When a narcissist “apologises”, you can rest assured that you’re about to hear a load of rubbish come out of their mouths.
Because they don’t think they ever do anything wrong, and they love to play the victim, their version of “I’m sorry” comes packaged in a whole lot of word salad that conveys anything but remorse. Here are some so-called apologies you’re likely to hear from them.
1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Ah, the classic. It’s like they’re patting you on the head and saying, “There, there, you sensitive little snowflake.” They’re trying to dodge any blame while hinting that you’re the problem. It’s the verbal equivalent of a magician’s trick, leaving you wondering if you’re actually bonkers for being upset.
2. “You made me do it.”
In other words, “I wouldn’t have been a jerk if you weren’t such a jerk first.” By saying this, they get themselves off the hook while also playing the victim. There’s nothing narcissists love more than acting as if they’ve been hard done by.
3. “I’m sorry you misunderstood.”
This one’s a real peach. It suggests the problem isn’t their behaviour, but your faulty brain. This line manages to sound sorry while actually insulting your intelligence. Talk about a backhanded apology.
4. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
The sneaky “if” in this non-apology is doing some heavy lifting. Translation: “I’m sorry you’re such a delicate flower,” with a side of eye-rolling. This phrase sounds apologetic while questioning if you should even be offended. Clever, right?
5. “That’s just who I am.”
This non-apology is basically saying, “Yeah, I hurt you, but don’t expect me to change.” It’s like they’re claiming a free pass based on their sparkling personality. The subtext? “Deal with it, ’cause I’m not changing.”
6. “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive.”
This one’s a double whammy of dodging blame and taking a swipe at you. They’re basically blaming you for not being able to handle/not realising how great they are. This line flips the script, making you the problem for daring to have feelings.
7. “You do it too.”
The grown-up version of “But Mum, he started it!” It’s like saying, “I might be bad, but you’re no saint either.” This tactic tries to muddy the waters by bringing up your flaws, real or imagined. Haven’t they ever heard that two wrongs don’t make a right? (Also, chances are you DON’T do it too.)
8. “I’m sorry you remembered it that way.”
This one’s gaslighting at its finest. It’s like saying, “I’m sorry your memory’s on the fritz.” This is supposed to make you question your own recollection, leaving you feeling like you’re going mad. It’s a mind-bending trap that can really do your head in.
9. “I’m sorry you think I need to apologise.”
This is just dripping with passive-aggressiveness. It’s like saying, “I’m sorry you’re so wrong about this whole thing.” It sounds sorry while actually doubling down. It’s the kind of statement that leaves you gobsmacked, wondering how they turned your request for an apology into an attack on you.
10. “I was just joking.”
The get-out-of-jail-free card of conversations. In other words, “I’m sorry you don’t have a sense of humour.” This one tries to erase any harm by claiming it was all in jest. It’s the classic move of Schrödinger’s jerk — where they decide if they were serious based on your reaction.
11. “I’m sorry you took it that way.”
Another masterclass in blame-shifting. It’s like saying, “I’m sorry you’re so rubbish at understanding things.” This one sounds apologetic, while actually having a go at your ability to grasp simple concepts. You’re not an idiot, and you understood perfectly what they meant.
12. “I had good intentions.”
Source: Unsplash The road to hell is paved with these non-apologies. It doesn’t matter what their intentions were — it matters how it came out. (And for the record, they probably didn’t mean well anyway!) This one tries to use good intentions as a get-out-of-jail-free card, making you feel like the bad guy for being upset.
13. “Let me explain why I’m right.”
Source: Unsplash This one’s a real bait-and-switch. It starts off sounding sorry, then pivots into a defence of their behaviour. They’re sorry you’re upset… but also you’re wrong for being upset? It’s the kind of non-apology that leaves you more wound up than before.
14. “I’m sorry for whatever it is you think I did.”
Source: Unsplash Vagueness turned into an art form. They’re implying that what you’re upset about probably isn’t even real, so they’re not going to even address it. It’s the verbal equivalent of a shrug, brushing off your concerns like they’re no big deal.
15. “I’m not perfect.”
Source: Unsplash Using being human as a shield against any wrongdoing is immature and absolutely ridiculous. Being human doesn’t mean you can’t be a decent one. It’s a sneaky way of dodging the real issue by hiding behind the “nobody’s perfect” excuse.
16. “I’m sorry you feel the need for an apology.”
Source: Unsplash This is the crown jewel of narcissistic non-apologies. It refuses to say sorry and has a go at you for wanting an apology. In other words, “I’m sorry you’re so needy and demanding.” This one flips the script, making you feel daft for even expecting an apology in the first place.
