Narcissists are obviously toxic and manipulative, but sometimes you have no choice but to deal with them.
However, just because you can’t kick them to the kerb or avoid them entirely doesn’t mean you should be enabling their bad behaviour. You may not even realise you’re doing it, but if any of these things ring a bell, you’re basically giving the narcissist the green light to keep on being their terrible selves. Don’t let them convince you that what they’re doing is okay!
1. You’re always making excuses for them.
Find yourself constantly saying things like “Oh, they didn’t mean it that way” or “They’re just having a rough time”? You might be covering for their bad behaviour without realising it. It’s like giving them a free pass to keep being a jerk. Next time, try letting their actions speak for themselves — you might be surprised at how people react when you’re not there to smooth things over.
2. Your needs always come second.
Source: Unsplash If you’re constantly ditching your own plans or putting your needs on the back burner to cater to their demands, that’s a red flag. It’s cool to be helpful, but not at the expense of your own well-being. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup — taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
3. You avoid rocking the boat at all costs.
Source: Unsplash Walking on eggshells to keep the peace? If you’re scared to call them out on their BS because you don’t want to deal with the fallout, you’re letting them get away with way too much. Sometimes, a little conflict is healthy — it shows you respect yourself enough to stand up for what’s right.
4. You buy into their version of reality.
Source: Unsplash Even when their story sounds fishy, you go along with it. Heck, you might even defend them to other people. But remember, just because they say it happened that way, doesn’t mean it did. Trust your gut — if something feels off, it probably is.
5. You’re picking up their slack.
Whether it’s work stuff, chores, or personal responsibilities, if you’re always cleaning up their messes, you’re letting them off the hook. They need to handle their own business. Letting them face the consequences of their actions (or inactions) might be the wake-up call they need.
6. You’re always chasing their approval.
If your mood depends on whether they’re happy with you, that’s not great. Your self-worth shouldn’t hang on their opinion. You’re awesome, with or without their stamp of approval. Try focusing on what makes you proud of yourself, rather than what they think.
7. You’ve cut people out because they said so.
Ditched friends or family because the narcissist doesn’t like them? That’s a classic control move. Don’t let them shrink your world to just them. Those other relationships are important — they give you perspective and support that you might really need.
8. You downplay your wins.
Source: Unsplash Hiding your light so they can shine brighter isn’t doing you any favours. Your successes are worth celebrating, even if it makes them feel less special. Don’t dim your own star — you worked hard for those achievements, so own them!
9. You’re always the one saying sorry.
Source: Unsplash If you find yourself apologising for everything, even stuff that’s not your fault, pump the brakes. Taking the blame for their mess-ups just lets them off the hook. It’s okay to let them own their mistakes sometimes. Plus, over-apologising can make you seem less confident and more of a target for manipulation.
10. You’re their personal cheerleader.
Supporting someone is great, but if you’re constantly boosting their ego and never getting any love back, that’s not cool. Relationships should be a two-way street, not a one-person fan club. Try taking a step back and see if they ever celebrate your achievements with the same enthusiasm.
11. You keep their secrets, even the bad ones.
Source: Unsplash Look, loyalty is awesome, but if you’re covering up seriously messed up stuff they’ve done, you’re not helping anyone. Sometimes, keeping quiet is the same as giving a thumbs up to bad behaviour. It’s okay to have boundaries about what you’re willing to keep a secret — especially if it’s hurting you or other people.
12. You’ve lost touch with your own feelings.
If you’re so tuned into their moods that you can’t even tell how you feel anymore, that’s a problem. Your emotions matter too, don’t let theirs drown yours out. Try spending some time alone to check in with yourself — you might be surprised at what you discover.
13. You’re always the one compromising.
Relationships need give and take, but if you’re doing all the giving, and they’re doing all the taking, something’s off. It’s okay to stand your ground sometimes. Next time you’re about to compromise, ask yourself if they’d do the same for you.
14. You defend them, even when you know they’re wrong.
Source: Unsplash We all want to have our friends’ backs, but if you’re arguing with people to defend their bad behaviour, you might want to rethink that. It’s okay to admit when someone you care about messes up. Remember, true loyalty isn’t about blind defence — it’s about helping someone be their best self.
15. You let them push your boundaries.
Source: Unsplash If you set a limit, and they keep crossing it, but you don’t do anything about it, that’s enabling 101. Your boundaries are there for a reason. Don’t let anyone, narcissist or not, trample all over them. Each time you enforce a boundary, you’re teaching people how to treat you — and teaching yourself that you deserve respect.
