Nobody likes being criticised, but it’s an unavoidable part of life.
Whether it’s feedback from your boss or a comment from a friend, criticism can sting. However, learning to handle it gracefully can be a game-changer, especially if you take the useful things people are saying to heart. If you struggle with this, here are some tips that help me when I’m on the receiving end of some tough feedback.
1. Take a deep breath before responding.
When someone criticises you, it’s natural to feel defensive. Your first instinct might be to lash out or shut down. Instead, take a moment to breathe deeply. Taking a brief pause gives you time to process the information and respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. It’s a simple but powerful way to maintain your composure and approach the situation rationally.
2. Listen actively to understand the criticism fully.
Really tune in to what the person is saying. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak or start formulating rebuttals in your head. Try to understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. Ask clarifying questions if needed, as it shows respect and can provide valuable insights you might otherwise miss.
3. Separate the criticism from your self-worth.
Remember, criticism of your work or actions doesn’t define your value as a person. It’s easy to take critique personally, but often it’s not about you as an individual. Try to view the criticism objectively, focusing on the specific behaviour or outcome being discussed rather than seeing it as an attack on your character.
4. Express gratitude for constructive feedback.
It might feel counterintuitive, but thanking someone for their feedback can be powerful. It shows maturity and openness to growth. A simple “Thank you for bringing this to my attention” can go a long way in creating more positive relationships and encouraging honest communication in the future.
5. Don’t get defensive or make excuses.
Source: Unsplash It’s tempting to immediately justify your actions or point out why the critic is wrong. However, being so defensive often escalates tensions and closes you off from potential learning opportunities. Instead, try to remain open and receptive, even if you disagree. You can always reflect on the criticism later and decide if it’s valid.
6. Ask for specific examples to better understand the critique.
Source: Unsplash Vague criticism can be frustrating and unhelpful. If someone says your work is “sloppy,” ask for concrete examples. It helps you understand their perspective better and shows that you’re taking their feedback seriously and want to improve. It turns a potentially negative interaction into a constructive dialogue.
7. Reflect on the criticism before dismissing it.
Even if your initial reaction is to reject the criticism, give yourself time to mull it over. Sometimes, what seems unfair at first might hold a kernel of truth upon reflection. Ask yourself if there’s anything you can learn from the feedback, even if you don’t agree with all of it.
8. Focus on the future and how you can improve.
Source: Unsplash Instead of dwelling on past mistakes or feeling discouraged, shift your focus to the future. Ask yourself (or the person providing feedback) what you can do differently next time. Being more forward-thinking turns criticism into a constructive tool for improvement rather than a source of negativity.
9. Set your ego aside and be open to change.
Source: Unsplash It’s natural to want to protect your ego, but this just keeps you from growing. Try to approach criticism with humility and a willingness to change. Recognise that no one is perfect and there’s always room for improvement — this mindset can transform criticism from a threat into an opportunity for personal development.
10. Distinguish between constructive criticism and unfair attacks.
Source: Unsplash Not all criticism is created equal. Learn to differentiate between feedback aimed at helping you improve and unwarranted attacks. Constructive criticism is specific, actionable, and typically delivered with good intentions. Unfair attacks often feel personal and lack specificity. Recognising the difference helps you respond appropriately and protect your mental well-being.
11. Use the feedback as a catalyst for self-improvement.
Source: Unsplash View criticism as a tool for growth rather than a setback. If someone points out a flaw in your work or behaviour, use it as motivation to improve in that area. Set concrete goals based on the feedback and work towards them. Being so proactive can turn a potentially negative experience into a positive force for change in your life.
12. Avoid the temptation to retaliate or criticise back.
Source: Unsplash When faced with criticism, it might be tempting to point out the other person’s flaws in return. Resist this urge. Retaliating only escalates the situation and damages relationships. Instead, stay focused on the specific feedback you’ve received and how you can address it constructively. Taking the high road shows maturity and emotional intelligence.
13. Remember that criticism often comes from a place of care.
Source: Unsplash In many cases, especially with friends, family, or mentors, criticism comes from a genuine desire to help you improve. Try to appreciate the intention behind the feedback, even if it’s not delivered perfectly. Understanding that the critic likely has your best interests at heart can help you receive the message more openly and graciously.
14. Take time to process your emotions privately if needed.
Source: Unsplash It’s okay to feel hurt or upset by criticism. If you’re struggling to maintain composure, it’s perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself and take some time alone to process your emotions. Go for a walk, practise some deep breathing, or write in a journal. Having a bit of private time can help you return to the situation with a clearer, calmer mindset.
15. Use the “sandwich” method when giving criticism yourself.
Source: Unsplash Learning to give criticism effectively can help you better receive it. The sandwich method involves starting with a positive comment, then providing the constructive criticism, and ending with another positive note. By practising this approach, you’ll become more empathetic to other people’s perspectives when you’re on the receiving end of feedback.
16. Follow up after implementing changes based on feedback.
Source: Unsplash If you’ve made changes based on someone’s criticism, don’t be afraid to follow up with them. Share how you’ve applied their feedback and the results you’ve seen — it proves your commitment to improvement and encourages a positive feedback loop. It shows that you value their input and are serious about personal growth.
