “I won’t accept you raising your voice at me” or “Personal comments about my appearance are off-limits.” Then, follow through. If they cross the line, remind them of the boundary and walk away if needed. Consistency is key here. If you let them get away with it sometimes, they’ll keep pushing.
3. Document absolutely everything.
Keep a record of all bullying incidents. Write down dates, times, what happened, and who was there. If it’s happening at work, save emails or messages that show the bullying. This record serves two purposes: it helps you spot patterns in their behaviour, and it gives you solid evidence if you need to report them later. Don’t rely on your memory — having it all written down makes your case much stronger. Hopefully, it won’t come to that, but you never know.
4. Don’t respond when they provoke you, as hard as that is.
Bullies often try to get a rise out of you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. If they make a snide comment, don’t bite back. Instead, stay calm and say something like, “I’m not going to respond to that” or simply walk away. This takes away their power. They’re looking for a reaction, and when they don’t get one, they often give up and move on to easier targets.
5. Lean on your support network.
Talk to other people who might have dealt with this bully. Chances are, you’re not the only one they’ve targeted. Share experiences and strategies. Having allies can make you feel less isolated and give you more confidence to stand up to the bully. Plus, if multiple people speak up, it’s harder for the bully to dismiss it as a personal issue between just you two.
6. Keep your body language confident.
Stand tall, make eye contact, and speak clearly when dealing with a bully. Even if you’re nervous inside, projecting confidence can make the bully think twice. Practice power poses before confrontations if it helps. Remember, bullies often pick on people they think are easy targets. Show them you’re not one by carrying yourself with assurance.
7. Turn their tactics back on them.
When a bully tries to put you down, ask them to explain what they mean. Say something like, “I don’t understand. Can you explain why you think that’s funny?” This puts them on the spot and often exposes how ridiculous their behaviour is. It’s a way of calling them out without being aggressive yourself. Plus, it makes them do the work of justifying their actions.
8. Don’t keep it a secret.
Tell someone in authority about what’s happening. If it’s at work, talk to HR or your manager. If it’s in a social group, speak to the group leader. Don’t let the bully intimidate you into silence. Bringing their behaviour to light can often stop it in its tracks. Remember, keeping quiet only protects the bully, not you.
9. Focus on their behaviour, not their character.
When confronting a bully, talk about their actions, not who they are as a person. Say “Your behaviour is unacceptable” rather than “You’re a jerk.” This approach is less likely to make them defensive and more likely to make them reflect on what they’re doing. It also keeps the conversation professional and focused on the real issue at hand.
10. Know your rights and use them.
Source: Unsplash Understand what protections you have against bullying, especially at work. Many organisations have anti-bullying policies. Know what they are and how to use them. If the bullying is based on protected characteristics like race or gender, it might be illegal harassment. Don’t be afraid to use these policies and laws to protect yourself. Knowledge is power in these situations.
11. Practise your assertive responses.
Source: Unsplash Come up with a few go-to phrases for when you’re being bullied. Practice saying them out loud so they come naturally when you need them. Things like “I don’t appreciate that kind of talk” or “Please don’t speak to me that way” can be effective. Having these ready means you won’t be caught off guard and stumble over your words when confronted.
12. Take care of your mental health.
Source: Unsplash Dealing with a bully is stressful. Make sure you’re looking after yourself. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about what you’re going through. Engage in activities that help you relax and boost your self-esteem. Remember, the bully’s behaviour is a reflection on them, not you. Don’t let their actions damage your self-worth or mental wellbeing.
13. Consider getting other people involved.
Source: Unsplash If the bullying is happening in a group setting, consider addressing it publicly. Sometimes, calling out the behaviour in front of other people can shame the bully into stopping. It also puts social pressure on them to change. Be careful with this approach, though — make sure you feel safe doing it and that people are likely to support you.
14. Set consequences and follow through on them.
Let the bully know what will happen if their behaviour continues. This might mean reporting them to higher authorities, cutting off contact, or taking legal action. Then, if the bullying persists, follow through on these consequences. Empty threats will only embolden them. Showing that you mean what you say is crucial in getting them to back off.
15. Remember that it’s not your fault.
Source: Unsplash Never blame yourself for someone else’s bullying behaviour. You’re not responsible for their actions, no matter what they might say. Don’t waste time wondering what you did to deserve it — you didn’t do anything. Keep reminding yourself that the problem lies with the bully, not with you. This mindset will give you the strength to stand up to them and not let their behaviour affect your self-esteem.
