We all love a bit of banter — it can make an otherwise droll day a little more bearable.
That being said, sometimes what we think is a harmless quip can actually go over like a lead balloon, leaving the other person annoyed or even offended. Here are some of the most common phrases that might seem cheeky at first glance, but upon closer inspection, reveal themselves to be less charming and more problematic.
1. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
This phrase, often delivered with a smug grin, can be incredibly frustrating for the other person. It shuts down any possibility of a productive conversation and reinforces the idea that you’re not open to hearing their perspective. Instead of trying to “win” the argument, focus on understanding each other’s viewpoints and finding common ground.
2. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”
This might seem like a harmless compliment, but it can actually be quite patronising. It diminishes the validity of the other person’s anger and reduces them to a childlike state. Anger is a valid emotion, and it deserves to be taken seriously. Instead of trying to placate or dismiss someone’s anger, try to understand the root of their frustration and address it respectfully.
3. “It’s not my fault you misunderstood me.”
This phrase shifts the blame for miscommunication onto the other person, rather than taking responsibility for your own role in the misunderstanding. Effective communication is a two-way street, and it’s important to acknowledge when you haven’t expressed yourself clearly. Instead of blaming the other person, try to clarify your message and ensure that you’re both on the same page.
4. “I’m just being brutally honest.”
While honesty is generally a good thing, there’s a difference between being honest and being hurtful. If your “brutal honesty” is causing pain or discomfort, it’s worth considering whether it’s truly necessary or helpful. Sometimes, a little tact and diplomacy can go a long way in preserving a relationship.
5. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”
This is incredibly insulting and dismissive. It implies that the other person is somehow burdensome or difficult to tolerate, rather than a valued partner. It really does destroy trust and create resentment in the relationship. Instead of focusing on your partner’s perceived flaws, try to appreciate their strengths and the unique qualities they bring to the relationship.
6. “I was only joking.”
This is a common excuse used to deflect responsibility for hurtful or insensitive remarks. While humour is the great connector and all that, it’s important to be mindful of the impact your jokes might have. If someone is hurt or offended by your humour, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings and apologise. Don’t try to dismiss their reaction or brush it off as “just a joke.”
7. “You wouldn’t understand.”
This can shut down communication and create a sense of distance in a relationship. It implies that you and your partner are fundamentally different and that there’s no point in trying to explain your thoughts or feelings. Instead of shutting down the conversation, try to bridge the gap by explaining yourself in a way that your partner can understand. This might involve using different words, providing more context, or simply being more patient and empathetic.
8. “I’m not good with emotions.”
This is an excuse to avoid dealing with difficult emotions or expressing vulnerability. However, emotional intelligence is a crucial component of healthy relationships, and it’s something that can be learned and developed. If you’re struggling with expressing your emotions or understanding your partner’s feelings, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor. There are many resources available to help you improve your emotional intelligence and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
9. “That’s not very ladylike/gentlemanly.”
This eye roll-worthy phrase is rooted in outdated gender stereotypes and can be incredibly hurtful. It implies that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to behave based on your gender, which is simply not true. Everyone should be free to express themselves authentically, regardless of societal expectations. Instead of policing someone’s behaviour based on gender norms, try to celebrate their individuality and unique personality.
10. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is often used to dismiss someone’s feelings or reactions as overly dramatic. However, it can invalidate their emotions and make them feel like they’re not being heard or understood. Everyone has different sensitivities and triggers, and it’s important to respect that. Instead of dismissing someone’s feelings, try to understand where they’re coming from and offer support.
11. “You’ll get over it.”
This can be dismissive and invalidating, especially when someone is going through a difficult time. It minimises their pain and suffering and implies that their feelings are temporary or insignificant. Instead of brushing off their emotions, try to empathise with their situation and offer support. Let them know that you’re there for them and that you care about what they’re going through.
12. “I’m not your mother/father.”
This obnoxious phrase is often used to deflect responsibility or avoid taking care of someone. It can be hurtful and dismissive, especially when the person is asking for support or guidance. While it’s true that you’re not responsible for your partner’s every need, it’s important to be there for them and offer support when they need it. Remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual care and support.
13. “I’m not arguing, I’m just discussing.”
This phrase is often used as a way to disguise aggression or hostility. It can be a manipulative tactic to make the other person feel like they’re overreacting or being unreasonable. If you’re raising your voice, interrupting, or using accusatory language, you’re not just discussing – you’re arguing. It’s important to own your behaviour and communicate your feelings in a respectful and constructive way.
14. “I’m not the one with the problem, you are.”
This phrase is a classic deflection tactic that avoids taking responsibility for your own actions or contributions to a conflict. In any relationship, both partners play a role in creating and resolving problems. Instead of pointing fingers, try to focus on finding solutions together. Acknowledge your own role in the situation and be willing to work towards a compromise.
15. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This non-apology is a way of acknowledging someone’s feelings without actually taking responsibility for your actions. It can be infuriating and invalidating for the other person. Instead of offering a half-hearted apology, try to understand why your actions or words hurt them and express genuine remorse. A sincere apology can go a long way in repairing trust and restoring harmony in a relationship.
16. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This just brushes off the other person’s feelings and concerns, making them feel like they’re overreacting or being unreasonable. It’s important to remember that everyone has different triggers and sensitivities. What might seem trivial to you could be a major issue for someone else. Instead of dismissing their concerns, try to validate their feelings and offer support. Show them that you understand their perspective and that you care about their well-being.
