Everyone knows someone who’s negative, vindictive, draining — you know, the obvious toxic types.
It’s easy to spot people who are so overtly problematic, but what about those subtle behaviours, the ones we might even be guilty of ourselves? Here are some behaviours that might be adding a little poison to your relationships, even if you don’t mean to.
1. You never say what you really think or feel.
Source: Unsplash Maybe you keep quiet instead of disagreeing with someone in a meeting. Or you nod along with a friend’s opinion even if you don’t genuinely feel the same way. While a little diplomacy is important, constantly censoring your true thoughts might be a sign you’re afraid of being judged or disliked if people knew what you really believed.
2. You offer backhanded compliments.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “That dress looks great on you! It hides your hips so well.” These seemingly innocent compliments with a hidden sting can leave the recipient feeling unsure if they’ve actually been praised or insulted. Even if you think you’re being funny, these remarks can be hurtful and undermine the other person’s confidence.
3. You engage in one-upping.
Someone shares their excitement about a recent accomplishment, and you immediately counter with an even bigger or better story about yourself. This constant need to top everyone can make people feel unseen and unheard. Your victories are worth celebrating, but remember, it’s not always about stealing the spotlight.
4. You play the victim.
While acknowledging difficulties is important, constantly casting yourself as the victim can be draining for those around you. It shifts the focus onto your problems and leaves little room for other people to share their experiences or offer support. Remember, everyone faces challenges, and a little resilience can go a long way.
5. You engage in passive-aggressive communication.
Rather than directly addressing an issue, you make snide remarks or use sarcasm to get your point across. This indirect approach creates tension and resentment, leaving the other person feeling confused and frustrated. Clear and open communication, even when uncomfortable, is healthier in the long run.
6. You make jokes at other people’s expense.
You might think you’re being funny, but if your humour is always targeting other people, it can be hurtful and damaging. Teasing that focuses on someone’s insecurities or vulnerabilities is not just banter; it’s bullying disguised as comedy. True humour connects people, it doesn’t tear them down.
7. You give unsolicited advice.
Offering help is one thing, but constantly bombarding people with your opinions and solutions can be overwhelming. It makes them feel like you don’t trust their judgment or believe they’re capable of solving their own problems. Before giving advice, ask if it’s wanted. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear, not a lecture.
8. You constantly complain.
We all have bad days, but if complaining is your default mode, it can be exhausting for those around you. Your negativity can easily infect other people, leaving them feeling down and discouraged. Try focusing on the positive aspects of your life and express gratitude for the good things. A little optimism can go a long way.
9. You dismiss people’s feelings.
When someone expresses their emotions, you tell them to “calm down” or “get over it.” This invalidates their feelings and makes them feel unheard. Remember, emotions are valid, even if you don’t understand them. Instead of dismissing their feelings, try to offer empathy and support.
10. You overshare personal details.
While vulnerability can be a good thing, there’s a fine line between sharing and oversharing. Constantly divulging intimate details about your life can make people feel uncomfortable and put them in an awkward position. Respect boundaries and be mindful of how much information you share with other people.
11. You gossip excessively.
A little gossip might seem harmless, but it can quickly turn toxic. Spreading rumours or talking badly about people behind their backs can damage relationships and create a culture of distrust. Choose to focus on positive conversations and avoid getting caught up in unnecessary drama.
12. You hold grudges.
Everyone makes mistakes, but holding on to resentment can poison your interactions with people. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the behaviour, but it does mean letting go of the anger and moving on. Holding grudges only hurts you in the long run.
13. You’re always late.
Constantly showing up late, whether it’s for meetings, appointments, or social gatherings, shows a lack of respect for other people’s time. It sends the message that your time is more valuable than theirs and can leave people feeling frustrated and disrespected. Make an effort to be punctual and show that you value their time.
14. You brag excessively.
Sharing your achievements is fine, but constantly boasting about your accomplishments can alienate people. It makes you appear self-centred and can make people feel inadequate. Remember, humility is a virtue, and a little modesty can go a long way.
15. You interrupt people all the time.
Interrupting someone while they’re speaking is incredibly disrespectful. It signals that you’re not interested in what they have to say and that your thoughts are more important. Practice active listening and wait your turn to speak. It’s a simple gesture that can make a big difference in how you’re perceived.
