Emerging from an emotionally abusive relationship is like stepping out of a distorted fun house mirror and into the real world.
The experience leaves an indelible mark on your psyche, and fundamentally changes how you see yourself, other people, and the world. Of course, this shift in perspective isn’t always negative. If often brings newfound strength, wisdom, and self-awareness. However, it also tends to come with challenges as you try to readjust to life without the abuser. Here are some things you might notice in your own life if you’ve been through an abusive relationship.
1. You’re super aware of other people’s moods.
After what you’ve been through, you might find yourself constantly on edge, analysing every little change in tone or facial expression. This comes from having to anticipate and avoid conflict in your past relationship. While this skill helped you survive, it can be exhausting and make you anxious in everyday conversations.
2. You struggle to trust your own judgement.
Emotional abuse often involves being manipulated and gaslighted, which can really damage your confidence. You might second-guess yourself all the time, even with simple choices, and always need other people to approve or validate your decisions.
3. Kindness feels suspicious.
In an abusive relationship, kindness can often be a tool for manipulation. This makes you wary of genuine kindness in your new life. You might question people’s motives or struggle to accept compliments. This makes it hard to form new, healthy relationships.
4. You’re very clear about your boundaries.
After having your boundaries violated, you become acutely aware of your personal space and limits. This is empowering because it allows you to say what you need more clearly. However, it can also make you defensive or reluctant to let people in.
5. You see conflict as inherently dangerous.
Disagreements in an abusive relationship often turn nasty. This makes you see any conflict as a threat. You might avoid confrontation at all costs, even when it’s healthy to address things. It’s important to talk small issues out so they don’t become big ones.
6. You appreciate emotional stability.
After the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on, calmness and stability mean a lot. Small, consistent acts of kindness or predictable behaviour from friends and partners become really important.
7. Accepting compliments is tough.
Source: Unsplash Emotional abuse often involves criticism, which can damage your self-esteem. You might deflect compliments or question their sincerity because you don’t truly believe you deserve them. It’s important to work on boosting your self-esteem so you can start believing good things about yourself.
8. You’re very aware of power dynamics.
Having experienced the imbalance of power in an abusive relationship, you’re now sensitive to it in all your interactions. This is helpful for navigating social situations, but it can also lead to overthinking harmless interactions or feeling threatened when there isn’t a real threat.
9. You find it harder to be vulnerable with people.
Opening up to people feels risky after what you’ve been through. You might keep people at a distance, even when you want to get closer, out of fear of being hurt again. Sadly, this can hold you back from having happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships.
10. You have a newfound respect for your own resilience.
Source: Unsplash Surviving emotional abuse shows you a strength you might not have known you had. This changes how you see yourself and what you’re capable of. You got through the toughest time in your life and you’re still here. That means something.
11. You spot manipulation much more easily.
You’ve become good at detecting manipulation, even subtle forms. This protects you but can also lead to over-interpreting innocent behaviours. Most people really do mean well, so try to remember that rather than jumping the gun.
12. Forgiveness has a new meaning.
Source: Unsplash You might struggle with pressure to forgive your abuser and question if it’s necessary or even healthy. You might redefine forgiveness on your own terms, perhaps as a way to let go of anger rather than excusing the abuser.
13. You have a stronger sense of self-worth.
Source: Unsplash Ironically, surviving abuse can lead to greater self-worth. You learn to value yourself independently of other people’s opinions. This means less tolerance for disrespect and a willingness to walk away from unhealthy situations.
14. You have a different approach to self-care.
Source: Unsplash Self-care becomes vital. You understand the need to nurture your emotional and mental health. This might involve making time for activities you enjoy, saying no to things that drain you, or going to therapy.
15. You empathise with other survivors.
Your experience gives you deep empathy for people who’ve been through similar things. You can understand and support them better, but remember to maintain your own boundaries too.
